Going back

Four days and I wanted to count more (if I could still do that) but that would be impossible, even unnecessary. I've been out of my training for four days (leaving my team no notes) which is a clear evidence of how unbecoming I am. 


This is probably the nth time I did not stand firm for what I wanted to turn into. This is the nth time I tolerated myself to waste another piece of me.
I am not running away this time.

You know me by name, perhaps, you know part of my story

I had enough of this poor situation, weak heart, lost spirit. I’m heading my way to the journey I longed for.

I’m walking a little step backward because I crossed boundaries.  Those extra miles I had, perhaps, made me lost my direction.But today, I’m heading my way to the journey I longed for. 

Today I decided to be trained to be the woman whose hands are instruments to save lives. My days won’t be like the days of people around me. My training won’t be as easy and will never be a smooth sailing because I have a scar whose pain I know will persistently linger. 

For as long as I’m on the same ground with the same people to interact with, there will always be someone who will remind me of my flaws (unintentionally as they can be). My days will never be the same. Chances of random things may jog my memories that will awaken the pains that once brought me to my disgrace. 

There will be kind of days--difficult and tough. There will soon be days I’ll surely find myself in one corner deep breathing to ease tension that could probably kill my remaining hope.

This agony will definitely stay—but I’m decided to pick the broken pieces of me, pieces that will soon cause deeper cuts to stir-up consciousness.   

I resolved to be preoccupied with things I needed to regain whatever was lost.

I’m taking back every single thing that was taken away from me—that includes my self-respect, my moral, my reputation.

Staying young

"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land." Peter Pan

 Apart the desire to look young is the eagerness to hold the innocence we once cling into—those days when we believed that life is beautiful. Those days when we never thought that our playground will soon be a battlefield. No one told us of that actually. Everyone has allowed us to enjoy and then soon after the pleasure was the surprises of seeing the unforeseen part of life—Failures, disappointment, and frustrations do exist. It is never easy to chase a dream unlike imagined.

Growing up, at times, is something we wish we can get rid of. There comes a time when we wanted to go back to the unrestricted world we once enjoyed during our childhood days. We sometimes long for those years when we know nothing about fear, when we ask instead of we search for an answer, when the only task that tired us was to arrange our toys in a shelf. Less troubled world. We are free of responsibilities, duties, and obligations. 

Being young also means the ability to solve tough problems because you are not baffled yet by the possibilities of failing. Focus was never an issue back then. Panic was never a part of life.  Thus, younger minds have better ideas. Sadly, some of us somehow lose the ability as we aged, as the roads we took distract us. 

To stay young.  It is the first thing we could ever wish for when our hearts are broken, whenever we are blamed, when we are discourage by life, when we are disappointed by our shattered dream,  and whenever we find ourselves astray amidst of nowhere.

When this kind of time will knock our day, it is not bad to pamper ourselves with everything we loved during our younger years. 
Walk down to the sea shore barefoot to collect shells
Climb a tree and have some time alone like there is no way for you to fall
Dance under the rain like no one cares
Have a break to play
Laugh out loud with old friends
Talk to someone younger than you
Remind yourself on how to laugh, how to make fun, how it feels like to be young. 
Freshen up your mind because there are times when we forget how to laugh.

It is not bad to laugh like a kid. Just set your limitation on how young you would go. What am I talking about? to follow peter pan to Neverland (it's your choice anyway). The idea of flying away to a magical world with Peter Pan is a fantasy of many because everyone wanted to stay young.  Despite my envy to him for he is embracing a world of fun, I never wanted to be like him. He is a man (?!? / a little man?!?)… Whatever! He is someone who did not take on the responsibility of adult life. He is now flying around the never land—no job, have not settle into a relationship, he is watching generations suffer as it comes and go. I wanted some of the things Peter does not want. I want to be one responsible grown-up, I want a job, and I want a relationship. Peter pan might embrace the joy and wonder of being young but has lost sight of the purpose—that part, I do not want to happen in my life.

