Love affair

To cross the line and to go beyond the boundaries, that is what friends do: Two people enjoying the comfort being between a serious relationship and being just a simple friend. Such relationship do exists but how could that possibly be safe? Physically, emotionally, Spiritually, Socially and morally it is not healthy, obviously. It is beyond norms thus it is one of the relationships that you can never be proud of. 

How about being in a friends-with-benefits-zone while the two of you are in a serious relationship with someone else? Infidelity. It is way too complicated. Complicated relationship made even more complicated. Sounds sad. Sounds irritating. Sounds real.

Since our culture dictated us what is supposed to be the right relationship, anything beyond is considered unacceptable. A violence to each and everyone around, even a violence to people who has nothing to do in your life.

Behind the line "relationship just happened" is a deeper reason why people gets involved with one another. Whatever that is, who are we to judge them? 

Is it Love? Happiness? Security? Boredom? Hate? Insecurity? what then? 

We all have our reasons.  Love sometimes is not enough. You want to feel being wanted and accepted. You're just happy with that someone.  Perhaps, that physical attraction every single time your eyes met is way too strong that you can't resist. Any reasons do. Maybe, its a way of getting even to those who have hurt you. It can be just a plain curiosity.

Falling in love with someone else is a choice, falling out of love is also a choice, to keep the relationship is a choice, and what relationship to keep is as well a choice. But an affair is an affair, the choice to make it serious is uncertain. 

Standing between the boundary of a serious relationship and friendship is fun. but you can't stand there forever. While you are still in that boundary, there are things to remember:

• Don't fall in love. This is just an affair and this won't last. 
• Accept the fact that there is no real love in affair, if there is,  then it is no longer an affair. Hopes of leaving the primary relationship will never happen. If one of you does, THINK again.
• Expect something worse. You're cheating (yes! a serious act of cheating) so the one you cheated on can leave you anytime and you have no chance to save the relationship. you can be forgiven, you can't be trusted.
• Keep it a secret. This is a relationship you can never be proud of. No one will be proud of you and no one will praise you how good a cheater you are. Chances are, you'll soon be losing friends and getting their eyebrows raise. Wear that poker-face and act there is nothing between the two of you. 
• keep it simple. Since this is a no-strings-attached kind, there's no need to demand for anything especially for time and attention. So you shouldn't be complaining and there should be no explaining.
• No messages, no emails, no comments on social media, just nothing.
• Protect your health. This is not all about having fun in bed. Think of getting STDs. 
• You can't be jealous. You can't be emotionally involved. Go back to the first bullet

If you can't live with  guilt. Don't get involve! End it then, the soonest you can

Heading Towards the Finish Line

I'm on my last trimester with less than 10 weeks until the estimated date of delivery—sixty seven more days to go. I am looking forward to embrace the beauty (as well as the other side of it of course) of parenthood.

Sleepless and Midnight trips to the bathroom to empty my bladder became my way of life this trimester. Getting a good night sleep became difficult again. My bumpy belly (bigger than before) brings no comfort.  That’s why I’m here blogging this early (it's four in the morning).

I’m very excited at the same time a bit impatient about meeting my child. The wait is longer than it seems. I can’t imagine myself waiting for another 10 more weeks.  Taking too long...

Along this waiting are my questions and fears. I can't pretend everything is fine. I have worries, too.

My “seem to be endless list of concerns” include…  

1. The fear of the unknown. While people around me are so eager to know of my baby’s gender. I am, on the other hand, is quite worried if my child is normal. Being once in a class of embryology, paediatrics, Obstetrics, gynaecology, genetics I am aware of certain possibilities. I wonder from day to day if my baby will be and is perfectly fine. 

2. The possibility of having serious complications during delivery aside from developmental failure. I’m praying for a trouble-free birth.

3. If I can cope up the pain of labor. What if I’ll collapse?!?  I’m just holding on to the fact that millions of women survived labor and delivery pain.Pain is temporary... It is! it really is! 

4. Financial aspect is getting on my way. I think of diapers, formula, clothing, bedding, cribs, toys, and much more. I should be preparing them, but I haven’t started yet. I wanted everything done before the baby arrives but we need to save for hospital bills and emergency medical cases instead.

5. Relationship with my partner, family and friends. My baby will surely bring changes. A lot of changes. I hope I can handle the pressures other than the things I listed on my post Bits and Pieces of me --things I already accepted that those will no longer be part of my life anymore. 

