Heading Towards the Finish Line

I'm on my last trimester with less than 10 weeks until the estimated date of delivery—sixty seven more days to go. I am looking forward to embrace the beauty (as well as the other side of it of course) of parenthood.

Sleepless and Midnight trips to the bathroom to empty my bladder became my way of life this trimester. Getting a good night sleep became difficult again. My bumpy belly (bigger than before) brings no comfort.  That’s why I’m here blogging this early (it's four in the morning).

I’m very excited at the same time a bit impatient about meeting my child. The wait is longer than it seems. I can’t imagine myself waiting for another 10 more weeks.  Taking too long...

Along this waiting are my questions and fears. I can't pretend everything is fine. I have worries, too.

My “seem to be endless list of concerns” include…  

1. The fear of the unknown. While people around me are so eager to know of my baby’s gender. I am, on the other hand, is quite worried if my child is normal. Being once in a class of embryology, paediatrics, Obstetrics, gynaecology, genetics I am aware of certain possibilities. I wonder from day to day if my baby will be and is perfectly fine. 

2. The possibility of having serious complications during delivery aside from developmental failure. I’m praying for a trouble-free birth.

3. If I can cope up the pain of labor. What if I’ll collapse?!?  I’m just holding on to the fact that millions of women survived labor and delivery pain.Pain is temporary... It is! it really is! 

4. Financial aspect is getting on my way. I think of diapers, formula, clothing, bedding, cribs, toys, and much more. I should be preparing them, but I haven’t started yet. I wanted everything done before the baby arrives but we need to save for hospital bills and emergency medical cases instead.

5. Relationship with my partner, family and friends. My baby will surely bring changes. A lot of changes. I hope I can handle the pressures other than the things I listed on my post Bits and Pieces of me --things I already accepted that those will no longer be part of my life anymore. 

6. The Grandparents are going to "take-over" my child. My baby's grandparents from both sides are just as excited. What if they will re-live their early parenthood days and not allow me to feel the beauty of being a first-time mom? But I can’t deny the fact that needed help and they know best. I can really sense clash of ideas between us soon.

7. Worry that I won't be good mother. I guess I’ll just wait for my baby so my parenting instincts will kick in. 

8. Worry if we could provide. We are definitely challenged to offer the best of this world. The protection, the comfort, a good future, the necessary guidance, and less the fear of being alone.

9.  Going back to Med School. Being a “supposedly Soon-to be MD” (currently a Mom-to be), out of school and a super bum for that matter, I doubt if going back to school will still be an option after I gave birth. Although I have plans, going back won’t be easy anymore. I wonder who will look after my child and if I am strong enough to sacrifice.

10. The least I could ever think of is my physique. I’ve been feeling looking exhausted becoming the most ugly woman in our town. I never seen the motherly glow they’ve been talking about.  I got this nose like of Rudolph the red-nose reindeer; I got swollen ankles, my neck turned dark, etc.. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind of a supermodel neither the beach bum who wears two-piece prior my pregnancy. I’m not, but confidence lessened a bit. I’m starting to hate skinny pretty ladies my age.

  

Albeit all these fears is the simple truth that I am overjoyed. I know I can do better than all these. Looking forward to see my first born sometime in August.  

Time Travel: Let there be light

Back in college, I was told that a fraternity member has a greater chance to get a high-paying job (so easily) than an"independent". Being a member is a “plus factor” on your resume because a lot of employers and successful man in town will soon become your brother and sister thus a greater chance to be employed. All you need is the skill to choose which fraternity to join in—the main denominator would always be “common interest”.  Choose a fraternity whose majority of the member shares a common interest with you.

I was never convinced.  How could that possibly be?  The media emphasized frat tradition in general—hazing, public humiliations, and a lot of tricks—which they rather refer as disciplinary actions to test the determination of an aspiring member. They have the most painful way to screen applicants. They perform the most risky way of training the member on how to value the brotherhood. To “be one of them” is a risk of life. Why should I join if I can be a woman of success without undergoing painful processes?  I was rather challenged to become the “independent”—because I simply don't need them.

So I swore not to join. Besides, I was never the kind of a “sis material”—a soon-to-be member connotes being popular, dynamic, and sociable. They have certain qualities I never had. Thus, I was never invited.

To make the story short, I wasn’t completely right. I was in a graduate school when I appreciate the life of a Frat-Man after I attended orientation program. Being a frat man wasn’t perfect, it has its own flaws but fraternity is not like what the media have shown the public.

Let me tell you…

The first four is about the obvious “Instant-all-you-got”

1.   Instant companions. It is quite an obvious fact that you will be provided with this kind of opportunity. “feeling-close system”—it will always appear that you have known each other for a long time despite the fact that you only met a minute ago. To become comfortable with people you have met for the first time is a great experience.

An hour after I survived :)

2.   Instant social life (expect get together, road trips, parties and a lot more). Life become social in nature, but that does not only imply drink and party alone. Everything serves a purpose.  Being social means allowing you to meet new people—a healthy way to live your life. A chance to get out from your comfort zone. 

