Showing posts with label Lazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lazy. Show all posts

September 2, 2010

Confession of a crazy-lazy-future-"..."

Crazy-lazy-future MD is happening no more. By fault or by fate, chances of  not becoming a future M.D. is way too high. Beyond the doubts that I’m having is an understanding of how I’ve been. My acceptance (perhaps) of what I am worthy of .  "Doc Tim" is not meant to be,...at all. True to the fact that I had took things for granted, I acted like I had nothing to worry about despite the fact that there was, and for being the kind of student who never waited for weekends to party, go to classroom to sleep, go shopping after class, and stayed up late on-line--all of these are proofs that I never valued what I have started. I did lost my determination to become one of the greatest physician of our town. I failed because I prioritized what should not.

Sounds like a denial to defend myself or a justification perhaps, whatever this may be… it makes me plead guilty for something...argh! I do not understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm feeling bad that I struggled  to earn a BS Biology degree, went to a Medical school... and now working as an admin assistant. Isn't that too great? Don't get me wrong, It's not my work per se that makes me feel this bad.

No one told me that I can be one of the underemployed not because of my capacity but because there is such an "employer's fear" of hiring someone who haven't completed her post graduate school requirements  YET--that such level will be as good as a "High School Undergraduate". I am often distracted by my educational background, especially how other people treats me as a college undergraduate.  It bothers me too good and is degrading me. Although I have no intention to defend my profile--because I always believed that no one deserves to access the details behind this journey. I am not delivering a speech to explain what was done. There will never be a public explanation on why's and how's. A nod is enough, I'll let people believe what they want to believe but still I am going to fight for what I think is right.

March 12, 2008

Dalom ba

Wednesday, March 12, 2008, 4:19pm. Gina pa ko di ya gapanumdom if ano man gid butang ko sa blog nga ni...na, ang date kag time nga na, wala lang a, para lang ko may masulat... basta bal-an ko may gusto ko ihambal, wala lang ko kabalo kung ano... budlay man ni man, gapanumdomdom pa ko daan if magamit ko akeanon or Hiligaynon di.

Hmmp, bag-o na naman trip ko subong, pero mayo pa man bala ulo ko kag...wala man ko problema subong... kung may ara man, amu na na ang mga wala pulos lng nga butang da, problema sang iban nga tawo... dalom a, daw intindihanay kuno abi kami...problema ni Marimar kag ni Joaquin Bordado  or kis-a gaugtas kay Kamandag...kis-a kung indi pa ko gani makuntento, mahimo ko daun bag-o nga problema para may ara lng mahambal kag para may ara mabasul kung may lain nga matabu... kagamu sa akon ha... san-o pa ko matarung man...