6. The Grandparents are going to "take-over" my child. My baby's grandparents from both sides are just as excited. What if they will re-live their early parenthood days and not allow me to feel the beauty of being a first-time mom? But I can’t deny the fact that needed help and they know best. I can really sense clash of ideas between us soon.

7. Worry that I won't be good mother. I guess I’ll just wait for my baby so my parenting instincts will kick in. 

8. Worry if we could provide. We are definitely challenged to offer the best of this world. The protection, the comfort, a good future, the necessary guidance, and less the fear of being alone.

9.  Going back to Med School. Being a “supposedly Soon-to be MD” (currently a Mom-to be), out of school and a super bum for that matter, I doubt if going back to school will still be an option after I gave birth. Although I have plans, going back won’t be easy anymore. I wonder who will look after my child and if I am strong enough to sacrifice.

10. The least I could ever think of is my physique. I’ve been feeling looking exhausted becoming the most ugly woman in our town. I never seen the motherly glow they’ve been talking about.  I got this nose like of Rudolph the red-nose reindeer; I got swollen ankles, my neck turned dark, etc.. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind of a supermodel neither the beach bum who wears two-piece prior my pregnancy. I’m not, but confidence lessened a bit. I’m starting to hate skinny pretty ladies my age.

  

Albeit all these fears is the simple truth that I am overjoyed. I know I can do better than all these. Looking forward to see my first born sometime in August.  

Too Much

The colors we choose make statements about our personality. Colors represent what we feel. We wear bright colors when we are happy, we wear dark when we express grief, traditional wedding gowns are white because it signifies purity. It is as if by wearing colors we blend in and by blending in we feel we found a place for ourselves.

Color	Meaning
RED	warmth,love,anger,danger,boldness,excitement,speed,strength,energy,determination, desire,courage
ORANGE	cheerfulness,affordability,enthusiasm,stimulation creativity,aggression
YELLOW	attention-grabbing,comfort,liveliness,cowardliness,hunger,optimism,overwhelm, intellect
GREEN	durability,reliability,environmental,luxurious,optimism,well-being,nature,calm, relaxation,safety,honesty,optimism,harmony,freshness
BLUE	peace,professionalism,loyalty,reliability,honor,melancholia,boredom,coldness,depth, stability,professionalism, honor,trust
PURPLE	power,royalty,nobility,elegance,sophistication,artificial,luxury, mystery royalty, elegance,magic
GRAY	conservatism, traditionalism, intelligence, serious, dull, uninteresting
BROWN	relaxing,confident,casual,reassuring,nature,earthy,solid,reliable,genuine,endurance
BLACK	authoritative,powerful,Elegance,sophistication,formality,strength,depression,
WHITE	Cleanliness, purity, newness, virginity, peace, innocence, simplicity, sterility

http://changingminds.org

Colors are also said to influence our emotions, affect our mood, our actions and how we respond to various people. I should have leave my room made of palochina woods to influence my everyday life with its natural scent and fresh color. Stay simple. But it seems that apart from the individual colors we appreciate comes a notion that a monochromatic world makes no difference  to a boring world. 

Lifeless. 

 

I wanted a life and I wanted something that I could present to the world. I agreed to paint the room with different colors. Everything I actually did was an attempt to be happy...to be happier.

Remembering the day I (we) painted my (our) room with colours.

We colored the ceiling with green which signifies peace, the ideal real-world, it is said to offer some sense of renewal and self-control. We lined the room with purple which is calming to minds. We painted the wall with brown which says stability, reliability, and approachability. Part of the wall was painted with pink which is young in the hope it can bring us fun and excitement. 

We painted the room with colors that represent all the things we desire.

We painted the whole room like the way we wanted to add color to our relationship. Just like that, we failed to appreciate what we got because we occupied ourselves in wanting MORE. We kept ourselves busy by searching for greater things until we lost the great ones that we already had. 

It's not lifeless at all. It's the mere fact that we are not satisfied with what we got. As today’s trend in life is discontentment, we are inclined to want MORE…MORE…and MORE.

That Palochina woods were supposed to remind us the beauty of simplicity... until such time... we realized we can make it better (not a bad intention actually).  We went through a lot of cravings--searching--demanding--before we knew it, everything was gone.

I thought painting the room with different colors could change the people inside--us to become better. I thought painting the wall could add colors to our life as well. I was wrong.

