Happy Father's Day

Fathers are just wonderful in a million different ways.
My father...

• A simple man, he has no classy attribute, he is comfortable wearing worn-out clothes and slippers (sometimes of different colors already)  He is humble in many ways.
• A no-show man during PTA meetings, Closing exercises at school, Tribute to Parents program but he did surprised me when he showed up during my college graduation
• The man who don’t smoke, don’t drink… the only vice he is into is giving his roosters a quality time (instead of having moments with love ones) but never involved himself in any cockfighting event
• The man of sacrifice and works so hard just to provide his family with their needs and wants
• The man who spent half of his life as a military man but talks with patience and was never strict to us as expected by many…
• The man who seldom talk but whenever he does, he talks with humors
• The man who prefers silent whenever a harsh time knocks
• The man who never fought back his wife (hindi sya under-the-saya, mabait lang talaga sya).
• The man behind Boracay's Best...ADEL’S Polvoron

To my dear Papa,

This is for all those times that...
            you love me, although I am not worthy of "too much"…

            you gave me advice, but I raised my voice to argue instead…

            you gave me back my faith every time I lost a fight...

            you stood by me although I pushed you so hard so you’d go away...

            you held me although I wanted to be independent...

            I neglected your authority as my father...
            I took you for granted...

            I disappointed you...
            Down the line...
 
I am sorry

But

I love you Papa

I am proud of having a man like you...

Thank you for being you despite having a daughter like me…

Here's a Special Prayer for our Dads

Lord,please bless our fathers,
these men who mean so much to us,
who are greatly responsible
for who we are and who we are becoming.
Bless them for having the courage
to do what’s necessary to keep us out of trouble,
for making us do the right thing,
for helping us build our character,
even when it makes us angry;
and bless them for pushing us to do our best,
even when they just want to love us.
Bless our fathers for being our protectors,
for leading us through stormy times to safety,
for making us believe that everything will be all right
and for making it so.
Bless our fathers for quietly making a living
to provide for those they love most,
for giving us food, clothing, shelter
and other necessary and not so necessary material things,
for unselfishly investing time and money in us
that they could have spent on themselves.
Bless our fathers, Lord,
for saving some energy for fun,
for leading us on adventures
to explore the outer reaches of ourselves,
for making us laugh,
for being our playmates and our friends.
Bless them for being our secure foundation, our rock,
for holding on tight to us...until it’s time to let us go.
Lord, bless these men we look up to,
our role models, our heroes,
our fathers.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

By JoannaFuchs

Again, 
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
 

Heading Towards the Finish Line

I'm on my last trimester with less than 10 weeks until the estimated date of delivery—sixty seven more days to go. I am looking forward to embrace the beauty (as well as the other side of it of course) of parenthood.

Sleepless and Midnight trips to the bathroom to empty my bladder became my way of life this trimester. Getting a good night sleep became difficult again. My bumpy belly (bigger than before) brings no comfort.  That’s why I’m here blogging this early (it's four in the morning).

I’m very excited at the same time a bit impatient about meeting my child. The wait is longer than it seems. I can’t imagine myself waiting for another 10 more weeks.  Taking too long...

Along this waiting are my questions and fears. I can't pretend everything is fine. I have worries, too.

My “seem to be endless list of concerns” include…  

1. The fear of the unknown. While people around me are so eager to know of my baby’s gender. I am, on the other hand, is quite worried if my child is normal. Being once in a class of embryology, paediatrics, Obstetrics, gynaecology, genetics I am aware of certain possibilities. I wonder from day to day if my baby will be and is perfectly fine. 

2. The possibility of having serious complications during delivery aside from developmental failure. I’m praying for a trouble-free birth.

3. If I can cope up the pain of labor. What if I’ll collapse?!?  I’m just holding on to the fact that millions of women survived labor and delivery pain.Pain is temporary... It is! it really is! 

