To travel back in time

With my recent post North Bound Trip, I came up with a challenge that could somehow (hopefully) make my day not-so-boring kind. I noticed that majority of my time these past few days (even past months) was spent lying in my bed and going on-line; nothing is really exciting about my life. I’m like having a very…very… very…very… looooooong and boring weekend. Having a weekend everyday is not fun at all.

The challenge is to go over my multiply account where all my photographs were uploaded… I'm going to grab pictures one at a time randomly…and then write something about it, good and bad moments alike.

Yes! I’m going back in time. 

Those happy memories deserve a little confession. 

Buhos pa ulan...

Alas dos y media ng madaling araw. Sana man lang ay may kape...

*buntong hininga*
*bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga*
*Sinara ang bintana*
*isa pang buntong hininga* 

Bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan na para bang wala ng bukas. Bigla kong naisip si "Chedeng" ang bagyong inaasahan at pinaghahandaan ng nakakarami "Andito na kaya sya?". Perosa kabilang banda "Di pala ako sigurado kung kasama sa itinerary nya ang pagdaan dito sa lugar namin". 

*buntong hininga* 
*bumalik sa pagkakahiga*
*Niyakap ang unan*
*pinakinggan ang ulan*
*isa pang buntong hininga habang nakatitig sa nakasarang bintana*

Ang bawat patak ng ulan ay onti-onting nagbukas sa isang pinto kung saan nakahimlay lahat ng mga bagay na pilit kong isinantabi... mga bagay na alam ko sa sarili ko ay nakatakda naman naa maging bahagi na ng aking buhay. Mga pagbabago...  

*buntong hininga*

Patuloy ang pagbuhos ng ulan... dumagsa ang mga katanungang paulit-ulit kong itinatanong sa aking sarili sa kagustuhan ko na sana ay mabago ang sagot.

*Isa pang buntong hininga* 

Tuluyan na ngang nabasag ang katahimikan... 

Source: behance.net via Cristy on Pinterest

Almost over with wander-wonder years...

It’s been a good rest… a year of wander-wonder. I went to places where I hope I can find myself then marvel on whether becoming a physician can satisfy my existence. It’s quite a long time. I am also bored; I hoped everyone is aware of that.

I already made my decision on going back to med school the soonest I can but for all we know things had already changed around and within me. My decisions already depend on things beyond my control, not just on my own will unlike before. If my parents are still willing to support my studies then that will be good; If I am capable of becoming a good mother and a good student at the same time then it will be better. 

I am honestly missing the days of pursuing dreams. But if it is not really for me, I am also open to every possibilities life could offer. What really matters for me is to start again which is somewhat complicated to make but at least possible to do.

Thirty Five Minutes Gone

I have exactly thirty five minutes before the day is over. I’ve been lying all alone in my bed for hours trying to get a good sleep but then was disturbed by some creepy thoughts. The current condition out here is not a picture perfect but still can be pictured out; All lights are gone, the music stopped playing, the television been turned off, all I hear is nothing but silence. With this awareness of how dark my surrounding is, I feel like I’m nowhere to be found. All I could ever see outside this room is dark just exactly what I feel inside me. From within I can sense how big the universe is, boundless.

I’m somewhere there. Can you see me amidst the sparkling dots? Maybe the smallest one...or perhaps you can no longer see me at all because everyone’s glow darkens mine. 

The big world makes me feel smaller than I am.

Source: None via Cristy on Pinterest

I am being embraced by loneliness. I’m totally disarrayed to pick the right reason to be happy. I’m blinded by everyone’s glimmer, so blinded not to appreciate my own spark anymore.

Yet I’m a fool if I’ll say I had no reason to smile because I know I have a lot around me. I’m lost. I appear to be missing one precious thing.

I have thirty five more minutes (maybe already lessened by now) to complete one mission tonight: To be freed and to break-away from what is current.

Let me see…

Aside from watching movies aired on HBO and Star Movies I was busy updating my social network accounts. As you can see, I am good-for-nothing spending most of my days talking to random people about random things by just sitting inside my room.