daw wala na ko pag asa haw.. ay...
 basta kung di lang ni tungod sa ginlantaw ko kag ginpulawan  nga Bb. Pilipinas 2008 coronation night sa GMA, wala ko ni napinsaran. Pagkatapos pa lang sang show gakatintar na ko actually magblog, galing ahay a, nakonsyus na ko sa inugsulat ko (hahha ginago e no) ahay na lng a... daw wala man ko right nga manuya, basta nasadyahan lang ko to ya... sala ko na bala nga  nagkadlaw ko... whehehehe pati, sugiri lng ko kung wala ka nagkadlaw kay pahimuan ta ka munyumento.
Maan tana kadya... dalom gid ya, daw ndi man ni gani shifting week...piho e no? daw wala lang ko exams.(Bugalon a.. ginago!) Daw wala lng ko nakonsenxa gapulaw ko ugtas sa TV, kag ginatulogan ko ang exam e no, ka-bad a.
Damo lang ko ginapinsar basta amu na ni..ginaatake na naman ko guro sang katamarindes. Dala na da ang makaon ko danay antis magsugod, or macheck ko emails, tapos mapicture picture sang kaugalingon, daw into gani, bala-an ko man into-anay na ni, pero cge man ko dyapon... daw galain pinsar ko haw... ginago giud ya. Kung mabal-an lang ni ni Paks, baw nd naya ko guro pagsuportahan di... basi malupad na ko sa Aklan sang alang-alang...
puro lng ko “karon lang” sang karon lang a... kung ara na gani ang ti-un “OMG” lang mahambal ko, gakakibot pa ko nga wala ko katapos tu-on, ginago gid ya. Cge lng a, buwas kay exam namon sa Histology, karon matu-on na guid ko ya... hahah ara naman ako. Hambal ko man gani.
Basta mu na to a, kadalom man ni s’kon man, basta lng ko di mablog wala man ni pulos... ti indi ko man na carry daan magblog about sa Pulitika para mapuslan man ko sang Pilipinas... or masulat ko bi tungod sa bago ko nadiskubre sa classroom para daw henyo man ko kuno, daw damo man nabal-an maski sa tood lang wala ko man naintindihan ang gusto hambalon sang libro to? Sakto man na bala?
Basta intindihanay na ta a, mu na gid ni ya... kag subong, kadugay  n naman si bro, gakatak-an na naman ako, wala gid ko ya pasenxa ya... wala na ayhan sila kabalo nga kung law-ay ang koneksyon gakadiskonekted man ko daun? Nu na ya man

 Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com

February 1, 2008

Biochemistry Day

my props:)
        Today is supposed to be our biochemistry day—to “cram” for the mind-numbing cycle of metabolism… those molecular pathways are driving me crazy! My imagination doesn’t work properly… I can’t picture out those molecules reacting to one another creating products of carbon skeleton and their R-groups entering one pathway or cycles in our cells. And what is the difference of organic phosphate and pyrophosphate once again? All I know is that one is Pi and the other is PPi— they are both phosphate.  So who the hell discovered how molecules are cleaved or transaminated to form new products? What a brain! I wished I also have the same number of functional neurons they have!

So biochem expert, I can hear you saying “dork!” I simply don’t understand and that’s it! I don’t need your violent reactions anyway; I am just being honest that those reactions are confusing me: is that for real?

And yeah, I already studied those stuffs in my Elementary Biochemistry class and I was even enrolled in Molecular and Cell Biology course—well, I got a grade of four in Cell Biology (freaking detailed reactions, I want a proof of their existence:-) and luckily satisfactory grade in Elementary Biohemistry! Still, I don’t understand the whole thing.

Well, this is science… yeah the one I love ever since. If only my memory is not failing me, I can surely do well. But it always does and it failed me a million times already!

And guess what I am doing before I write this blog item? I played Cake Mania and mystery case file… feeling guilty though. And last night I was with my friends drinking and having fun…

See, I am not even doing something to make myself improved a little bit. I got no spirit to study… there is something within me that is holding and pushing me to play games.

smiling timmy
All I understand is that when I play my mind sinks into nothingness. One kind of emptiness I wished to experience. I have nothing to think about—it is my way to run away from reality once again. Because my actions are revealing—there is something that upset me—something I don’t recognized yet.
Last night on my way home, I can’t help but to stare other passengers one by one. Each of them reminded me of the unfair life. Going into my life drama again!

Or perhaps I am just intoxicated; it is just a mere effect of the alcohol being absorbed by my system so quickly. So it is true that alcohol can be a depressant drug aside from being a stimulant. From my reading, it does depresses a person by closing some brain circuits, interferes chemical messages into the brain and ruin short term emotional gains…and want to hear of a molecular unfair reality? Women is said to produce less alcohol dehydrogenase (can reduce the amount of alcohol entering the body by approximately 20%) than men! That is why we become more intoxicated on less alcohol! Still, there is an issue of inequality here! Life is unfair even when it comes to molecular level.