 “We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

The trick is to simplify our life—to appreciate what we got. Let the colors bloom itself, don't dictate the destiny on what kind of color to apply in your life. Don't make life complicated by overlooking simple things.

My almost lover

There seem to be no acceptable defense why an unfaithful individual exists. Exploring new emotional break outside a relationship is very common in this day and age. Losing your partner to your best friend is possible almost everyday. Why? Like most of you, I should have known already but I haven’t. It happens. To reason out is pointless because reasons are beyond our understanding and since it is beyond then it is something we can barely agree to.

“We are both happy living our own lives. Before you came, I just started to embrace the kindness of the world that once I’m deprived with. I started to see the beauty of life. I just gave myself a chance to feel happy by letting him in into my life.”

To love and be love back is the greatest desire of all.

 “The day I saw you is the day I lost sight of him. It’s the day I realized that we're not meant for each other because that day entails a lot of weakness: The love was not enough to stand  me against the pull of new attraction. That kind of attraction happens only where there is no love—maybe there was really none.”

There are a lot of uncertainties in life. No one knows what a sunrise could bring along its beauteous rays. Things can change in a snap without you noticing how and understanding why.

 “Just remember the day we hang out. I’m beside him, you’re beside her. He was holding my hand while you hold her’s. All those time our eyes talked their own language. No words were spoken, no actions were done... just our eyes”

There are things beyond our control. There are passionate longings you can never explain—like missing the person you never been with.... or loving a person you never met.

  “Then we found ourselves together. Feeling your arms around me we’re real—almost perhaps. I became weaker than I was. In one point it is somewhat a self degrading to fell in love that way... perhaps it’s the guilt that overshadow the happiness... or maybe feeling sad why should it be that way. Feels like having the right love on the wrong time... seems like been loving the wrong person and finally found the right one.”

There are times we are aware of an impending tragedy but we choose to let it happen. Forbidden love. Being with and loving someone else. But love happens—it actually happens beyond control.

 “I know what it takes to have you—trouble. A lot of troubles. So I choose not to have you, at the same time, not to be with him anymore. Now that we’re separated by distance, chance, and time...the magic still remain. And someday when these three allowed our paths to cross again I want to give and feel the love we both deserve. Maybe someday it will, who knows?"

Love happens—it actually happens beyond control.

Is it really being unfaithful or just being true to what you feel?

*This post is part of the past and is not the current love story of the author*

Sometimes things just don’t mix up

Today’s hottest issue on news TV is about DIVORCE. The question lies whether “to legalized divorce in the country or keep the matrimony sacred”— a clear clash of ideal and real.

 It is by standard to keep marriage sacred no matter how difficult a problem is to handle. The couple should manage because it is part of their promises. However, reality said that the relationships of today are way different than the kind of relationships established by our “ancestors” or maybe by some of our parents who endure the dilemma of marriage.  I am sure that there are factors that surround them that favour a long and a lasting marriage. Long before women were contented staying at home, men was excited when they day ends because someone’s waiting and…they both socialize together—there was a little chance of building a tension to ruin a relationship.

Should we really have to insist to live the same kind of life in a different kind of environment?

Nowadays, temptation is just around. There are a lot of factors beyond everybody’s control as much as they wanted to make marriage a happy ending—that includes individual priorities, level of contentment, the likelihood of falling out of love and falling in love to someone else because random crap happens. Social lives of each say the modern world contributes.

And we have to consider the fact that a cycle of violence inside a relationship is inevitable once started, once tension is build by the modern world:

“Happy relationship—tension builds—abuses takes place—apologies and excuses—Happy relationship”.

And sadly, it doesn’t stop with a “happy relationship” it rather goes all over and over. I think no one likes to stay and exhaust oneself with this kind. The mere fact that it is a cycle then the relationship won’t go any further. It’s not that they don’t try or they’re not responsible with their obligations, sometimes things just don’t mix up.

The willingness then to stay was replaced by practicality. By practical I mean, why should you doomed and hurt yourself if you can be free from pain and find happiness with someone else? To live with someone is quite a challenge. Imagine how hard it is for two different people trying to fill the empty spaces to complete the existence of one another. A sort of a lock and key is essential to gain a stable bond. If it’s not meant for each other, it will never work unless one of them is willing to modify and choose to become flexible so the other will fit in, which is not always the case.

