been blessed...

Hi everyone! I want you to meet my dear little princess... 

Ms. Charlotte Ivymarie E. Miranda

Birth Information

Date of Birth: August 4, 2011 by Caesarian Section

Place of Birth: Saint Gabriel Hospital (Arch. Gabriel Reyes St. Corner G. Pastrana St., Kalibo, Aklan

Time of Birth: 3:16 a.m

Birth Weight: 2.8 Kg

Birth Length: 48cm

Head Circumference: 33cm

You can always visit us anytime you want at http://tim-charlotteivymarie.blogspot.com

See you around :)

To travel back in time

With my recent post North Bound Trip, I came up with a challenge that could somehow (hopefully) make my day not-so-boring kind. I noticed that majority of my time these past few days (even past months) was spent lying in my bed and going on-line; nothing is really exciting about my life. I’m like having a very…very… very…very… looooooong and boring weekend. Having a weekend everyday is not fun at all.

The challenge is to go over my multiply account where all my photographs were uploaded… I'm going to grab pictures one at a time randomly…and then write something about it, good and bad moments alike.

Yes! I’m going back in time. 

Those happy memories deserve a little confession. 

Good bye

My dear,

I'm supposed to write a letter that could inspire your day. I remember the day I promised myself to never let you feel sad…to never start your day bad just because I am feeling bad… because we are here to inspire each other’s lives...

But today my dear, I woke up feeling empty—

I am neither happy nor sad.

*sigh*

A sigh because the feeling is actually a well-defined one...

The truth is I’m wearing my other face to mask the reality.

I should be keeping this myself but allow me to be honest for once.

Allow me to say that I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling. I was trying to ignore the fact that I was brought by the emptiness to a place where I forbid myself to go. I found myself adrift the space of promises that made me feel unsatisfied to where I am to an extent of feeling discontented with what we are having.  I wanted to ignore the reality and trick myself to change what I feel (that’s why I said I’m neither happy nor sad) but the pain stabs so bad enough. Forgive me for this is not the life I wanted.

I said it was the happiest…

I promised to cherish the memory we created and we’ll create more of a lasting memory that could inspire both of us…

I was wrong…

It wasn’t easy and I’m not seeing any worth to keep this relationship any further…

I’m a weak. I was scared, I trembled until I lose grip…

I can no longer hold on because I can’t find the reason why I should…

Still, I hope to be reminded with because I love you…

But my dear, if saying good byes were destined…Let it be.

We don’t have to wait for us to be broken…

We don’t need to  feel the pain so to push each other…

All we need is just the word “Good bye”…as good as it is…

Let us allow happy thoughts to linger as we make our own ways…

Let's part our ways bringing happy memories with us because I wished to be in a place someday remembering all those times…

P.S.

Our bows had been in silent...

I hope that would make things easier.

I'll always love you

Blogger...down

This is a scheduled post.

The status update posted on the 12^th said that the site will be on a read-only mode because they’re trying to resolve maintenance issues. Sadly, the inconvenience lasts like until forever. On the 13^th, sometime in the afternoon, they announced that “in order to get Blogger back to normal, all posts since 7:37am PDT on Weds, 5/11 have been temporarily removed”.

Source: type-blog.com via Cristy on Pinterest

I was alarmed so I copied all my blog entries to a Microsoft OneNote as my back up if in case of serious corruption. Besides, one of my pages was already deleted. What would you expect me to feel? My blog isn’t good but they are all important to me. I was thinking of transferring to wordpress.com instead but I realized that is too much of trouble. Besides, I always considered the site only for advance and more serious writers. I personally find blogger.com as friendly user and comfortable to work with.

So is this Friday the 13^thall about? By superstition it holds a day of bad luck. Well, blogger’s status of being down is quite a proof I think (perfect coincidence, huh!).

On the 13^th, I had my paper and my pen with me taking down all the things I wanted to tell. The day is very frustrating. Every single thing around me is annoying; noise, screams of people, slums of the door are all getting into my nerves. The chikka messenger I’ve been using now says “we are currently working on making this carrier/country available”. There is an error on yahoo messenger. My laptop won’t start also. The last thing I did was pressed the restart button to cool down in the hope that it could help speed up the internet connection.

I want blogger back! I want my laptop on!

"Huling pahina"

May mga pagkakataong pilit kong inuunawa ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko. Pilit hinahanapan ng sagot ang mga bagay na walang katanungan.

Hawak ko ngayon ang aklat ng buhay ko at  sa aking pag-iisa, isa isa kong binuklat at binalikan ang bawat pahina. Ang pagkakatanda ko pa ako mismo ang nagsulat ng kwentong akala ko'y naging masaya, naging malungkot, naging magulo. Hindi ko mahanap ang parte ng buhay ko na iyon.