I am busy with pinterest. As they say, re-pinning is such a fun reminder of the clothes you’ll never afford, the home décor that will never fit into a small room, the recipes and crafts you’re too lazy to make, the saying you wasn’t clever enough to think of your own, and the photos you wish you had taken but didn’t. The only good thing I can see in this site is that the feeling brought by someone who re-pinned what you already pinned. It makes you feel that somebody out there shares the same interests with you.

As always, I am Busy with “facebook” which was likened by one member to a “jail” where you sit around to waste time , have a profile picture, write on wall and get poked by guys who really don’t know you. A place where people like your problems and would commenting on them but will keep you hanging. It is a place where you witness how people achieve and celebrate life while you try to update yours hoping they’ll see you celebrating also even if you are actually not. In the end, connecting to people can disconnect you to who you really are because you try to be one of them. Well, at least that is from my own point of view.

And then I am busy with plurk, my life on the line. The latest social network I registered with where I choose not to show other members my personal details; only a screen-name, my gender and country. Sometimes it’s funny how you interact with people whom you don’t know but talk like you already know them for years. You exchange stories then the next hours they’re gone leaving you ideas on how people is from different walks and times.

 The top of this is that I totally lost my passion on writing blog despite the creepy and disturbing thoughts. It seems that those short lines I posted such as “I hate it” and “I’m sleepy” among others was enough to get rid of the disturbing mood I’m into. I post like everyone is interested with what I'm doing every second. That's not true in any way, the hell they care with the movie I watch, the food I'm eating, the mood I'm having.

But it is never enough to keep myself busy. I left myself disturbed. Here I am, back and ready to rant.

Tonight’s challenge is to bring back my old self, the one who find ranting as way of making something good for one’s way of life. To write hoping to make some realizations and attribution. In any way, find answers.

Because despite all the wonderful things that is happening right now I am confused if I truly feel it as wonderful or I just think of it as it is. Am I just here convincing myself?

I sometimes wonder why am I here and where should I supposedly be if I am not. Maybe I can call this “regrets”. That maybe if I’m only good and wise enough I am not here isolating myself in fear nor crying to sleep all night. I should be out there enjoying more of life.

I sometimes wonder if I could still be good and will I ever find my lost ground again. It’s been days of questioning existence; how come? Why then? What should be? It’s been days of daydreaming on all the things I really wanted.

These are all about wanting the things I never had and I never did.

But I can never turn back the time as much as I wanted to. I am not even sure if I can move on as the old me or I should be the other person walking forward to face what is ahead tracking a different path.

I don’t know. I really don’t. I think thirty five minutes is not enough.

Times up! If you'll be needing me, see me in space...

"emoticons"

Sabihin na nating bored ako.

Bored na ngang maituturing ang isang taong walang ginawa maghapon kundi magsearch sa google ng "HOw to add emoticons to blogpost". Na-open ko na yata lahat ng blog tips at iisa lang ang sinasabi:

1. First you need to download updated Firefox Web Browser.
2. Next you need GreaseMonkey Extension for Firefox. After installing Firefox, install GreeseMonkey Extension.
3. And the emoticons GreeseMonkey script. Finally install the script by left clicking.
4. Now when you’ll be writing your blog post, you should be able to add emoticons by simply clicking on them. This only works in compose mode, not in text/html mode.

At may ibang site na nagsasabing

The last thing to do is to modify the CSS of your blog to prevent emoticons to have a border: just add at the end of your CSS:

img.emoticon { padding: 0; margin: 0; border: 0; }


*Tinanggal ko na ang mga links kaya sa totoong buhay hindi to makakatulong ang post ko na to sa ibang blogger na nagnanais ring magkaroon ng emoticon sa blog post nila*

Paulit ulit kong ginawa ito, Mahigit isang daang beses ko na yatang nadownload ang firefox 4.0, greasemonkey application at nagdagdag ng kung anu-anong script. Ilang beses na rin akong nag refresh, nag reboot, nag restart...

Umaga pa lang ang sabi sakin "blogger emoticons are ready to use" kaya umaga pa lang yamot na ako kasi wala naman akong nakikitang emoticons sa blogger editor.