So who are we to let an individual suffer by not allowing them to be free because of “standard”?

No one refuses to go along with a happy ending, every one is dreaming of a happy end so I think when someone want a divorce it is not their intension to be just separated. They want freedom because it is everybody’s instinct to survive. It’s because every one is learning the art of changing their lives especially if it is not worthy to live.

With this, I can never tell that having a divorce is a wrong act.

Good bye

My dear,

I'm supposed to write a letter that could inspire your day. I remember the day I promised myself to never let you feel sad…to never start your day bad just because I am feeling bad… because we are here to inspire each other’s lives...

But today my dear, I woke up feeling empty—

I am neither happy nor sad.

*sigh*

A sigh because the feeling is actually a well-defined one...

The truth is I’m wearing my other face to mask the reality.

I should be keeping this myself but allow me to be honest for once.

Allow me to say that I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling. I was trying to ignore the fact that I was brought by the emptiness to a place where I forbid myself to go. I found myself adrift the space of promises that made me feel unsatisfied to where I am to an extent of feeling discontented with what we are having.  I wanted to ignore the reality and trick myself to change what I feel (that’s why I said I’m neither happy nor sad) but the pain stabs so bad enough. Forgive me for this is not the life I wanted.

I said it was the happiest…

I promised to cherish the memory we created and we’ll create more of a lasting memory that could inspire both of us…

I was wrong…

It wasn’t easy and I’m not seeing any worth to keep this relationship any further…

I’m a weak. I was scared, I trembled until I lose grip…

I can no longer hold on because I can’t find the reason why I should…

Still, I hope to be reminded with because I love you…

But my dear, if saying good byes were destined…Let it be.

We don’t have to wait for us to be broken…

We don’t need to  feel the pain so to push each other…

All we need is just the word “Good bye”…as good as it is…

Let us allow happy thoughts to linger as we make our own ways…

Let's part our ways bringing happy memories with us because I wished to be in a place someday remembering all those times…

P.S.

Our bows had been in silent...

I hope that would make things easier.

I'll always love you

~99 days left

Today is good, much better than the previous. 

I’m not happy but at least I have no reason to feel sad. Well, there is actually… I rather choose not to be. 

My distress lies on whether if I can deliver my child normally. In which I am quite confident that I can although chances are… I have no idea what exactly will happen to me in the next three months.*crossed-fingers* (Prayers for good things along our journey)

I'm spending my days doing nothing here inside my four-sided room (aside from chatting with online buddies in the hope to free myself from boredom) while my partner on the other side of the world does everything that he can to earn a little for our expenses. Pleaded guilty for this but there is nothing I can do anyway, I can’t insist myself to make money as much as I wanted to help. 

We worry if we can afford to pay hospital bills and if we can provide our baby’s needs. I guess this is what it takes when you’re not prepared. Surprise! But instead of feeling sad I’m trying to convince myself everything will just be fine and will set the way we wanted. I know we can. We’re not geared up but that doesn’t mean we should feel bad  and regret. 

It is worth worrying... worth waiting... worth everything...

Everything is good.

 

Love... Love... Love...

A lot of us think that expressing one’s care by words is juvenile. I am one of them. 

What I'm just trying to point out is that there are a lot of important things to talk about than exchanging sweet nothings which has nothing to do with your day but to make you feel good for a minute or two. It may bring you to euphoric state but won’t take you any farther. It may inspire you a little bit but not completely. It will get you boosted to do daily tasks, motivate you to feel good about yourself but that’s just it. As the old saying goes "action speaks louder than words". And action we mean that  in a responsible way.

There are a lot of ways to spice up a relationship...

Source: topit.me via Cristy on Pinterest

(I will not talk against sweet nothings because I believe in them. I love hearing them.  Again, I just don't put so much importance with it like every minute should be spend with such sweetness, that could bore a relationship)

I find it pretty awkward to tell the world out loud that I am in love and I am missing someone. I am not the kind of a person who talks about her partner all day with her friends. 

Being a melodramatic is already my nature but to express this kind of good emotion is way different when expressing love out of a broken relationship. The reason why I seldom write about how good being in love is. Most of my posts then talks about the other side of love like  break-ups and pains.

I hate when I am asked to talk about my love or when somebody accuses me of denying details of my own love life. Denying is a very different story. Yes, I may at times talk that I am comfortable being single despite the fact that I am in a relationship. I find it decent to claim my relationship status being single. Anyway, in legal papers you can be either be single or married or widowed. There is no such thing as "in-a-relationship", "It's complicated", "in-a-love-triangle" and so on.