Originally posted at

Crazy-Lazy-Future-MD

Is it stupid to say that the world indeed has the capability to turn us upside down? My innocent belief when I was once a little kid attacked my mind early this morning. Those days when I pictured out myself living outside the planet, so when it turns around the solar system we have to be very careful because we might fall out...well then I tried to convinced myself that we live inside the planet, so I don’t have to worry of falling out into the solar system!  I will never live long out there—it is so dark even if it has all the stars I love.

It scares me until I learned from my basic science courses about gravity and the likes. Hmmm… see what a simple science can do? It can clear up our puzzled thoughts and can make us feel better—giving us peace of mind by answering all our questions with giving us  reliable basis. That’s why I love science! It explains us very well the cause and effect of a thing up to its detailed and tiny element. That’s how science amazed my young mind.

            Loving science, I took up biology  and was inspired to enter medicine—for an everlasting wonderful world of discoveries.

            I am not going to talk about science technicalities here, I am not good at that… though I was exposed to science for years… I wished to master the secret of science! I really love to study and learn more facts. But, i guess it won’t happen for a lazy crazy future MD like me, right?
         
            The problem with me was I am too pre-occupied with my dreams. I wanted this and that. I planned for this and that. I am going to be like this someday… someday… and someday.

        Becoming a medical doctor or working in a laboratory, or  working on a special problem regarding the community structures organisms, then let me come up with an excellent scientific paper… life is great by then.

I am so busy daydreaming, building castles in the air, creating perfect stories out of imagination. I got all life’s fantasy. I been the person I always wanted and been to places… so may of those, only in my dreams.

            I had miss to realized the fact that I have to work hard in order for me to reach my dreams. Daydreaming won’t take me into reality. I have to work so hard—double time to catch the wasted time—if I can.

            I am a medical student. I should be studying so hard and learn facts religiously. I should not go to bed tired of solving the mystery file games and diner dash—I got case studies in biochemistry still. I should stop taking for granted those little facts.  I should spending more of my time with my books and not with Tom&Jerry.  I should be writing a Physiology laboratory report instead of editing my friendster profile. I should study Gross anatomy and master the parts of cadaver instead of judging people around me.

I had been so lazy, so crazy medical student for past few months.
It is not a good start I know… I am not learning the way a future doctor should… and I know pretty well that if I am not going to change my bad habit then I am not going to be a good Medical doctor someday.

            Well, what do you think guys? I hope identifying these faulty ways of medicine life could awaken my lost determination of becoming a GOOD doctor.


Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com

January 8, 2008

Exam-now-study-later

Classes will resume in the next two days. What a sigh! I wish somebody from the government will pass a memo that the vacation is extended; I really don’t feel like going to school though staying at home is not funny anymore and it is getting more boring each passing day.
 The truth is, I haven’t started some of my paper works yet nor did I read my textbooks for exams and as what they have told us “we need to read in advance”. Chances are, I’ll be doing again this year the “exam-now-study-later system”.

So I wasted my time and I can hear “Dra. A” telling us we are no longer a college student and we are not supposed to take things for granted. Well, I wish I could reason out that my time is not wasted; it is only not enough to occupy everything. Right! I’m just trying to justify it.  I know she is right, and she is indeed a good counselor! Oh, did I declare it right?  She really confused me if our class under her is a Guidance Counseling or really one of our Major med subjects.
But the thing is, regardless of Dra.’s word that kills the day of every med student, I had a quality time with my family and of course needless to say, I really had a good and enough sleep: sleep early and wake up so late.  Isn’t it that life is so nice? I really have good perspective and it feels good (despite my academics are getting worst, but I can handle it; Dra is there to push me to my limit). I do appreciate the whole thing today, everything seems so great. Perhaps, those things were just ignored because my mind was preoccupied with my stupid dramas.  Well, I had promised myself not make dramas anymore: I guess it is someone’s choice to be happy or not, and I decided to be happy. Wow! How come it took me so long to realize this? Again, justifying myself, it is better than never realizing at all.
originally posted at: cristymay.multiply.com

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