*A re-post, I am not the author of this wonderful love story*
What can I say about a girl I loved since I
was ten..... that I love the way she laughs at me when I commit
mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she
cries over some sad silly late night show? Somehow, I wished I could
have told her that I love her but now there's no hope in doing so. For
now, it's rather too late- too late for me to do so.
She was
my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all
my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only
because she's pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything
and the way she sees life and love.
I could still remember
the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy
afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He
and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state
because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I
saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and
noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the
house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came
the loveliest girl I've seen. She was four years old that time but then
even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which
reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which
could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when
suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house
window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved
back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree
house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to
come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb up and when she
reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's
Sam, what's yours?" I answered, “My name is Christopher but then you can
call me Chris." She smiled and said, “Well I like your name. Hey your
tree house's neat!" then I replied, “Thanks! Troy and I made this. This
used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking
together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know." She
smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with troy and I
could be your new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend
before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play
ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does
that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough."
Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!" So that's how it
started.
So we became best friends and it was kind of
strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was
little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the
lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to
please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to
catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her
scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of
our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to
Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to
loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree
when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears
when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with
the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up
having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she
placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well
kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little
heart desires.
The lake was our favorite hang out. We had
our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under
the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us
could sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a
Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs
at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me
like her even more.
As years went by, I noticed that my
feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was
just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at
night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her
all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made
me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel
so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation
in my spine. Once, when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim
routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling
of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping
it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my
best friend.
Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I
was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I
feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking
advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I
just kept my feeling hidden.
We reached the age of fifteen
and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches
wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I
watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates.
There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger
and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things
I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many
presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see
me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel
about her as much as losing her.
Then one day, I just
learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I
tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was
Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being
the cheerleader was close to the basketball team which Mark was the
captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that
afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I
saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared
that she might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of
seeing her with another guy.
Those days that followed where
the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by
me with him at her side. every time we meet in hallways and I see him
around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her
away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned
by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was
now casted on him as she passes by me she doesn’t know that I whisper
the words "God how I love you."
Then one faithful day they
broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a
big fight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were
scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would
have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was
feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that
time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.
So we
found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim
routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing
childish pranks for we still are both young at heart.
So
many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I
couldn't bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I
once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I
love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be
expressed from my aching heart.
It was a week from our JS
Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after
our afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would
like to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a
dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I
thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their
partner?" So she turned away and quietly said, "Well I just thought I
would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued
in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them
to be my partner Chris?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close
for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we're silent for a while until I
finally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam." The she
smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I
felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she
stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water
treats to sundae fudge!" I ran slowed up so that I would lose which
meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.
Our
Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire
bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I
went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was
talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up
and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair
flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I
could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the
corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the
whole world." She then asked, “Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled
and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her.
When
we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone
were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns.
Then I held out her hand bowed and said," Would you give me the honor of
your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the
dance floor.
It was like a dream coming true, a moment of
enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She
was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding
motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The
curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face.
There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to
tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell
her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but
what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my
courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music
stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still
haven't done it.
We walked towards the table and found
ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she
nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and
when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie,
where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went and
search for her.
As I was searching for her, I reached the
garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon's
silvery light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe
the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that
night. I just turned and left the gymnasium. Since that night, I
avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the
chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and
not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for
me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my
heart break. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes
into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to
another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought
that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but
still I kept my pride.
The day of our graduation came. I was
planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out
the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a
rose. As she stared at me. There was something in her eyes I couldn't
describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the
same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I
love her but then she turned and walked away from me.
So I
moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the
university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at
night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not
to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each
achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be
successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by
that time, I'm worthy of having her.
It was a year after our
graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a
year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt
like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench
the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly,
desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I
would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long
time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her
and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her.
I
reached their house; I saw her older sister and I approached her. I
smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for
she used to be a cheerful lasy just like my dear Sam. I then asked," Hi
Jen! I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit
you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know.
Ummm.........bby the way have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in
her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me."
I was
confused with the way she's acting but still I followed her. As we were
walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered
my questioned briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the
direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same
oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss
Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's been one of the
happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I
thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then
whispered, "There's Sam."
I looked at where she was pointing
and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I
could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself
that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.
I
stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations
and slowly started saying," It has been a week since she died. She died
of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking
about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked
us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of
LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and
that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give
you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.
I
slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from
the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter.
It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started
reading........
******************************
I
know by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell
you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like
you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside,
something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a
friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life
with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just
bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was when you
were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and
wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you
are away, I can't stop crying because I'm afraid to think that you are
with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I
just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel.
Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to
be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So
many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a
hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I
even tried to full myself that you're in love with me too. So many
nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might
think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the
truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love.
I
know you might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you
jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not
as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you
were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel
something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just
did that to know how you would react and with that I'll know that you
love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. When our prom
night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the
corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world.
While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you
love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him
a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't
want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the
garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love. What
happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you
were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The
next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do
so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've
experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our
Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I
love you but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to
hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want
you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just
turned away and left.
Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be
too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my
heart has always been and will be yours alone.
P.S.
Think of me sometimes.... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
************************************
I
felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to
let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for
me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the
soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly
and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."