Ilang beses na rin akong sumuko, natulog, binuksan ang TV, lumabas na lang ng kwarto para magpahangin... pero tao lang naman ako, gagawin at gagawin ko ang lahat ng makakaya ko para makuha ko ang gusto ko

Mismo! bago natapos ang araw ko, isang blog post ang nabuksan ko at nagsabing kelangan palang naka set sa "old editor" at hindi sa "updated" version ang blog editor para magamit ang greasemonkey . Hindi naman ako masyadong nahirapan

Lam nyo yon, sakto lang sa maghapon para may mapagkaabalahan, Namaga lang yata ang pwet ko, sumakit lang likod at balakang ko sa kakaupo .

Once empty

The living room is intended for general and leisure activities thus becoming the center of family's fun zone (I remembered that from one of the discussions way back my elementary years ). Well, at least for most of Filipinos it is one cozy place where the whole members of the family come to together to gather and have some fun from time to time.

The most live-in room in the house I supposed. But that kind of definition will not work to my family having the living room here as the most abandoned. It is where we hang our laundry's during rainy days. So instead of fancy wall decors we got a colorful clothesline all over. In addition, Since it is very typical for us to keep worn-out stuffs and throwing them away is a big no! it is safe for me to say that it is a room full of beautiful junks, some were recycled.

Obviously no one likes to hang-out only to harass oneself with loneliness.Believe me, sitting down in what I once coined "Cleopatra-inspired set of my mother" defines an empty space so I personally ignores this room since we moved in on May of 1998.



 I also made this one:)

  I only cleanup when expecting visitors even though most of the time we used to accommodate them outside for fresher air. Not this time! Earlier, I felt like spoiling my daily routine (that includes sleeping and watching non-sense drama series).

I removed the clothesline, put curtains on, and called my brother to rearrange the Cleopatras since I can't do it myself. There, not so great but it looks like a whole lot better. A simple and such a good way to start the week. :)

I'll find time to sit down here and read good books one of these days.

...so as my life

Lately, I deleted lists of people from my facebook account whom I never meet in person.  Then I started to hide posts of some friends especially those who are making great life. I hate seeing them celebrating and achieving. It made me feel bad but I don't want to be totally disconnected so they'll stay hidden for awhile.

While my friends is celebrating life, allow me to post a picture of my messy room--a little picture of the world I'm partly in. Untidy, stinky, dark and isolated just like my life.

I have no man to publish this blog entry to any of my other social account. I just wanted to rant hoping to realize something good before having my signature and clicking the publish post bottom.

I got a messy room. This is where I sit and think of  what and where could I be if I'm not here. This is supposed my comfort zone but look at it. I should be planning of skyline walk at Cebu City, Palawan escapades, sunset at Boracay Island, perhaps enjoying the cold weather at Baguio City with someone special, learn to surf at La Union. Instead of that, I imagine myself changing baby's diaper everyday, I'm troubled on how to carry a baby, and I am indeed suffering over the thought of staying at home all day.

Often times I thought of me being selfish for bringing an innocent in this weary world. I wonder if I can truly protect and can provide needs. If I can be a mother who can raise and grow a good citizen. I am just a bum. I am an anxious mom-to-be who wishes for nothing else but to free her child from mental and emotional problems so that he or she can handle the demands of the world.  How could that possibly be with this kind of attitude?

My baby will surely kick my ass and slap me the hardest if he/she can read this blog right now. This is absolutely bad. I should be posting my happy thoughts and talk about contentment more than ranting. Anyway, I am undeniably fortunate for having them. I just can't deny this side. My apologies.

Anyway, today is Sunday...I have to go and clean my room. I am hoping to clean up my life and clear my mind the soonest I can for my baby and my man.

See yah!

Such a boring day...

To sum it up, I spent (almost) four hours spinning my chair doing nothing...

OneNote

I just checked my one-note file and this is what I found! Surprisingly, I never thought I wrote this note. I'm feeling sad because it seems to me that I am always on a search. I always seek for something that is never found.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dated June 8, 2010:
"Constantly Changing" 

Each person I know is talking about how depressed our town is becoming.

As a certified lasso that established and became comfortable in a rustic ambience, my first impression was that not everyone can actually appreciate the beauty like I do. I’m the kind who desire to breathe fresh air, to walk bare-footed along the seashore, to hear early morning birds making melody. I wanted to live in a place where crickets and frogs blend their noises and are making splendid music during the evening—to live a simple life. 

