Love affair

To cross the line and to go beyond the boundaries, that is what friends do: Two people enjoying the comfort being between a serious relationship and being just a simple friend. Such relationship do exists but how could that possibly be safe? Physically, emotionally, Spiritually, Socially and morally it is not healthy, obviously. It is beyond norms thus it is one of the relationships that you can never be proud of. 

How about being in a friends-with-benefits-zone while the two of you are in a serious relationship with someone else? Infidelity. It is way too complicated. Complicated relationship made even more complicated. Sounds sad. Sounds irritating. Sounds real.

Since our culture dictated us what is supposed to be the right relationship, anything beyond is considered unacceptable. A violence to each and everyone around, even a violence to people who has nothing to do in your life.

Behind the line "relationship just happened" is a deeper reason why people gets involved with one another. Whatever that is, who are we to judge them? 

Is it Love? Happiness? Security? Boredom? Hate? Insecurity? what then? 

We all have our reasons.  Love sometimes is not enough. You want to feel being wanted and accepted. You're just happy with that someone.  Perhaps, that physical attraction every single time your eyes met is way too strong that you can't resist. Any reasons do. Maybe, its a way of getting even to those who have hurt you. It can be just a plain curiosity.

Falling in love with someone else is a choice, falling out of love is also a choice, to keep the relationship is a choice, and what relationship to keep is as well a choice. But an affair is an affair, the choice to make it serious is uncertain. 

Standing between the boundary of a serious relationship and friendship is fun. but you can't stand there forever. While you are still in that boundary, there are things to remember:

• Don't fall in love. This is just an affair and this won't last. 
• Accept the fact that there is no real love in affair, if there is,  then it is no longer an affair. Hopes of leaving the primary relationship will never happen. If one of you does, THINK again.
• Expect something worse. You're cheating (yes! a serious act of cheating) so the one you cheated on can leave you anytime and you have no chance to save the relationship. you can be forgiven, you can't be trusted.
• Keep it a secret. This is a relationship you can never be proud of. No one will be proud of you and no one will praise you how good a cheater you are. Chances are, you'll soon be losing friends and getting their eyebrows raise. Wear that poker-face and act there is nothing between the two of you. 
• keep it simple. Since this is a no-strings-attached kind, there's no need to demand for anything especially for time and attention. So you shouldn't be complaining and there should be no explaining.
• No messages, no emails, no comments on social media, just nothing.
• Protect your health. This is not all about having fun in bed. Think of getting STDs. 
• You can't be jealous. You can't be emotionally involved. Go back to the first bullet

If you can't live with  guilt. Don't get involve! End it then, the soonest you can

Hold on

I honestly wanted to write something that will make follower of this page (if there is, in any way who stayed) SMILE... but again, I'll write whatever is on my mind.

I used to be a full-time-stay-at-home-mama of one lovely daughter in a mission to make ordinary days extraordinary for a couple of months but then finally decided to pursue Medical School. From there, I don't know what exactly happened. Maybe, some "throwback" posts will soon be filling the gaps of my story. All I know right at this very moment is that I wanted to start sharing and reading blogs once again. I miss this writing whatever that is bugging me... since there  are a lot of them right now.  

I  ignore things, people, and situations. Easiest way I could  to make my journey easier. Let it be... let it pass... close my eyes...cover ears...take a deep breath from time to time... protect my heart if I can...and finally focus on things that will make me happy... You actually need to convince yourself   first that you'll be ignoring a lot of possibilities beforehand.

Recently, I learned from a friend the law of attraction which clearly states that every positive or negative event that happened with you was attracted by you. And so I tried... I realized it ain't easy at all! at the end of the day, when you are sad you still have to cry... no matter how strong you wanted the world to see you, you needed a corner. a hiding place maybe, where no one can see how scared you are over things you know they will never understand why. 

To be able to attract whatever you wanted to attract so you don't have to be that person you hated? I have no idea on "how's" yet, but I will be learning that in time.

One thing is for sure, if attracting positives won't be enough...  everything will work out for the best, holding on is always of good help. When I thought being that "crazy-lazy-future-MD" I used to label myself  became "going-to-be-MD-no-more"  hey, I'm on my way once again, this time I can't be that lazy, maybe still crazy but earned that MD. Thanks God. 