4. Financial aspect is getting on my way. I think of diapers, formula, clothing, bedding, cribs, toys, and much more. I should be preparing them, but I haven’t started yet. I wanted everything done before the baby arrives but we need to save for hospital bills and emergency medical cases instead.

5. Relationship with my partner, family and friends. My baby will surely bring changes. A lot of changes. I hope I can handle the pressures other than the things I listed on my post Bits and Pieces of me --things I already accepted that those will no longer be part of my life anymore. 

6. The Grandparents are going to "take-over" my child. My baby's grandparents from both sides are just as excited. What if they will re-live their early parenthood days and not allow me to feel the beauty of being a first-time mom? But I can’t deny the fact that needed help and they know best. I can really sense clash of ideas between us soon.

7. Worry that I won't be good mother. I guess I’ll just wait for my baby so my parenting instincts will kick in. 

8. Worry if we could provide. We are definitely challenged to offer the best of this world. The protection, the comfort, a good future, the necessary guidance, and less the fear of being alone.

9.  Going back to Med School. Being a “supposedly Soon-to be MD” (currently a Mom-to be), out of school and a super bum for that matter, I doubt if going back to school will still be an option after I gave birth. Although I have plans, going back won’t be easy anymore. I wonder who will look after my child and if I am strong enough to sacrifice.

10. The least I could ever think of is my physique. I’ve been feeling looking exhausted becoming the most ugly woman in our town. I never seen the motherly glow they’ve been talking about.  I got this nose like of Rudolph the red-nose reindeer; I got swollen ankles, my neck turned dark, etc.. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind of a supermodel neither the beach bum who wears two-piece prior my pregnancy. I’m not, but confidence lessened a bit. I’m starting to hate skinny pretty ladies my age.

  

Albeit all these fears is the simple truth that I am overjoyed. I know I can do better than all these. Looking forward to see my first born sometime in August.  

the day I Captured Nemo

The three things I remember from the movie FINDING NEMO:

1. We live our lives as if we only got two options: We either stay in a comfortable zone where it is obviously safer or take the risk to go out where there is adventure. Most of the time for most of us, we choose the power to go out and tend to show everyone how brave we are.

Marlin: Nemo! You’re gonna get stuck out there and I’ll have to go get you before another fish does. Get back here! Get back here now! Stop! You make one more move, mister…

[Nemo lifts his fin]
Marlin : Don’t you lay a fin on that boat! Don’t you dare touch that boat! Don’t you…
[Nemo touches the boat]
Marlin : Nemo! 

2. Life, in one thing or another, never fails to surprise us with a lot of challenge. We have so many things to learn in order to survive and we can learn most of these as we venture. The movie said; when things get tough just keep on swimming. We are all like little nemo (perhaps big daddy Marlin) in this big wide world, it is indeed scary meeting different creatures along the way (mean creatures) We should not allow fear to stop us. We should never give up when life becomes scary.  
There will come a time we needed to go out, no matter how we resist not to (for those who preferred to stay in their comfort zone) Get motivated and be inspired by people around you to get life going.

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. 

3. Our parents love us no matter how hard headed we are. 

Marlin:There, there, there. It's ok, Daddy's here, daddy's got you. I promise I will never let anything happen to you...Nemo. 

The movie showed the father’s fear for the safety of his children. Every family member I think has an instinct to provide and protect each other. We should not take this for granted. Don’t put yourself in so much trouble just because life is an adventure and because you know your family will protect you in the end. Just imagine the pain and the risk it will bring them. 
In addition, there are those who became rebel because they failed to realize that overly protective parent have no intention other than the safety of their children.

One thing I also noticed: 

We are sometimes like Marlin. We refuse to be challenged. Despite the lessons we learned from the past, we tend to be reluctant to face another that gets our way.  But lessons are nothing if we can't apply them in our real lives. knowing a thing is way different than doing it.

