Starting today, there will be no more dirty white worn-out
shoes. Its not that I’m going to buy a new one just exactly planned but
simply because there is no need for me to wear those anymore. But let’s not
talk about those old shoes I left on a shoe rock three days ago. Maybe it wasn’t
there anymore, maybe the housekeeper already have trashed them. So let’s just forget those 6-month old shoes I
wore, that was the cheapest of all that I got but it protected me from the slippery floor. On that afternoon, I felt my shoes for the last time, feeling so
sorry that I can never wear them anymore. It may not feel right, but it should
be soon.
Today, as I walk my way to that company to hand them my resignation letter, I wast thinking of
the people who undeniably been good enough for me, the strict management who
disciplined me in any way, more of those smile from people I speak and mingle with
from time to time between serious office hours—I’ll miss them as I am missing
my old shoes. Despite those mindless days, yes, I am somehow missing them.
But the feeling weakens each time I think of the real reason
why I have to feel this missing-thing. This is actually all about “moral
obligation” I needed to render to be accepted by them. An obligation that is, should
have good reason and should be in right time. And to clear this out, time I mentioned will not be based just
on their judgment and reason will
not just because it should be according to today’s norm.
So I decided not to be morally obliged because I have enough
reason not to and because it’s not time yet.
My assurance though, someday I will because I know my
obligations. Will come to that the soonest we could. Time and reason will help us.
Crazy-lazy-future MD is happening no more. By fault or by fate, chances of not becoming a future M.D. is way too high. Beyond the doubts that I’m having is an understanding of how I’ve been. My acceptance (perhaps) of what I am worthy of . "Doc Tim" is not meant to be,...at all. True to the fact that I had took things for granted, I acted
like I had nothing to worry about despite the fact that there was, and for being the kind of student who never waited for weekends to party,
go to classroom to sleep, go shopping after class, and stayed up late
on-line--all of these are proofs that I never valued what I have started. I did lost my determination to become one of the greatest physician of our town. I failed because I prioritized what should not.
Sounds like a denial to defend myself or a justification perhaps, whatever this may be… it makes me plead guilty for something...argh! I do not understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm feeling bad that I struggled to earn a BS Biology degree, went to a Medical school... and now working as an admin assistant. Isn't that too great? Don't get me wrong, It's not my work per se that makes me feel this bad.
No one told me that I can be one of the underemployed not because of my capacity but because there is such an "employer's fear" of hiring someone who haven't completed her post graduate school requirements YET--that such level will be as good as a "High School Undergraduate". I am often distracted by my educational background, especially how other people treats me as a college undergraduate. It bothers me too good and is degrading me. Although I have no intention to defend my profile--because I always believed that no one deserves to access the details behind this journey. I am not delivering a speech to explain what was done. There will never be a public explanation on why's and how's. A nod is enough, I'll let people believe what they want to believe but still I am going to fight for what I think is right.
Today I am going to talk about how my bad my Monday went at
the office. This is not the usual complaint of Monday-haters! I don’t even have
the idea yet why a lot of employees hates the first day of the week. Mine went
good until a new task was assigned. I was asked to proctor for a pre-employment
exam of applicants. I felt disappointed on checking their papers but this kind
of task is not new to me since I was one of the trusted students to check
papers since my grade school up to my secondary. I was then assigned to conduct
an initial interview. I had fun throwing questions and clarifying their
submitted data although I can feel that I still have to gain more confident to
be more effective. Sounds easy, right? Indeed it was.
Now the hardest on my part was to become a bearer of bad news.
I received a lot of memorandum telling me they already found a better candidate
or I scored low on the exam, so I know how it feels. As much as I wanted to be pleasant, my obligation
contradicts. I have to inform them that we can’t go further with their
application. I feel bad but I have to be professional in dealing with such
pressure. What I realized is that I need to loosen-up my affection next time
because it is shaping me to distraction—I had a hard time concentrating on my other
tasks after the experience. Felt bad...
It feels like my energy level is running down too fast. At 8:00m A.M. today on my 2nd day of work I’m a dead beat. But here I am a heavy-eyed freak ready for another shout.
My intention is not to let everyone know of my background on my purpose to seek for a new beginning. But to my concern, although I still hope it’s not for “everyone”, my profile is an open-book by now. My anxiety lies on their interest to know the reason behind my decision why I quit medicine and had chosen to work instead. Just the same questions I’m asking myself. The only certain as of now is that I’m putting that dilemma out-of-my-way for awhile. Someday, because I should, I will make sense of what I’m doing right now. I’m having a break for goodness sake.
I’m not condemning those who started to look into on my profile because for all we know it’s a normality to make the new one the talk-of-the-town isn’t it? Do I sound conceited? I’m sorry for that. I just want to speak my mind because it feels like I was taken aback. Maybe I was expecting a “confidentiality thing” like of a medical records. Yeah right, it’s not a medical record to keep private. How nuts I am to make such kind of assumption.
Things didn’t turn the way I expected. It was fun sorting
files, escorting visitors, serving them coffee, and answering the unending
phone calls for different departments.
Since I am not familiar using intercom to transfer and
divert calls I hang up on the first five callers, I think! But then I got myself used to it—I can now handle messages and relay them to my superiors effectively.
To know everyone at the office personally is rather
impossible since there is a limited chance of talking to each other. Besides, the
only reason I talk to them is to whenever I needed some clarification and confirmation
regarding the tasks assigned to me. Every so often, I was hesitant to approach
them in the thought that I might interrupt and annoyed them—that I don’t want
to happen! I know how it feels to have somebody beside me who ask a lot when in
fact the answer is just there. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers! But then,
since I’m a newbie, I rather give the impression of being stupid asking those
questions to clarify than pretending I know everything and not clarifying at
all. I think it will make the situation worst if I do things on my own without
their supervision during the first day. I’m still lucky my boss is very patient
and calm in answering my questions.
I don’t think I did well on my first day but I promised
myself to make some rooms for improvement. I can’t wait to work on my own. Wish
me luck for tomorrow’s adventure!
Quite disappointed a little bit for I felt everyone is in doubt of me. My cousin just was asking for my assurance that I really wanted a work and that if I can handle the pressures of being an administration assistant otherwise known as office secretary more likely a servant of the staff.
I was presented with responsibilities I’m going to partake with: make cups of coffee, manage the garbage area, do the errand, serve as communication and information assistant, do some janitorial stuff and a lot more administrative and clerical job.
I was told that I am “over qualified” for the job because of my educational background but I was thinking that I am actually under qualified because they might trying to consider my capacity to be one since I am not used to it.
I was informed that they’ll pay me with a minimum wage (300php) and I am under agency which honestly saddened me because I’ll be wearing T-shirts instead of skirts. That doesn’t matter much anyway.
The Japanese Manager of the company who interviewed me yesterday felt bad for several reasons; they’re paying my cousin 20x higher than minimum, I’ll only work for five months, and there were other “your Cousin is this kind and that kind” issues that confused them to put me on a lower job position.
Despite these warnings, I’ll stand still and not be discouraged. The show must go on. My idea is to start again like back to zero level. It’s a noble job and its the mere fact that I graduated three years ago--I can’t consider myself a fresh graduate anymore. My knowledge I learned from college is no longer active. I am totally dumbed by time. I need to open my mind as well as my options; any job will make a good start.