 

Staying young

"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land." Peter Pan

 Apart the desire to look young is the eagerness to hold the innocence we once cling into—those days when we believed that life is beautiful. Those days when we never thought that our playground will soon be a battlefield. No one told us of that actually. Everyone has allowed us to enjoy and then soon after the pleasure was the surprises of seeing the unforeseen part of life—Failures, disappointment, and frustrations do exist. It is never easy to chase a dream unlike imagined.

Growing up, at times, is something we wish we can get rid of. There comes a time when we wanted to go back to the unrestricted world we once enjoyed during our childhood days. We sometimes long for those years when we know nothing about fear, when we ask instead of we search for an answer, when the only task that tired us was to arrange our toys in a shelf. Less troubled world. We are free of responsibilities, duties, and obligations. 

Being young also means the ability to solve tough problems because you are not baffled yet by the possibilities of failing. Focus was never an issue back then. Panic was never a part of life.  Thus, younger minds have better ideas. Sadly, some of us somehow lose the ability as we aged, as the roads we took distract us. 

To stay young.  It is the first thing we could ever wish for when our hearts are broken, whenever we are blamed, when we are discourage by life, when we are disappointed by our shattered dream,  and whenever we find ourselves astray amidst of nowhere.

When this kind of time will knock our day, it is not bad to pamper ourselves with everything we loved during our younger years. 
Walk down to the sea shore barefoot to collect shells
Climb a tree and have some time alone like there is no way for you to fall
Dance under the rain like no one cares
Have a break to play
Laugh out loud with old friends
Talk to someone younger than you
Remind yourself on how to laugh, how to make fun, how it feels like to be young. 
Freshen up your mind because there are times when we forget how to laugh.

It is not bad to laugh like a kid. Just set your limitation on how young you would go. What am I talking about? to follow peter pan to Neverland (it's your choice anyway). The idea of flying away to a magical world with Peter Pan is a fantasy of many because everyone wanted to stay young.  Despite my envy to him for he is embracing a world of fun, I never wanted to be like him. He is a man (?!? / a little man?!?)… Whatever! He is someone who did not take on the responsibility of adult life. He is now flying around the never land—no job, have not settle into a relationship, he is watching generations suffer as it comes and go. I wanted some of the things Peter does not want. I want to be one responsible grown-up, I want a job, and I want a relationship. Peter pan might embrace the joy and wonder of being young but has lost sight of the purpose—that part, I do not want to happen in my life.

Well, I do not really want to condemn Peter for what he is right now. Everyone has a purpose and choice. I want to respect them whatever it may be. I have my own and my purpose in life is to grow up and conquer life.

Gone are those days… Peter Pan is not going to fly to my window and will not take me to Never Land. If he will, I'll choose to stay here on my own real world. Here, I can stay adventurous—I can stay young at heart.

"Second to the right, and straight on till morning." Peter Pan

Time travel: The Crêpe I made in Boracay Island

 

I nearly forgot the name of the french restaurant I've visited back in 2009 somewhere along the beach front of Boracay Island. Prior to this, I have to search on-line, typed in "Crepe at boracay" knowing it serves crepes.

And so I remember Ti Braz, thanks to Google search engine for reminding me of my failing memory. I was actually there to pay my friend a visit, not to eat. Its not the usual food that could satisfy my hungry stomach and its not even the kind of place I'll hang out at.

The demonstration of this and that

Can I write something like "when the cat is away, the mouse will play"? I wrote it anyway.

Since her boss was out during my visit, no one reminded us that visitors are not allowed during working hours. There goes my friend, a very typical employee together with her very typical friend (that's me tolerated her).  Why so typical? A lot of employees are halfhearted nowadays, they only do good at work when someone is supervising. When there is none, they forget rules. "That is a typical employee is all about and a typical friend says this-->" Good thing I'm just a friend trying to have fun--I'm a little conscience free.