But here is my own version of finding Nemo adventure… 
(Traveling back in time years ago)

I found myself shouting “nemo!!!!... Nemo!!!!... Where are you my dear nemo?!?” *very desperate under the heat of the sun along the intertidal zone of Taklong Island* 
From time to time, a teenage boy named “Tata stephen” the young bankero to whom I trusted my life with while I'm in that island would say “Palitan mo na kasi ang study mo Nang, mas madaming Sea urchins... Sea stars...blah blah blah”. A brilliant suggestion. True. Finding nemo wasn’t easy. It’s like a “search for a one peso coin… a coin at the bottom of the not-so-deep intertidal zone”. 

 

At times, I agreed with Tata and was tempted to propose another topic for my special study. But I did not, because I was told by my adviser after my preliminary sampling “that’s a good sign Tim, I’m happy with the progress” after I told  him  I have seen only one clownfish… I’ve seen one little tiny clown fish after a day of boating/ a little diving/snorkeling around the Island.What a progressed!

 My special study  entitled “The species, composition, distribution and abundance of Clownfish along the Intertidal Zone of Taklong Island and Vicinity, Nueva Valencia, Guimaras" brought me to Taklong that year. Studying a community structure of a certain species back then was easy, to find nemo wasn't.

It wasn’t that fun but full of adventure. Aside from the main search was the threat of meeting Mr. Coral snake. We actually met one time and it was the funniest day I had in that Island. I hurriedly jumped back to the boat as fast as I can because of panic. I still can't imagine myself. I’m sorry for not presenting my self well, mister!

On our way to Taklong Island

 Motivated by the words “good sign and progress” *so sweet*, we made a lot of a total census until finally found them. And lucky enough to found just exactly like this one (I’m using a cheap, not to mention plastic made, underwater camera of avon [toinks!] so I never got a good picture for my own, sucks!):

So adorable! Mama Clownfish, Papa Clownfish, and Baby clownfish…isn’t a perfect picture of a family?

I captured one of the three, went back to UPV marine station with the rest of the Amphiprions that I got that day then had it measured and documented. While doing the record, I thought of the nemo I separated from its family. I felt guilty and felt sad for the two I left in the field. 

A lot of people were separated from their families for unwarranted reason. Like the nemo family, they were there living in harmony when I found them. They’ve done no harm to me but I disturbed their sanctuary.

I thought of the other two: What if they’ll transfer to another anemone because I already scared them. What if one of them gets their way to look after the one I captured? Not so realistic but well… I rushed myself to finish my documentations and headed my way to the field so I can bring the Amphiprions back to where exactly I got them. Losing a close family member is a truly devastating experience for most of us. I don't want to be the kind of person behind a tragic story.

I also realized the importance of spending quality time with family--to cherished each moment with them. Life, again and again, is full of surprises. We can never tell how precious a person is to us until gone. We don't have to wait for that moment. Most of the time, losing someone special to us is something beyond our control. So we really have to exert effort to make good memories with them.

Honestly, I have a lot of catching-ups and connecting to do here...

By the way, My Study was a success.  Thanks God.

"Sis Boj"

Salamat sa isang ma-dramang dedication...natuwa ako (kahit mali spelling ng name ko, sana ako talaga yan)

E2 pa rin ang masasabi ko sis... Andito lang ako (sa Aklan hehe)  :) Sis nyo ako forever... Iloveyou too sister... I loveyou LC!!!

sister, tubig yan, wag ka mag alala

Si Nanay

I used to call her Nanay...like everyone does.

She is my Aunt actually, my mother’s eldest sister. The person behind my mother's success in life as I was always told, "hindi ako makakapagtapos ng aking pag-aaral kung wala si Manang" hmm...that part is a long story. I'm not going into details.

Earlier, I wanted to talk here not as one of her niece but as a person who sees her as a good individual. I wanted to go out of the circle for once and will speak as another person… but I realized that won’t change anything because I think that we all look up at Nanay in just the same way whether we're part of her family or not.