Aklan can offer a lot—more than Boracay Island do.

I asked for nothing more nevertheless I’m also asking for nothing less.

Days passed by. Each day marks another day of down in the dumps. All the splendid creations vanished in a blink of an eye. Things I appreciated yesterday became the one I hate today.

I’m starting to prove them right. Maybe, those who leave for whatever reason they’re holding to had made the right decision. Maybe, those who decided to stay had no other choice but to be contented.

I wanted to run away from here and go somewhere else instead. I don’t understand why I am so desperate to abandon our town which also means to stay away from my love ones. I feel like I’m not in the right place although I know I am. God knows how confuse I am right now and how eager my heart is seeking for clarity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's all...

Rain

I thought of rain as a magical way of Mother Nature to sprinkle the world with a final touch of sadness to perfect the existing mellow drama.  It is her simplest way of drawing out picture of unwanted memories—the one you tried to suppressed for years.  Why is that sometimes time is not enough to heal. Is the effort to move on not enough or is it the thing that triggers the comeback?  Maybe it is how life goes; even the successful surgery can lead to recurrence of the defect, right?  Nothing is done perfectly. There are things that are meant to be no matter how much you tried to get rid of.

Well! Don’t get me wrong because I can assure everyone that everything was accepted. Only that it is really sad to remember what went before.  I have no intentions to bring up “what if” –it’s not how I feel. It’s a simple look back that made me smile, nod, and give a little sigh.

Maybe it is not meant to be buried because a simple recall like this can bring disappointment—I failed not to remember it! 

Maybe I’ll set things to being "accepted” and I have to remove the word “forget” as part of my journey?  That’s it!

Still… It amazes me how the rain outside disturbed my feelings.  

Boundless Impossibility

Good Morning World!!!

Everyone down here was expecting for a heavy downpour. The surroundings gone dim and the thunder as well as the lightning had scared little kids yesterday. I was actually scared too :) Yet I found no sign that it rain—the streets dry, leaves were still covered with dust. I’m wondering where the rain poured then.

Indeed! The clouds suddenly seem to be a cosy place to stay at today, I can tell. No more thunder, and no more lightening.  Well, I’ll surely have a good view on how things are going on down here if I’m given a chance to stay up there.

I wished I could to loosen up myself—it is certainly a great place to contemplate. But what I got here is a boundless impossibility. I can never have the clouds, I can never soar the sky.

Too bad that I’m starting to believe there is no other place than being in despair—becoming hopeless to an extent that I wanted to be in the clouds to see things clearly.

Since I can not be up there, I guessed I can be contented staying here and feel lucky that I can look up for a promising sunlight that shines through the cottony clouds—after all, there is always beyond everything.

Dance of a freaky circle

My brain turns on and off, and any moment from now I'm afraid it’s going to shut down for good. I am not going to say goodbye though. This is not a farewell. I can’t think of anything good or anything bad for that matter. My brain is completely drained. Except for the fact that I'm writing to post something for my blog site to express what I'm feeling right now. If only I could squeeze my brain and hit my head on a wall until something drops out, I certainly will.

I don’t know but I guessed it is more appropriate to say I'm having a little touch of complication. I mean something I can't comprehend my self like random thoughts coming out of my mind I can barely appreciate. Everything seems to be hit-and-miss moments. There is a mixed of empty emotions within me--mixed but empty.

Maybe I am just bored right now, (just like the old times, just exactly as yesterday). And needless to say, a little bit frustrated with what is happening as well as to the life around me. Lifeless, empty, and frustrating—the whole thing is becoming a routine. I wake up at 9:30 in the morning. It’s simply because of own my biological clock or often times it’s my mother’s voice that starts my lazy day. As hard as I try to begin my day with a smile, sometimes I just cant. I am so humiliated and I can plainly feel how things get worst around me. Pressured I may be, but I’m trying to defend myself against the awkwardness. My shame is crushing me down each time I eat breakfast and drink a cup of milk—I pleaded guilty for eating the food I haven’t worked for because at my age I should be bringing foods at the table and not just taking it. Washing a two or three plates can at times be stressful, believe me. It reminds you of being alone—hey, you just ate your breakfast all by yourself and perhaps you’ll be eating lunch alone too!