3.   Instant popularity (the moment they’ll find out everyone will be asking you of HOW?!? WHY?!? WHEN?!? WHAT?!?) 

4.   Instant activities. Fraternities are customarily engaged in community services which is truly a noble thing to do. 

5.   The feeling that “I am being protected”. You will gain more confident because you know someone is there for you, someone will protect you, and most of all someone will support you no matter how crazy you are. Of course this comes with a consequence, frat will protect you in troubles but the moment they’ll find out it’s your fault then you’ll be subjected to a well-deserve disciplinary action. Why? because a brotherhood means helping you to become a better person.

Back off! I have brothers to protect me.. hehe

6.   A learning process is available. You will learn a lot inside the circle. Learning process doesn’t end up the moment you survived and the time you became an official member. Learning is spontaneous. A fraternity circle is like a little world. You’ll meet a lot of members from different walks of life and you will learn how to deal with them. It’s a must. Fraternity have policies and procedures to follow—living in a small world that prepares you to face   the great and real world. 

7.   A chance to excel. Yes. This is true. brotherhood stresses excellent because they have expectations for members. And the mere fact that you desire to become the fraternity’s asset is a good motivation to excel because you know someone is going to be proud of you aside from your biological family. 

8.   You will become a leader. Leadership is not an opportunity but an obligation. It is something that is readily available to all the members. Each member has equal chance to assume a role.

9.   You will learn how to work/interact well with others. This is possible while planning/organizing one of the events. To be inside a fraternity circle is a good practice on how to deal with other people.
 

10.  Experience a “home away from home” environment. Fraternity is not about friendship. It is more of a family. When you argue with members, you are obliged to compromise. The men and women you’ll be calling sis and brods will be the ones to provide guidance when you are struggling. Believe me, there will always be someone who will sacrifice their time just to be with you even in the middle of night especially when you are in trouble. There will be someone who will take care of you, someone who will open door of their houses for you. This common bond will be with you for your life.

Anyways, be responsible enough. Don't join just to show-off with friends and become popular. To become a member is a lifetime responsibility.

thanks for the warm welcome... got this roses from brods and sisses the day after I became a member.. feeling so wasted...

Bits and Pieces of me

The top ten list I used to get pleasure from...

 

1.       A comfortable couch and a hot Caramel Macchiato with friends at our favourite Coffee shop

2.       Cold buckets and towers of beer with small talks and loud laughs

3.       Smoke "yosi break" whenever the night became like a crap

4.       A way to say goodbye to a bad hair day—Spend a day at beauty salon to feel good again

5.       Scream or laugh out loud inside a movie house all by myself with a bag of M&M’s and a cup of mango shake (that's my personal choice) 

6.       Night swimming with good friends and even a week at the beach which means sunset and Sunrise everyday

7.       Rant all I can at blogger.com

8.       Road trips and food trips, still with good friends

9.       Greet my friends “Good Morning” via SMS everyday

10.   My beauty rituals—Whitening and slimming products among others

The top ten things above will just be part of my young and free life.

My good bye to all! *sniff* because I’m going to make a new and different list of top ten things to enjoy in no time *wink-wink*

To-do-list

It is raining again and I can no longer understand the show I'm watching. So I decided to write down my to-do-list instead of maximizing the volume or sit near the television just to hear.  By the way, I have a lifetime to make this happen. No pressures!

•  Travel alone

Been traveling with friends but what I really planned lately is to travel by myself. My ultimate escapade is to travel like a freeman. I bet this is the time that I could make decision for myself without depending to anyone. The idea that no one else is there around is a good motivation and sooner as I hoped before my travel ends, I will feel and will realize that I am capable of making good decisions. 

• Drive my own car

 

To go anywhere I want to, may it be to work or not. I feel that those women driving their own cars are all self dependent.  I admire them for being such. I want to be one of them in the near future.  Their is a little changes in details of my plan though because this time I want a red one. During my 18th birthday, I told my friend I always wanted a blue car! the very next day he painted a blue sports car, framed it and gave it to me. Sweet friend. 

• Surf the wave at La Union

La Union is one of my target travel destination

A way to learn to go with the flow, I guessed. It is not a good idea to be standing against the odds all the time just to show the world you're different, sometimes we need to blend in, and go where the current goes. A little adjustment will do to survive. Sometimes it will lead us to the right path. 

• Learn foreign language

French and Spanis

To feel how it was again to be like a grade schooler learning the right grammar and pronunciation. Learning foreign  language is exciting. I guess, it is all good to speak not just of native tongue, a rewarding skill to acquire.

• Own a library

My library @ yoville.com

Of course I already had one, I created a library at yoville community. But I wanted a library that is not just created but is built--a real one. I am fascinated by homes with their own library filled with books of all kind. I wanted to have one of my own where I can read anytime I want too.

• Own a beachfront house

 Because life is simply a beach.  I also had one at yoville community worth 34,000 yoville coins :) and I wished beachfront house is also that cheap!!! The mere fact that I love sunset so much inspires me to own one someday :) 

• Engage in sports

A good way to discipline. Although I never been into sports. I only played because of P.E. class, that's all. But since I am no longer a student, I want to learn sports for my own good. Badminton, Lawn Tennis, Golf are on my top list!

• Climb a mountain

Simply because I wanted to conquer  the world. I know climbing a mountain will not do the trick but the feeling is there. My experienced is way back my grade school years during our annual camping. I want to experience a real mountain climb. 

• _____________________

I will intentionally leave this blank. I know I want something but I have no idea what it is!! :)