Me, Nanay, and Mama

She is not a potential saint which in her conviction there is none. Being a born Adventist she doesn’t worship anyone other than God in heaven—so I guessed it won’t make her feel good if I considered her a future saint because we should not worship anyone other than God (One lesson from her). That’s why I’m hot going to worship her…if it happens that by the end of this post her name will be uplifted then that is just because she deserves a good testimonial.

It is in her nature to help the needy. She has the ability give, the power to bend her back, and has the talent to sacrifice.

Ask Nanay to make you a dress—you’ll have it in no time. She made me hundred of dresses already since I was little (From casual to school uniforms, party dresses, Prom gowns, etc.) and I am thankful for that although there were times I despise her style, still I wore all of them. Ask Nanay to pray for you—she’ll be singing songs of praises too. Ask Nanay for knowledge and wisdom—she’ll guide you to come close to God to attain that.

Experience wise, I’m pretty sure she made it through a lot of hard times. That’s why she understands. That’s why she helps. That’s why she sings amidst the trouble… I bet she been through one horror after another. She has a lot of untold stories that made her that good and that strong. 

Her life today can tell...no one will argue but everyone will agree.

The balloon that symbolizes the desire of each family member--They will fly as high as they can together

Today in her 70^th birthday (having 5 children, 12 grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren on her side) Nanay is a picture of a contented happy woman.

Very Inspiring...

Seeing her smile today, I can’t help but to wonder whom to consider lucky. Is it Nanay for having a successful family or her family being raised by Nanay thus became successful? I guess both sides feel exactly just the same—proud of each other.

My mother decorated this cupcakes and cakes for Nanay...

I'm kind of a big deal, but not actually.. hehehe
I just wanted to show I'm also proud being part of the family

Room 312

Everybody is fine... will be fine in time...

I woke up as early as one in the morning that Friday, 15^th day of the month. I grabbed my cell phone on a wooden ottoman just beside my bed to make sure of the time and to check the sent items. I hardly remember what I felt the night before but I am pretty sure I message every single thing to my partner. I hate waking up in the middle of the night for I felt a little lost.  Such a strange feeling that sometimes it feels like falling oneself from a high. 

 The last text message I sent to my partner was an hour ago which means I did not have enough sleep yet. I told him how active our baby was, my lower back aches and I felt so tired despite doing nothing at all but watch any Hollywood movies that is showed on Star movies or HBO channel. 

That moment I felt pain, my lower abdomen contracted more than my baby moves. Moreover, it seems heavy like my baby wanted to push its head out my tummy. I was trying to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me and my baby—that the pain I felt was a mere part of a normal pregnancy I was trying to tolerate every pinch of the pain actually. I tried that until 5 a.m. until I have fallen asleep. 

But I knew there was something to worry about.  I was tempted to text my partner that the spot of blood I found is freaking me but all I can ever sent him is a text message that says I love him. I was scared. The last time this happened to me was during my 10^th week and an ultrasound revealed a minimal subchorionic hemorrhage. I was relieved by a medication that lasted for 10 days and a pelvic rest (no sexual activities all during the medication period).  

At 8:00 a.m. that day my Ob is nowhere to find. I went to her clinic; to my disappointment her secretary can’t even tell where she is at. Her phone is out of reach. I almost send her a message saying “hey doc, are you ok?” sarcastically. I can’t believe no one knows where my Obstetrician is.

From her office, we went to the nearest district hospital where I had my urinalysis done. When the lab technician hand me the result I knew I’ll be having a week with 2 kinds of antibiotics for a urinary tract infection and another for a vaginal infection. 

From the hospital we went back to her office hoping that she can read the result and prescribe me the necessary drugs I needed but she was still out. Her secretary then said she was out for a week already and I'm not the only patient looking for her. Great, isn’t it? The doctor that is supposed to help me with my pre-natal care is not around. And you know what is greater than that? She is the only Ob in town; the rest is all general practitioners!!!

We went home, got my personal stuffs and headed ourselves to Kalibo, several towns from ours, to find another doctor. I don’t have to wait for my Ob to read the laboratory results. I don’t even have the idea if I can find her that day. 