I realized that stating a relationship status is not so important (but still it is). When you’re good you don’t actually have to label your better half as your boyfriend or as your girlfriend because as long as you do relate with issues then be it. You can be together and their will be this silent vows that will assure you of loyalty. Words, may it be uttered or written in a piece of paper is not enough. Everybody can sign a paper, everybody can talk, but not everybody can be real with what they feel. 

Sometimes some of us chooses to go public not because we are proud of ourselves for having a good partners but to rather assure ourselves that everyone around us is informed that we are already taken and they should not be disturbing us anymore. A sort of insecurity.

Source: xiaoxizhang.com via Cristy on Pinterest

I’ve been there. Some tend to become showy, those we labelled as Public Display of Affection type of lovers. When I was younger I used to be one of the PDA type not because I wanted my partner to feel me but because I wanted to tell the world that my partner is my own— that no one should come near him. I have fallen so mad that I made him my world, and the moment his gone I found myself floating in space because I lost my world. That was funny. It’s not that I don’t want to repeat the same experience of behaving like a 24/7 guard-on-duty kind of a girlfriend. 

I think it would be unfair not to express anymore just because of the past. The issue lies not as to whether you are proud enough to show affection in public but on how you show it to the right person.

It’s not that I don't want to show love. It's the mere fact that  it’s not the people around me I love and I’m missing so why should I tell them? It's not them and it's not my obligation to get them updated. I learned a better way. Talk to the person directly because it is not everybody’s business to hear and see how you love each other. 

What really matters most is to show the person you love how much you love them.

Listen...

The line “I have to tell you something” is quite alarming, isn’t it? You don’t have to be brainy nor a nerdy to know that there is a magical event happening downtown, maybe an imagination  created from someone else’s mind that came into words transmitted from one person to another—gossip!!! What is worst about it? It happens during the transfer when add-ons and segregation of details are most likely. How deadly!. 

Did someone already beat an imaginary contender?  Entertaining gossip makes you a loser, that’s what I have learned from my walk.

“Blah…blah… blah…” I heard a lot of rumors lately and all I did was to shrugged shoulders. Honestly it is annoying.  But If I do allowed myself to listen maybe I fainted already due to suffocation, it is too much.  I rather live with annoyance instead of rendering my last breathe pitiful.

There are blossom of rumors here, there, and all over the place. Such unfounded information can bring one’s life into ruins (if entertained). Our relationship had been the target and we’re nearly hit by.

How did I know anyway that the gossip I heard from a “good friend” is far beyond the truth? I simply know whom to believe and whose words to trust. When I was told of the “on-going affair” my partner is having with his ex-girlfriend I thought of confronting him but with due respect I stayed calm. I’m on the process of making my own point logical. My initial reaction can be very bad—realizations are always found at the end of line. I’ll be there the soonest I can. I'm on the other end.

Okay.. that kind of fight won't happen...

Moving on…

How related could the gossip be with the truth? A gossip is simply an altered truth—every now and then it is altered to sustain an existing intention. 

Gossip can serve a warning of an upcoming “break-up”…but if we were to part our ways (not that I wish for) I’ll make sure it’s not just because of gossip but because of the truth.

In any way he must be living hell with me if that was not a gossip. One of the secret you can never keep is to tell the world you fall out of love. Keeping so can make you a prisoner of your own. I believe he is not that dumb to stay if he doesn't want to.

If no one can dictate me whom to spend life with, so do him. 

Why should one doomed himself by staying in the present while living in the past? In reality this only last for a couple of months (maybe during the denial stage). Each is born with an instinct for survival—some may be slower than the other but everyone find way to move on and live.

So when my partner showed me he moved on I no longer had that reason to believe what other people wanted me to consider.

Thank you for you concern anyway :) 

Happy Monthsary baby!

 “Monthsary” is an occasion commonly celebrated by young and deeply in love couples. 

Today is nothing special, it is not our monthsary... not even tomorrow, and not yesterday.  Monsthsary is out of our way. It’s not because we are no longer young, not that we are not in love with each other, and its not that I am against on celebrating such romantic occasion. 

I simply don’t have the idea “when” to celebrate ours. May be on the 1st? 18th? 19th? 20th? 30th? I really don’t know!