So....as I was really tempted to help her because she seemed to be having fun while working, she allowed me to enter to their "employee only" zone. She taught me and had given me one good chance to make my own yummy crepe free of charge *wink-wink*. Such a perfect treat, isn't it? :)

This is not my ordinary Pancake

Mango Crêpe with Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Sauce on Top

 I made one for myself (with a lot of help of course, my friend did the final touch) I only had the crepe done by spreading the prepared mixture onto a flat circular hot plate using a spatula. The making wasn't easy, I think it requires experience and skills (a lot of it) The idea is to distribute the mixture evenly until a very thin cake is achieve without tearing them off. The one I made wasn't perfect, what do you expect for a first timer?!? (now I'm being defensive for not making it right).

More than having a free mango crepe? It was really the the preparation that made it special. 

North bound trip

It was just another ‘Out of the blue invite from a good friend… but that North bound trip was pretty well an answer to a prayer.

All I ever desire back then was to ‘take hold of freedom’ and ‘experience how it feels like to be free’ (again) even in the simplest way that I could. I wanted a break from the life I had... from the path I’ve chosen. My life was a mess and everyday felt like a waste then. Prior to our unplanned get-away, I had already challenged myself to go to a place I’ve never been my entire life (I should be alone) to prove that I still had the nerve to be me—that I can make my own decision… that I can still meet and talk to people…that there is life other than mine…

The travel was good but unfortunately the way of life remained just the same back home...but still, My stay at Vigan was a really good experience. I enjoyed and I managed to set my burdens aside--felt so free when I was there.

Vigan, a city influenced by the Spaniards (?!?). Believe it or not that was my first time to hear "VIGAN CITY". I never knew the place exists. ( because I never paid attention to my history and geography class!) So I was a little bit surprised when I heard from the man inside the ticket booth that it is a ten-hour bus ride from where we were (Quezon City).

The excitement was there in the face of being a stranger. The first thing I asked myself was “Is this Vigan?” The place was a typical of a small town having regular folks…it was around six in the morning when we arrived. From the bus terminal, a tricycle rode us to Grandpa’s Inn, a charming old residence that was converted to accommodate travelers and guest. It only cost us 800php/night (I think) for a decent room with amenities that includes a clean comfort room, two comfortable beds, a ceiling fan, and a television—good enough for us.

*traveling back in time, sometime in December 2009*

Shanna’s itinerary is of great help, we know where to go and what to do thus maximizing our stay with a whole lot of fun .And this proved me wrong... Vigan is not at all a typical town.

Indeed a very convenient checklist...
I know! I said it was unplanned...it really was
but that doesn't mean one of us did not anticipate a North bound trip.
Having a checklist is a good idea.
So let the tour begin...

 

 Calle Crisologo

We enjoyed the walk through the four blocks of cobblestone streets lined with heritage houses. I never really realized the "four blocks of cobblestone" until I read the city's commercial site on-line.

The houses are simple but very detailed in architecture which have been turned into stores and museum...

you can visit the street anytime you wanted but for me it was great during evening when the street transformed into 18th century-like ambiance.whoa! Time travel!!!
in addition, it is also nice because the place is cozy for lovers...sweet :)

Vigan Houses, most was converted to commercial buildings. We never really ate at famous resto and fast food. We contented ourselves eating in Carinderias which served famous Vigan foods (especially longganisa and Lutong-bahay foods--very Pinoy) in cheap amount. 60php already mean a heavy meal... a very heavy meal...

 

Calesa ride

A fun ride around the city and the surrounding town.

We paid 300php for (more than) three-hour service, worth it!

we're lucky enough to meet a friendly cochera who then became our tour guide for no extra charge...

In general, Locals of Vigan are very accommodating... it's like a home away from home.

Baluarte

the governor's fortress owned by Gov. Chavit Singson

I think  the place was still on the process to improvement during our visit...

It  features a mini zoo with exotic animals and the one I enjoyed--butterfly garden!!!, 

a small calesa... yes! having a small horse... a donkey I think, gave us a free-ride so we can get closer with some of the free animals like deers and ostrich...scary though but still fun

Father Burgos Museum 

The ancestral home of Father Burgos, one of the three martyrs who died by strangulation 

Inside were well taken memorabilia and photographs, family antiques, Father Burgos’ quarters and a mini library containing his student Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere which we argued if it is authentic. 

We were, by the way, guided by a tourism graduating student.