So my mother drove me to Kalibo instead where there are better facilities (and of course where there is available doctor to attend to me). It is a 36-kilometer away from home and 45 minutes ride. In our case, since mama is the one driving, make it 1 hour and maybe another 10 more minutes. Before we arrive, we were informed that she was at Manila and she it is impossible for her to attend to me but she has someone to cover her duty. As Instructed we went to the clinic she told us. Upon checking, OB says I had this premature opening of cervix (triggered by my infections), specifically the external OS. My condition should be prevented or else it can lead me to a premature delivery of the fetus.

An hour later, I found myself in one of the ob-ward of Dr. Rafael Tumbokon Memorial Hospital. I was confined to 312 to have a bedrest, was given intravenous, and medications to relax my uterus and treat my infections.

I am now home from a three-day hospital admission. I was diagnosed with UTI (again) to consider premature labour. It didn’t scare me not until today when everything sinks in. I never realized that I almost lost my precious little one. Since I am only on my 5^th month my baby is not likely to survive.

By the way, I went home without seeing my Ob… The doctor that happened to cover up for her just uses the trunkline to check on me. J  

Promise of a new life

 

The promise of a new life 

beams like the sun rising o'er the East--   

Bright, vibrant, illuminating, warm. 

The light you are destined to bring to this world 

has already brightened all our lives-- 

as it is sure to spread to every corner of this land. 

Yet, even as shadow recedes as noon approaches there 

is always somewhere not warmed by the light-- 

how unfortunate these spaces would be if not lighted

by you--the warmest radiance of all.

And, as it is that we cannot but glimpse the brightness 

of our solar friend without fear of blindness, 

neither can we gaze into your brilliance to see 

what so many tomorrows will bring. 

But the promise of discovery makes every moment elapsed 

an eternity of possibilities.

And though we cannot know what bright future

destiny holds for you, 

we can all imagine, dream, ponder. 

Yet, in the end you will choose on what celestial path 

you wish to wander. 

And, such as the stars arise from the collection 

of matter to one venue, 

So will your life be made from what you gather 

from those around you. 

Thus, though the path you choose will be your own, 

the journey of your life will never be yours alone.

 

*by Chadwick A.


 

Wonderful days

Yesterday was wonderful,

For I saw a tiny heart beating...

Today I feel wonderful,

for it takes just a soft kick to remind me I am not alone...

And even more wonderful,

For I heard my baby's heart beating so fast...

But I bet tomorrow will be the most wonderful of all...

for I shall see the most beautiful smile...

Hear the sweetest cry...

and  feel the warmest touch...

I love you baby

Family

My family ain’t perfect so as the tie that bonds us together. We never had chance to have fun as a whole. We all have our ways, own lives, and own point of views where mine is the greatest—but, I guess they feel the same thing with there’s.

The only typical about us is that we argue and we are all silly.  While we, siblings are all likened to cats and dog, our parents then are the lion and the tiger. We argue, argue, and argue. It feels weird not to.

We live in a house which was never a home. 

When I was younger one of my hopes in life was to own a house with doors since the old one only got three—the one in front, the other at back, then the third for the comfort room—all the rest has curtains instead. I now realized that house made of bamboos and woods having only three doors are far better than our present where we got doors all over the place. Here, we learned how to bang all them whenever we wanted, our simple way of communication. So sweet, isn’t it? 

I’m pretty sure our parents did not teach us to bang the doors. They trained us in a way wherein we walk inside our house very slowly not to make any sound. That’s how strict they’ve been to us. I don’t know what happen then. Maybe it’s our nature to act that way. 

Our main problem is communication. We never compromise. Hopeless. 

In a way, those doors are of help for it made us feel we’re not home alone by ourselves.  