So every month is just an ordinary month. We had no monthsary to remind us how we started. 

Well, I have to admit that our relationship is not as typical as one could expect. I was comfortable being alone when he suddenly came. I am comfortable in the sense that I am enjoying the freedom of being a single woman without having to consider anyone in my everyday way of life—freed from demands of relationship. What else could I ask for? I can do whatever I wanted to do, go wherever I wanted to go, and talk on whatever is felt. 

We somewhat established a no-commitment kind of  a relationship. That was from my point of view, I don’t know from his.For me(at first), he was just  “a romantic companion” nothing is special about that.  By that term you will figure out that we never had the chance to assure ourselves  that we are committed to one another. It is actually my personal choice not to assert that it is not serious. There is a silent rule that governs us: “no-strings attach”  and we are tracking a two way street—that is, we can still make special friends as much as we wanted.Ofcourse it doesnt mean I’m dating someone aside from him. He got my loyalty which I never asked that he could pay me back with the same. He was still free to date someone else. Still fair enough for me.

I am not afraid of commitment, but that was the last thing I needed especially I realized how good it was to be free. Aside from the fact that we are on a freaking ground. People around are all freak about us, and I bet they freaked out when we told them we are having a baby so soon.

Things has changed between us. From being not  we became committed to one another not just because of the baby but also because of the connection we manage to established. However the people around remains the same,I may not hear directly from them but their actions would tell of how disappointed they are for the  two of us. For them I’m just that kind of a woman who has a baby in her tummy that sustains this relationship. That  fact is quite depressing. 

The only special thing we got is the mere fact that we both believe we have each other everyday.

Having no monthsary to celebrate with is not bad after all... Everyday seems to be special.

But then, Happy Monthsary to those who are celebrating today!

Love is something we can never beg for...

Sometimes, it’s easier to say that you’re fine instead of having to explain all the reasons why you’re not

For ten minutes, I rest in silence hoping to cross a solitary ground where I can muse. Nothing happened.

I wanted to break-free more than embracing this concealed loneliness within. There are actually uncertainties masked by contentment brought by the bundle of joy inside my womb. It is the joy that over powers doubt. It is the main reason why I tried not to entertain this doubts.I resolved to neglect all the doubts.

My mind on the other hand is seeking for clarity. It desires for a simple yet defined words that could explain the complications.  Could it be promises? Like an assurance that could otherwise save a desperate emotions.

Could constructing sentences out of a few promising words be enough to build the needed security?  

I doubt.

I was actually considering the possibility of betrayal—to be specific, a past relationship is most likely to regain the warmth of the said lost affection. I am honestly bothered by her who speak out for willingness to return. It took so much courage to do such actions unless very determined.

And I haven’t talk about this yet—of how she is making our relationship unsecured. I couldn't hate her either. In a way, I do appreciate how she is fighting and how she stands firmly for the sake of love.She is very well respected.

So I have chosen to keep things myself not to make matters worse for it can be my reaction (my doubt) to what is happening that can ruin my own life. I felt stupid (part of me disagreed, but my belief holds true) I once told my partner he can always decide, and every decision will be respected without having to explain why and how for I believe you can never dictate someone whom they should love.  Love is free of charge; it is not something we plead, not something to beg for.

This is just a simple choice—unspoken fears—a noble way to love.

There were days I haven’t heard of sweet nothings and half of those days I think of uncertainties.

However it doesn’t mean I don’t believe him. I was thinking that I don’t have to hate him just because of someone wants him back so bad. Yes, I am worried but that won’t make me love him less. I love him more each day despite distance between us.

Each talk we have is a surprise for I don’t expect he’ll make me feel special… lucky... and every word he utters is real. I am thankful. I can’t help but to believe because I can sense how genuine it is. Those doubts seem to be rubbish then.I was even assured but then I know things can happen beyond our control--So I stayed to be real--be open to all the possibilities life could offer.

And that’s reality.

I sometimes hate him.

I sometimes despise him.

I sometimes get jealous.

I am sometimes worried.

She sometimes made me feel insecure.

They both are freaking me out.

But...


I always love him...
and I love him more...
enough for me to believe and trust... 

Source: tumblr.com via Cristy on Pinterest

"Singsing"

 

Minsan sa isang mall sa Quezon City: 

Friend: ang ganda ng singsing, kelan pa kaya ako mabibigyan ng ganyan?