Pagburnayan

These men showed us how a burnay is made while we talked to the owner.

Accordingly jars were not only for decors but also useful among salt-making business as their storage...

"The making of burnay is done with just the use of the potter’s skillful hands and use of pottery wheel and kiln. Fine sand is used to temper the clay, which once fashioned into the desired shape is placed inside high-temperature ground kilns made from brick and clay."

Shrine of our Lady of Charity

Saint Agustine Parish Church

One of the oldest churches of Ilocos Sur
Since it was my first time I offered a little prayer...  

Bantay Belfry/ The famous bell tower

I've seen pictures of friends beside the bell but I never knew it was in Vigan...

located in the Bantay district of Vigan 

It was said to be the people’s watchtower, part of the city’s defense that helps in alerting it against possible enemies.

At the top of the tower I was amazed by the panoramic view of the Vigan community...

amazing! 

I'm so in love with the place

This garden is no longer a secret to us...a private-owned tourist attraction that displays and sell very expensive variety of plants, serves coffee, and a good hang-out too.

 Crisologo Museum
The last of all the Museums we visited owned and maintained by Crisologo family

Villa Angela Heritage House

Again, I never knew the history of the place until the visit. They said, Tom Cruise was one of their guests (not really a big deal to me). Then it also display the wooden carriage used by Irene Marcos on her wedding.

A visit to Vigan will not be complete without tasting its famous Vigan empanada and Royal bibingka...
Empanada cost thirty-five pesos each which is quite expensive for me to have as many to fill my hunger

After a day of tour...We had a little good time at the bar then transferred at Grandpa's resto because there was one not-so-kind-woman who pissed us.

  And here's more of the fun we had...

A boy?... A girl?...

I’m eleven days earlier my appointment.

My non-productive cough got on the nerves of my mother that prompted “her” to consult me to a doctor. So to make the consultation story short, the doctor advised me to just rinse my throat with a saline solution since she found no significant findings upon auscultation—that cost me 250php already.

At least my visit served my prenatal-check as well which mean I don’t have to come back in the next two weeks anymore as scheduled. So! I am now weighing 60 kilograms and my fundal height measures 19cm. The doctor said it seems I was the only one gaining weight, not my baby. According her, I may be adequate on size but I don’t fit with the average 27-week old pregnant. I don’t really understand her. She always comes with “but’s and then’s” and after that will eventually tell me “You’re doing good, there is nothing to worry about”. I think I’ll never have a chance to like her.

In any way, I’m still looking forward to pay her a visit next month. I’m counting down the days! It’s because next month will be the month that I am going to know my baby’s gender. Cheers for that!!! Two out of ten people I know said I’m having a boy; the rest believed it’s a girl. Let us wait until next month then.

I am excited at the same time scared. Why? It’s because all this time I was bothered by the possibility of my baby to have some structural deformities.  I never knew, I never seen my baby developed…all I know is that my baby is alive and kicking. Is that enough?

Until next month… I'm praying for my baby’s good health. 

Si Nanay

I used to call her Nanay...like everyone does.

She is my Aunt actually, my mother’s eldest sister. The person behind my mother's success in life as I was always told, "hindi ako makakapagtapos ng aking pag-aaral kung wala si Manang" hmm...that part is a long story. I'm not going into details.

Earlier, I wanted to talk here not as one of her niece but as a person who sees her as a good individual. I wanted to go out of the circle for once and will speak as another person… but I realized that won’t change anything because I think that we all look up at Nanay in just the same way whether we're part of her family or not.

Me, Nanay, and Mama

She is not a potential saint which in her conviction there is none. Being a born Adventist she doesn’t worship anyone other than God in heaven—so I guessed it won’t make her feel good if I considered her a future saint because we should not worship anyone other than God (One lesson from her). That’s why I’m hot going to worship her…if it happens that by the end of this post her name will be uplifted then that is just because she deserves a good testimonial.

It is in her nature to help the needy. She has the ability give, the power to bend her back, and has the talent to sacrifice.