"Tito Choy"

(March 18, 2010 7:37 PM)

"Don’t talk to strangers", whatever rule they’re calling it—golden or not—I don’t care.  For me, one of the most important lessons I can learn in life will come from strangers—particularly those people I can discuss topics of everything under the sun for a moment or two. It is my innate nature to talk to strangers. During my college years for instance, I used to exchange stories with a bus driver or with a bus conductor. I love my experienced. I can’t remember their names after the acquaintance, but their ideas on how to live and how they appreciated life is awe-inspiring—lesson learned from them lingers. That's why riding a bus or going to different places is never boring because I can surely meet a lot of people that could inspire me. The story of their lives is an extraordinary inspiration. They were great people from all walks of life. Talking to them is better than talking to a professional who talks about his unending wants in life.

A thirty-something man in corporate attire that seems to be in a hurry had managed to stop walking and offered help to carry my baggage. I smiled and bowed my head a little to say how thankful I am for his kindness. I have two reasons for my refusal. First and foremost, because I have to consider him being a busy man—every second counts. Secondly, I have to be vigilant no matter how I love talking to strangers. I'm at Metropolis outside Alabang Star Mall carrying a baggage that weighed 18.5 kilos! I hate to think that walking in that place alone with some personal belongings is quite risky. I was told that it is one of the places where snatching of cell phones and bags as well as stealing is rampant in the face of the traffic enforcers as well as police officers standing at every corner of the place.

Another young tourist smiled and offered help sincerely, even without stopping. Although I know he is just trying to show off, well it is better than showing no kindness at all. You know people when they're just one of the strangers. They're too good to smile at others and can offer help. And since I'm one of the strangers right there, I smiled back! This is one of the good things of being one of us—because we know nothing about the place and the danger it can bring us—innocence can make us believe that there is a wonderful place left. That we can still live the day with no doubts. Isn’t it amazing to be a stranger?

Later than that, as I tried to negotiate with the taxi drivers for a lower fare going to domestic airport I met Tito Choy. I had 2 hours left, and whether he will give in or not to my offer, I had no choice but to take his cab. At first, I thought of him taking advantage of my need but I tried not to spoil the moment. I had a lot of things to think upon. I don’t want to be distracted by shallow arguments.

He started the conversation; he talked about parenting, his dreams in life, and contentment. We both exchanged ideas and before I knew it, we arrived at the airport 45 minutes before my departure. I forgot how irritated I was to him prior to our conversation. Before I closed the door he called my name at once and said, “I bet you’ll be the best, you take good care of yourself”. Whatever impression I gave him, I hoped he had read it right.

In the waiting area after I had checked in, I bought 2 pieces of brownies and a bottle of water for myself. I realized I haven't eaten anything for the past 30 hours. I can feel and I can hear my tummy grumbles during that moment. I lost my appetite, even the brownies taste like it’s already a month-old or two but it is not. I seated in a back row waiting for boarding time although there were vacant seats near the television so I can be entertained. I stayed away. I don’t think the programs will suffice the emptiness that I’m feeling. I am as well nervous to see my parents that I’m planning not to get in the plane. I put in my sweater trying to comfort myself—my hands were cold and my body trembled. I wanted to run away, live in a certain place where I can be surrounded by strangers. I wanted to be forgotten by everyone who knew me—and if I can, to go unseen.

The moment I buckled up my seat belt my tears rolled down my cheeks like there were no other passengers and flight attendance around me. I can’t stand firm. I'm going home because I failed. My cry tells a thousand words I cannot speak of. How I long to be held close by my parents and be cuddled like a baby—I am scared though and felt unworthy of my longings. But then again, I heard the voice of Tito Choy from nowhere that there is always an unconditional love of a parent no matter how disappointed they may be. All that I’m hearing was his voice and his understanding. I wished I could talk to my parents the way I talked to him; maybe they too will understand and will advise the same thing.

 I haven’t had the chance to embrace my parents as tight as I wanted to and perhaps like I needed… but the mere fact that they were there waiting for me outside the Kalibo airport is enough.

I’m home. Not as sweet as one may expect but it is.