Ako: Ano ka ba, ba't ka nangangarap magkasingsing? Iba na ang panahon ngayon.

Friend: Bitter ka pa rin hanggang ngayon?!?

Ako: Hindi sa ganon, pero nakita mo yang nakadisplay na yan? 3 pirasong singsing... kung saka sakaling mapapasayo yan e di isa sayo... isa sa mapapangasawa mo...at isa para sa isa pa nyang mahal! Nakakaloka ka! Mabuti pa ang shop na to, alam ang mga nangyayari sa mundo.

Saleslady: ay hindi po, design lang po talaga namin yan...(sabay kuha sa isang singsing)

Joke ko lang dapat yon, si ate naman defensive lang talaga :)

Pambihira. 

Madami akong gustong sabihin, madami akong pinapaniwalaan at kanina lang sabi ko sa sarili ko hindi ako iimik. Deadma lang kasi korny...kasi mababaw ang naiisip ko sa araw na 'to...

Pero kita mo naman, "tao lang din ako" at may blog site ako noh :)

Sabi ng lola ko (kasi sa totoong buhay ay di ko matandaan kung sino talaga ang nagsabi sakin) or sabi nga ng bida sa isang pelikula (over!), kung mahal mo ang isang tao gagawin mo ang lahat para sa kanya, ipaglalaban mo sya hanggang sa huli, at higit sa lahat hihintayin mo kahit gaano pa sya katagal bumalik. Sipag at tiyaga lang naman ang kailangan mo para magtagumpay ka sa lahat ng mga pinapangarap mo buhay. At syempre pa tayong mga pilipino ay naniniwala sa kasabihang "habang may buhay, may pag-asa".

Kaya ako, hindi ako magtataka kung balang araw mababalitaan ko na lang na nagkabalikan na ang taong mahal mo at ang dati nyang karelasyon lalong lalo na kung determinado ang isa sa kanila.

Hindi mo alam kung anong mangyayari bukas. Hindi mo alam na sa mga oras na to nagbunga na pala ang sipag at tyaga nya. Hindi mo alam na habang nagsusulat ako d2 dumating na pala ang hinihintay nya. Malay mo naman kasi sa pwedeng mangyari sa buhay mo. 

Hay naku. Kanya-kanyang gawa ng eksena. Kaya ikaw, Huwag kang magagalit kapag mangyayari sayo ang mga sinasabi ko ngayon kasi may moment ka din--pwdeng ikaw 'yong taong hinihintay, pwede din namang ikaw 'yong aasa. Depende lang.

 

Iilan lang ba ang nabubuhay ng tapat dito sa mundo para sabihin sa'yo ng harap harapan na nagbago na ang ihip ng hangin at hindi na ikaw ang taong mahal nila?... na hindi lang pala ikaw ang nag iisang minamahal nya. 

Kadalasan kelangan mo pang mag research or maging tsismosa para hindi ka mahuhuli sa balita. Todo effort lang lagi.

Ilang tapat na tao na ba ang nakilala ko?

sabi ng isa "mag enjoy lang tayo ngayon kasi malay mo bukas hindi na natin kasama ang isa't-isa, hindi naman natin masisisi ang tadhana kung may makikilala pa tayong higit sa atin" 

sabi naman ng isa "Hindi ko maipapangako sa'yo na hindi ako magmamahal ng iba ha...Tao lang ako"

At may nagsabi pang "Mahal ko naman kayong dalawa e..."

Nakakaloka.

Hindi mo alam kung matutuwa ka ba dahil tapat sila o maiinis ka lang dahil proud pa sila sa kung ano ang pinapaniwalaan nila sa buhay pag ibig. Ipagmamalaki mo ba sa mundo na ang taong mahal mo ay sadyang mapagmahal dahil lahat na yata ng mababait at dyosa na nakilala nya ay mahal nya?

Sino ba ang pwedeng magsabi kung sino ang dapat mong mahalin... ang dapat nyang mahalin? at... at...at kung ilan ang pwede nyong mahalin?

Kasalanan mo ba kung mahuhulog ang loob mo sa taong may mahal ng iba at may nagmamahal na? Kasalanan bang magmahal ka ng iba habang may minamahal ka? 

Masisisi mo ba ang mga taong nagmamahalan? (Charing!)

Sino ka ba para mag sabing "isang malaking pagkakamali ang pagmamahalan nyo?"