I always had time in our hammock; my day is never complete without the place where my day dreams and fantasies happens. Sometimes I’m lucky if I can go out to access the net via my plug-in Globe tattoo kit at the public plaza of our town, of course that is after asking my parents for money to reload. Sigh. I wonder how it feels to give money instead of asking them. I am so desperate to feel how it is yet here I am, even worst than a limp man, doing nothing. When evening comes I read, as simple as that but I wished you could feel me while I read. I’m trying to hold on as hard I can. I’m crossing my fingers for all of these. My world is getting smaller and smaller each passing day and the air I breathe is sickly sweet. My dream is starting to fade away but I’m trying to embrace what is left. Everyday I go to bed sleepy or not after watching my favourite reality show at ABS-CBN--the only program I been watching religiously for the past 2 weeks since it started, the Pinoy Big Brother. Going to bed is no big deal in any way because all I have to do is cry until my eyes get tired—I can fall asleep soundly by that. Sleeping is that easy, a little tough maybe but I’m getting used to it. Then I wake up at exactly 9:30 the next morning and begin all over again. This is my life for the past 5 weeks.

Most of the time I listen to the playlist of random songs saved at my windows media player. And this morning I realized I had fallen in love with its visualization—the dance of a freaky circle—it can drown me into nothingness and make me numb for a moment or two. This is the best I can think of to kill this boredom before it can kill me. The freaky circle reminds me of the two forces wanting to attract each other yet no matter how hard they tried they always repel. Isn’t it a perfect picture of what is happening right now? One circle represents me and the other represents what I want—that no matter how eager I always am to take hold of my wants in life, nothing good happens. The nearer I get the farther it goes. And just like being entertained by the dancing circles, (freaky indeed) I am somehow got the feeling not to go anywhere else, and become contented of what I got. Being here is compelling despite my frustration. I'm getting to like it.

Right now, what scares me most is to let go of my dreams and to let go of myself in exchange of what is happening now. Do I really have to? My! Dancing freaky circles.

Good night world!

Maybe I am lucky to live this kind of life

Did you know that one of the hardest things to do is to make yourself happy even if you’re really not? It is not because life goes that way. Admit it. It is because of the need to show the world that you are what you are not. I don’t know. Perhaps I’m just not myself. I always believed that in a world where everyone expects you to laugh, crying becomes a crime.

This is madness. I cry myself to sleep, I shout when nobody listen, I can always scream silently when needed. My life doesn’t fit in everybody’s circle but at least I am having one of my own. It is not easy to be me. I'm trying to manage though, because I know it’s not easy to live this kind of life outside my world. 
In one point, I’m lucky to be inside my own circle.

Prepared some pancakes and Ice tea for the kids before we head ourselves to the beach

Gusto ko mag blog

gusto ko magblog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pero di ko lang alam sasabihin ko! hirap pala pagmasaya ka nwawalan ka ng sasabihin!
hay.... gusto ko nga mag blog!!!!
HELP!!!!!
HAY NAKU...

Originally posted at cristymay.multiply.com

Dalom ba

Wednesday, March 12, 2008, 4:19pm. Gina pa ko di ya gapanumdom if ano man gid butang ko sa blog nga ni...na, ang date kag time nga na, wala lang a, para lang ko may masulat... basta bal-an ko may gusto ko ihambal, wala lang ko kabalo kung ano... budlay man ni man, gapanumdomdom pa ko daan if magamit ko akeanon or Hiligaynon di.