Ask Nanay to make you a dress—you’ll have it in no time. She made me hundred of dresses already since I was little (From casual to school uniforms, party dresses, Prom gowns, etc.) and I am thankful for that although there were times I despise her style, still I wore all of them. Ask Nanay to pray for you—she’ll be singing songs of praises too. Ask Nanay for knowledge and wisdom—she’ll guide you to come close to God to attain that.

Experience wise, I’m pretty sure she made it through a lot of hard times. That’s why she understands. That’s why she helps. That’s why she sings amidst the trouble… I bet she been through one horror after another. She has a lot of untold stories that made her that good and that strong. 

Her life today can tell...no one will argue but everyone will agree.

The balloon that symbolizes the desire of each family member--They will fly as high as they can together

Today in her 70^th birthday (having 5 children, 12 grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren on her side) Nanay is a picture of a contented happy woman.

Very Inspiring...

Seeing her smile today, I can’t help but to wonder whom to consider lucky. Is it Nanay for having a successful family or her family being raised by Nanay thus became successful? I guess both sides feel exactly just the same—proud of each other.

My mother decorated this cupcakes and cakes for Nanay...

I'm kind of a big deal, but not actually.. hehehe
I just wanted to show I'm also proud being part of the family

A cup of Hot Caramel Macchiato for me!

The Third Place

It’s not home.

It’s not workplace.

It’s that special place between where we meet to awaken our senses, to find inspiration, and to make tasting connections.

 (Starbucks Coffee)

Source: google.com via Cristy on Pinterest

Coffee is always the first thing I could ever think of whenever I wanted to break free.  It is so powerful that it can bring me back to the old world where I fit in—unruffled. The smell it provides can steer me to a promising escapade.

And until now it still amazes me each time I think of those moments back when I used to call my coffee buddies so I can have someone to share my worries with--I used to asked for some small talk. Then the moment the coffee is served in front of me it seems it automatically drive away all the sadness. That simple. So the rest of the hours will be spent on catching-ups and chit-chat and there will be no more melodramatic talks. It is constantly serve with magic.  Every cup can make ordinary moments turned into something wonderful.

This doesn’t mean I crave for coffee only when I’m sad. I can spend a whole day motionless as long as I am served with a cup of coffee. A day seems incomplete without having a sip of coffee in the morning. Night seems not over without it also.

I’m a coffee lover and I can have any kind of coffee anytime and anywhere I wanted. Life is so simple; an aroma of it can make me smile, a sip of it can make my day, a cup of it keeps me going. I love it especially on rainy days…in the morning…in the afternoon… at night… while alone… with friends…right now…

Indeed, all I ever think of these past days is a cup Caramel Macchiato and java chips served with cinnamon swirl.

I am so missing those old good times when my friends and I stayed out late at night for a coffee date. 

Love... Love... Love...

A lot of us think that expressing one’s care by words is juvenile. I am one of them. 

What I'm just trying to point out is that there are a lot of important things to talk about than exchanging sweet nothings which has nothing to do with your day but to make you feel good for a minute or two. It may bring you to euphoric state but won’t take you any farther. It may inspire you a little bit but not completely. It will get you boosted to do daily tasks, motivate you to feel good about yourself but that’s just it. As the old saying goes "action speaks louder than words". And action we mean that  in a responsible way.

There are a lot of ways to spice up a relationship...

Source: topit.me via Cristy on Pinterest

(I will not talk against sweet nothings because I believe in them. I love hearing them.  Again, I just don't put so much importance with it like every minute should be spend with such sweetness, that could bore a relationship)

I find it pretty awkward to tell the world out loud that I am in love and I am missing someone. I am not the kind of a person who talks about her partner all day with her friends. 

Being a melodramatic is already my nature but to express this kind of good emotion is way different when expressing love out of a broken relationship. The reason why I seldom write about how good being in love is. Most of my posts then talks about the other side of love like  break-ups and pains.

I hate when I am asked to talk about my love or when somebody accuses me of denying details of my own love life. Denying is a very different story. Yes, I may at times talk that I am comfortable being single despite the fact that I am in a relationship. I find it decent to claim my relationship status being single. Anyway, in legal papers you can be either be single or married or widowed. There is no such thing as "in-a-relationship", "It's complicated", "in-a-love-triangle" and so on.