Well, I do not really want to condemn Peter for what he is right now. Everyone has a purpose and choice. I want to respect them whatever it may be. I have my own and my purpose in life is to grow up and conquer life.

Gone are those days… Peter Pan is not going to fly to my window and will not take me to Never Land. If he will, I'll choose to stay here on my own real world. Here, I can stay adventurous—I can stay young at heart.

"Second to the right, and straight on till morning." Peter Pan

North bound trip

It was just another ‘Out of the blue invite from a good friend… but that North bound trip was pretty well an answer to a prayer.

All I ever desire back then was to ‘take hold of freedom’ and ‘experience how it feels like to be free’ (again) even in the simplest way that I could. I wanted a break from the life I had... from the path I’ve chosen. My life was a mess and everyday felt like a waste then. Prior to our unplanned get-away, I had already challenged myself to go to a place I’ve never been my entire life (I should be alone) to prove that I still had the nerve to be me—that I can make my own decision… that I can still meet and talk to people…that there is life other than mine…

The travel was good but unfortunately the way of life remained just the same back home...but still, My stay at Vigan was a really good experience. I enjoyed and I managed to set my burdens aside--felt so free when I was there.

Vigan, a city influenced by the Spaniards (?!?). Believe it or not that was my first time to hear "VIGAN CITY". I never knew the place exists. ( because I never paid attention to my history and geography class!) So I was a little bit surprised when I heard from the man inside the ticket booth that it is a ten-hour bus ride from where we were (Quezon City).

The excitement was there in the face of being a stranger. The first thing I asked myself was “Is this Vigan?” The place was a typical of a small town having regular folks…it was around six in the morning when we arrived. From the bus terminal, a tricycle rode us to Grandpa’s Inn, a charming old residence that was converted to accommodate travelers and guest. It only cost us 800php/night (I think) for a decent room with amenities that includes a clean comfort room, two comfortable beds, a ceiling fan, and a television—good enough for us.

*traveling back in time, sometime in December 2009*

Shanna’s itinerary is of great help, we know where to go and what to do thus maximizing our stay with a whole lot of fun .And this proved me wrong... Vigan is not at all a typical town.

Indeed a very convenient checklist...
I know! I said it was unplanned...it really was
but that doesn't mean one of us did not anticipate a North bound trip.
Having a checklist is a good idea.
So let the tour begin...

 

 Calle Crisologo

We enjoyed the walk through the four blocks of cobblestone streets lined with heritage houses. I never really realized the "four blocks of cobblestone" until I read the city's commercial site on-line.

The houses are simple but very detailed in architecture which have been turned into stores and museum...

you can visit the street anytime you wanted but for me it was great during evening when the street transformed into 18th century-like ambiance.whoa! Time travel!!!
in addition, it is also nice because the place is cozy for lovers...sweet :)

Vigan Houses, most was converted to commercial buildings. We never really ate at famous resto and fast food. We contented ourselves eating in Carinderias which served famous Vigan foods (especially longganisa and Lutong-bahay foods--very Pinoy) in cheap amount. 60php already mean a heavy meal... a very heavy meal...

 

Calesa ride

A fun ride around the city and the surrounding town.

We paid 300php for (more than) three-hour service, worth it!

we're lucky enough to meet a friendly cochera who then became our tour guide for no extra charge...

In general, Locals of Vigan are very accommodating... it's like a home away from home.

Baluarte

the governor's fortress owned by Gov. Chavit Singson

I think  the place was still on the process to improvement during our visit...

It  features a mini zoo with exotic animals and the one I enjoyed--butterfly garden!!!, 

a small calesa... yes! having a small horse... a donkey I think, gave us a free-ride so we can get closer with some of the free animals like deers and ostrich...scary though but still fun

Father Burgos Museum 

The ancestral home of Father Burgos, one of the three martyrs who died by strangulation 

Inside were well taken memorabilia and photographs, family antiques, Father Burgos’ quarters and a mini library containing his student Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere which we argued if it is authentic. 