Hmmp, bag-o na naman trip ko subong, pero mayo pa man bala ulo ko kag...wala man ko problema subong... kung may ara man, amu na na ang mga wala pulos lng nga butang da, problema sang iban nga tawo... dalom a, daw intindihanay kuno abi kami...problema ni Marimar kag ni Joaquin Bordado  or kis-a gaugtas kay Kamandag...kis-a kung indi pa ko gani makuntento, mahimo ko daun bag-o nga problema para may ara lng mahambal kag para may ara mabasul kung may lain nga matabu... kagamu sa akon ha... san-o pa ko matarung man...

daw wala na ko pag asa haw.. ay...
 basta kung di lang ni tungod sa ginlantaw ko kag ginpulawan  nga Bb. Pilipinas 2008 coronation night sa GMA, wala ko ni napinsaran. Pagkatapos pa lang sang show gakatintar na ko actually magblog, galing ahay a, nakonsyus na ko sa inugsulat ko (hahha ginago e no) ahay na lng a... daw wala man ko right nga manuya, basta nasadyahan lang ko to ya... sala ko na bala nga  nagkadlaw ko... whehehehe pati, sugiri lng ko kung wala ka nagkadlaw kay pahimuan ta ka munyumento.
Maan tana kadya... dalom gid ya, daw ndi man ni gani shifting week...piho e no? daw wala lang ko exams.(Bugalon a.. ginago!) Daw wala lng ko nakonsenxa gapulaw ko ugtas sa TV, kag ginatulogan ko ang exam e no, ka-bad a.
Damo lang ko ginapinsar basta amu na ni..ginaatake na naman ko guro sang katamarindes. Dala na da ang makaon ko danay antis magsugod, or macheck ko emails, tapos mapicture picture sang kaugalingon, daw into gani, bala-an ko man into-anay na ni, pero cge man ko dyapon... daw galain pinsar ko haw... ginago giud ya. Kung mabal-an lang ni ni Paks, baw nd naya ko guro pagsuportahan di... basi malupad na ko sa Aklan sang alang-alang...
puro lng ko “karon lang” sang karon lang a... kung ara na gani ang ti-un “OMG” lang mahambal ko, gakakibot pa ko nga wala ko katapos tu-on, ginago gid ya. Cge lng a, buwas kay exam namon sa Histology, karon matu-on na guid ko ya... hahah ara naman ako. Hambal ko man gani.
Basta mu na to a, kadalom man ni s’kon man, basta lng ko di mablog wala man ni pulos... ti indi ko man na carry daan magblog about sa Pulitika para mapuslan man ko sang Pilipinas... or masulat ko bi tungod sa bago ko nadiskubre sa classroom para daw henyo man ko kuno, daw damo man nabal-an maski sa tood lang wala ko man naintindihan ang gusto hambalon sang libro to? Sakto man na bala?
Basta intindihanay na ta a, mu na gid ni ya... kag subong, kadugay  n naman si bro, gakatak-an na naman ako, wala gid ko ya pasenxa ya... wala na ayhan sila kabalo nga kung law-ay ang koneksyon gakadiskonekted man ko daun? Nu na ya man

 Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com

Biochemistry Day

my props:)

        Today is supposed to be our biochemistry day—to “cram” for the mind-numbing cycle of metabolism… those molecular pathways are driving me crazy! My imagination doesn’t work properly… I can’t picture out those molecules reacting to one another creating products of carbon skeleton and their R-groups entering one pathway or cycles in our cells. And what is the difference of organic phosphate and pyrophosphate once again? All I know is that one is Pi and the other is PPi— they are both phosphate.  So who the hell discovered how molecules are cleaved or transaminated to form new products? What a brain! I wished I also have the same number of functional neurons they have!

So biochem expert, I can hear you saying “dork!” I simply don’t understand and that’s it! I don’t need your violent reactions anyway; I am just being honest that those reactions are confusing me: is that for real?

And yeah, I already studied those stuffs in my Elementary Biochemistry class and I was even enrolled in Molecular and Cell Biology course—well, I got a grade of four in Cell Biology (freaking detailed reactions, I want a proof of their existence:-) and luckily satisfactory grade in Elementary Biohemistry! Still, I don’t understand the whole thing.

Well, this is science… yeah the one I love ever since. If only my memory is not failing me, I can surely do well. But it always does and it failed me a million times already!

And guess what I am doing before I write this blog item? I played Cake Mania and mystery case file… feeling guilty though. And last night I was with my friends drinking and having fun…

See, I am not even doing something to make myself improved a little bit. I got no spirit to study… there is something within me that is holding and pushing me to play games.

smiling timmy

All I understand is that when I play my mind sinks into nothingness. One kind of emptiness I wished to experience. I have nothing to think about—it is my way to run away from reality once again. Because my actions are revealing—there is something that upset me—something I don’t recognized yet.