I realized that stating a relationship status is not so important (but still it is). When you’re good you don’t actually have to label your better half as your boyfriend or as your girlfriend because as long as you do relate with issues then be it. You can be together and their will be this silent vows that will assure you of loyalty. Words, may it be uttered or written in a piece of paper is not enough. Everybody can sign a paper, everybody can talk, but not everybody can be real with what they feel. 

Sometimes some of us chooses to go public not because we are proud of ourselves for having a good partners but to rather assure ourselves that everyone around us is informed that we are already taken and they should not be disturbing us anymore. A sort of insecurity.

Source: xiaoxizhang.com via Cristy on Pinterest

I’ve been there. Some tend to become showy, those we labelled as Public Display of Affection type of lovers. When I was younger I used to be one of the PDA type not because I wanted my partner to feel me but because I wanted to tell the world that my partner is my own— that no one should come near him. I have fallen so mad that I made him my world, and the moment his gone I found myself floating in space because I lost my world. That was funny. It’s not that I don’t want to repeat the same experience of behaving like a 24/7 guard-on-duty kind of a girlfriend. 

I think it would be unfair not to express anymore just because of the past. The issue lies not as to whether you are proud enough to show affection in public but on how you show it to the right person.

It’s not that I don't want to show love. It's the mere fact that  it’s not the people around me I love and I’m missing so why should I tell them? It's not them and it's not my obligation to get them updated. I learned a better way. Talk to the person directly because it is not everybody’s business to hear and see how you love each other. 

What really matters most is to show the person you love how much you love them.

Operation Big Brother...

I can’t remember her name, how old she was that time, where exactly we’ve met but I remember her smile and I remember this was from her:

A fancy wristband I found inside my closet, maybe once the most precious wristlet for her but will forever be precious to me. Fancy it may look around her little wrist but the moment she transferred the bond to mine it became special that brought unsurpassed emotion. A gift made of sincerity and valued with sentiment. 

It was her pure heart who gave me the bond. I remember her saying “Don’t throw this away when you step out from this orphanage; promise me to keep this for this rubber band means a lot to me”. I was wordless that moment, bowled over to say the word “thank you”.  She spoke like it was the most expensive gift a child could offer.

It is a tradition of The Beta Sigma Fraternity and Ladies Corps to conduct “Operation Big Brother”  every December with its purpose not just to show people the good side of being a frat man but also to extend hands free of will—gift giving, foods, games-- just to make the orphans happy. That was the only OBB I attended.

The whole body agreed to visit “Kanlungan sa ER-MA Ministry Inc.” on 2008 somewhere in Laguna. I was hesitant to join the programme with a thought that it would just make sad children sadder by slapping them with a reality that they’re just an orphan contented with a small visit. I was wrong. 

Each kid has their own way to make themselves passionate to us. They never showed discontentment in life. I never heard them talking that they were abandoned by families, rejected by people, left behind by lifestyle.

They possess the power to make simple things priceless as simple as it seems. They can touch heart without knowing how and free from intention of changing one’s life. Life has not to be perfect to be wonderful.

They may be sad but they lift their own spirits not to be doomed in sadness. Inspiring isn’t it?  

At first, I thought that maybe these kids were just overwhelmed by the presents and the foods we prepared. But they weren’t. They were more interested to hear from us… of how good life is outside the orphanage… of how lucky we are with our lives. They were more excited to show to us what they’ve prepared. 

At the end, we we’re the one who was entertained. We were there to extend our hands, we never thought of those children can offer us more than we could.

Some other organizations were still on the list waiting for their turn to visit while we were there; scheduled with only limited time. The long list made me realized that at the end of our visit there will be another me to visit them, another us, and thousands of people like us that will make them forget about the moment we just have. 

I was wrong with that, again. I caught a young lady who wrote a letter to one of our co-member who was not able to come with us that year. So they can remember because they’re all real. That scene made me cry. I never thought they'll be that real, that they know how to cherish two-three hours of acquaintance.

The Kids have known Beta Sigma for quite some time, this visit was already anticipated and some of them were expecting for the same smile they’ve seen a year ago.

That instant, I thought not of the band around my wrist but the little hand that put them in. I was lucky to meet a child whose innocence touches my existence.