We were, by the way, guided by a tourism graduating student.

Pagburnayan

These men showed us how a burnay is made while we talked to the owner.

Accordingly jars were not only for decors but also useful among salt-making business as their storage...

"The making of burnay is done with just the use of the potter’s skillful hands and use of pottery wheel and kiln. Fine sand is used to temper the clay, which once fashioned into the desired shape is placed inside high-temperature ground kilns made from brick and clay."

Shrine of our Lady of Charity

Saint Agustine Parish Church

One of the oldest churches of Ilocos Sur
Since it was my first time I offered a little prayer...  

Bantay Belfry/ The famous bell tower

I've seen pictures of friends beside the bell but I never knew it was in Vigan...

located in the Bantay district of Vigan 

It was said to be the people’s watchtower, part of the city’s defense that helps in alerting it against possible enemies.

At the top of the tower I was amazed by the panoramic view of the Vigan community...

amazing! 

I'm so in love with the place

This garden is no longer a secret to us...a private-owned tourist attraction that displays and sell very expensive variety of plants, serves coffee, and a good hang-out too.

 Crisologo Museum
The last of all the Museums we visited owned and maintained by Crisologo family

Villa Angela Heritage House

Again, I never knew the history of the place until the visit. They said, Tom Cruise was one of their guests (not really a big deal to me). Then it also display the wooden carriage used by Irene Marcos on her wedding.

A visit to Vigan will not be complete without tasting its famous Vigan empanada and Royal bibingka...
Empanada cost thirty-five pesos each which is quite expensive for me to have as many to fill my hunger

After a day of tour...We had a little good time at the bar then transferred at Grandpa's resto because there was one not-so-kind-woman who pissed us.

  And here's more of the fun we had...

My almost lover

There seem to be no acceptable defense why an unfaithful individual exists. Exploring new emotional break outside a relationship is very common in this day and age. Losing your partner to your best friend is possible almost everyday. Why? Like most of you, I should have known already but I haven’t. It happens. To reason out is pointless because reasons are beyond our understanding and since it is beyond then it is something we can barely agree to.

“We are both happy living our own lives. Before you came, I just started to embrace the kindness of the world that once I’m deprived with. I started to see the beauty of life. I just gave myself a chance to feel happy by letting him in into my life.”

To love and be love back is the greatest desire of all.

 “The day I saw you is the day I lost sight of him. It’s the day I realized that we're not meant for each other because that day entails a lot of weakness: The love was not enough to stand  me against the pull of new attraction. That kind of attraction happens only where there is no love—maybe there was really none.”

There are a lot of uncertainties in life. No one knows what a sunrise could bring along its beauteous rays. Things can change in a snap without you noticing how and understanding why.

 “Just remember the day we hang out. I’m beside him, you’re beside her. He was holding my hand while you hold her’s. All those time our eyes talked their own language. No words were spoken, no actions were done... just our eyes”

There are things beyond our control. There are passionate longings you can never explain—like missing the person you never been with.... or loving a person you never met.

  “Then we found ourselves together. Feeling your arms around me we’re real—almost perhaps. I became weaker than I was. In one point it is somewhat a self degrading to fell in love that way... perhaps it’s the guilt that overshadow the happiness... or maybe feeling sad why should it be that way. Feels like having the right love on the wrong time... seems like been loving the wrong person and finally found the right one.”

There are times we are aware of an impending tragedy but we choose to let it happen. Forbidden love. Being with and loving someone else. But love happens—it actually happens beyond control.

 “I know what it takes to have you—trouble. A lot of troubles. So I choose not to have you, at the same time, not to be with him anymore. Now that we’re separated by distance, chance, and time...the magic still remain. And someday when these three allowed our paths to cross again I want to give and feel the love we both deserve. Maybe someday it will, who knows?"

Love happens—it actually happens beyond control.

Is it really being unfaithful or just being true to what you feel?

*This post is part of the past and is not the current love story of the author*