Last night on my way home, I can’t help but to stare other passengers one by one. Each of them reminded me of the unfair life. Going into my life drama again!

Or perhaps I am just intoxicated; it is just a mere effect of the alcohol being absorbed by my system so quickly. So it is true that alcohol can be a depressant drug aside from being a stimulant. From my reading, it does depresses a person by closing some brain circuits, interferes chemical messages into the brain and ruin short term emotional gains…and want to hear of a molecular unfair reality? Women is said to produce less alcohol dehydrogenase (can reduce the amount of alcohol entering the body by approximately 20%) than men! That is why we become more intoxicated on less alcohol! Still, there is an issue of inequality here! Life is unfair even when it comes to molecular level.

Originally posted at

cristymay.multiply.com

Exam-now-study-later

Classes will resume in the next two days. What a sigh! I wish somebody from the government will pass a memo that the vacation is extended; I really don’t feel like going to school though staying at home is not funny anymore and it is getting more boring each passing day.

 The truth is, I haven’t started some of my paper works yet nor did I read my textbooks for exams and as what they have told us “we need to read in advance”. Chances are, I’ll be doing again this year the “exam-now-study-later system”.

So I wasted my time and I can hear “Dra. A” telling us we are no longer a college student and we are not supposed to take things for granted. Well, I wish I could reason out that my time is not wasted; it is only not enough to occupy everything. Right! I’m just trying to justify it.  I know she is right, and she is indeed a good counselor! Oh, did I declare it right?  She really confused me if our class under her is a Guidance Counseling or really one of our Major med subjects.

But the thing is, regardless of Dra.’s word that kills the day of every med student, I had a quality time with my family and of course needless to say, I really had a good and enough sleep: sleep early and wake up so late.  Isn’t it that life is so nice? I really have good perspective and it feels good (despite my academics are getting worst, but I can handle it; Dra is there to push me to my limit). I do appreciate the whole thing today, everything seems so great. Perhaps, those things were just ignored because my mind was preoccupied with my stupid dramas.  Well, I had promised myself not make dramas anymore: I guess it is someone’s choice to be happy or not, and I decided to be happy. Wow! How come it took me so long to realize this? Again, justifying myself, it is better than never realizing at all.

originally posted at: cristymay.multiply.com

Something with Nothing

my friend Danaya (weng)

friend Rianne (Ate Marriane)

I spent my sembreak ’07 with one-eyed freak aliens. Sounds weird, it really was. I am known as Amihan I remember, and sometimes I intentionally switched my identity to “Kape”—a black one.  My friends and I met every night at Rocketon and we stroll around the planet—there were lots of places to go—planet phalanges, meow2, pine, Saturn, and …I can’t remember the rest… well, I do miss chatting with my alien friends Asukal and Rianne. And occasionally, Dianna my recruited friends joined us to fool around.

            So what’s with this alien? Nothing…

            Now for christmas break, I no longer visit rocketon but i still keep in touch with my alien buddies.. I now keep myself busy with my fluffy friend… a puppog facebook pet I named “Bricks” who live in a Bark kingdom… I been petting him for a month already and I am enjoying it, Again!

Not a smart idea though, to pet fluffy friend and monitor its mood and speed to prepare bricks ready for a race. Shop him some foods, habitats, and minis… mingle with some other fluffy friends… addicting… oh! Right, really sounds funny…

            And again, there is nothing about Bricks!

            I been so passionate on updating my multiply, friendster and facebook account everyday. Update my facebook mood status and I do Check my horoscope and tarot cards every morning when I woke up. That’s it, my life… sounds boring but I personally love it.

Yeah, it is nothing but it is simply my only way to express myself “completely”. 

There, someone told me I’m crazy spending times with it. Who cares about my blogs and pictures anyway? Who cares about my mood and status? Who cares about my life? Who cares if I express myself or not? That’s so true, no one… but I do.

I guess this is just my way to help myself realized what is happening around me. Those things I ignore unintentionally and tend to recognize only when I write and update my mood… I then have the chance to fix it for my own good. See, it is just a way of surviving life.

Originally posted at 

cristymay.multiply.com