Hindi ko mahanap ang pahina kung saan ako nagsimula, hindi ko tuloy masundan ang takbo ng istorya. Mali ba ang naisulat ko? Mali ba ang nagawa kong kwento?

Kung nagkamali man ako, mabubura ko pa kaya ang naisulat ko at palitan para sumang ayon ito sa inaakala kong kwento ng buhay ko? Imihinasyon, walang katotohanan o sadya bang pilit kong tinatalikuran ang aking nakaraan?

Madalas kong mabanggit sa ibang tao "balang araw, magiging tama din ang maling maling mga nagawa ko tanggap ko lahat sa buhay ko". Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling at bakit ko nasasabi ang isang paniniwala na hindi ko pa naman lubusang naiintindihan.

Isang pahina na lang ang hindi ko pa nasusulatan. Sana sa pagkakataong 'to makasulat ako ng isang magandang kwento. Ang kwentong maipagmamalaki at maibabahagi ko balang araw.

always wanting the “other” thing

In 2007, a long and  a winding road had given me enough reason to sign up for a site. "cristymay.multiply.com" became my hiding place, my bin for my trashes, my megaphone for my shouts. It was always a relief by then to hang out online and let go of ramblings from time to time. Those were the times I felt I was heard and understood because a lot of my contacts tend to connect with me almost sincerely. My posts gathered comments like “yeah, I know how it feels” or  I always had a shoulder tap from a friend the very next day while saying “hey, I read your blog”.

In 2009 I decided to concentrate on posting pictures than posting blog entries in the thought that pictures do make a thousand of words. For three years I posted 158 photo albums all in all. Not bad for someone like me who only got a 2.0 mega pixel camera phone to take pictures.

But sometimes too much of connections can be annoying especially readers tend t visit for an update or to clarify the gossips they just heard and not really into relating their lives into yours. My hiding place became crappy. So I longed for privacy. As a result I limited myself on just posting pictures at multiply then transferred all my blog entries at blogger where no friends follow me.

Now that I'm having the privacy that I wanted, I'm feeling stupid that no one responses on my posts. I was wondering if there is someone out there who reads my posts. I wonder how it feels again to be understood and be heard. Sometimes i just reassure myself that I don't need readers at all because I am writing to help myself in making attributions on tricky situations.

The bottom line of this is that I am a natural being who will never have a sense of satisfaction—always wanting the “other” thing.

Privacy

I am trying to figure out whether it is still safe to keep my journals on hand or have I gone mad not to trust anyone this time. I even thought of not writing anymore... that is!!!.... If I could keep every creepy thought and can resist the need to express them. The truth is,  this is the only moment that I could be myself without having doubts to talk on every single thing that is happening in my life.

As an online blogger I am aware that the whole world could read my writings disregarding the fact that only a six or few person could actually find time to read one of the entries. I don’t really expect someone will, but what I don’t expect most is someone will read even those that are not posted, kept on a box for years and were intentionally made for my own.

Backspace

This is actually my 50th sentence for this page. The other 49 were all deleted intentionally after each time I press the period key. Well, this moment basically made me realized of how bad a writer I am. Who cares anyway, I am not actually one—I can never be good in everything that I do. All I know right now is that I had proven myself that I am not enough to anyone as always. well the thing is, I'm here to stay so I can persuade myself that everyday is a great day. That no matter how bad life is I’ll still be fine.

Anyway, right now, the clattering sound of this keyboard created by pressing them annoys me. But still I keep on pressing in the hope to come up with something good to write. Writing is harder than I ever imagined especially now that there are things unknown to me that put me on hold not to publish any bad expressions and serious emotions. So what I am doing right now is that each time I enter a message I’m deleting it right away. I am so myself today, I can be bad, and I might regret things.

If only talking to a person can be this way; each time we uttered bad statements there is a backspace key to press so each moment can be filled up with the right one. Too bad there is none and being careless in choosing words is at times unforgivable. 

Silence

My idea of writing is for me to comprehend my environment. It is my own simple way to understand myself. But I came to a point where I passionately stayed away from pressing the keyboard and get rid of picking up a pen to write a single word. Sometimes, our own thoughts can be that scary. Times when you thought of someone you don’t want to remember, tasks you don’t want to do, acts that you considered you never did, an event you don’t want to take place, blames you don’t want to cast upon. Some words that can at times are too good to remain unsaid because talking can be regretful. I always regret how I connect words and turned them to harsh statements. I wanted to lessen my regrets if I can. I had enough of them; I’m not creating another set to make myself bad. Silence is good and to remain as one in times of hatred feels great. 

To delay things when needed can be hard—as hard as acting mature when you’re really not but it can make you one.

I was inspired...

I visited his blog entries last night instead of reviewing for my pediatrics-2 removal exam on Monday…that's for tomorrow already and I haven't had enough knowledge stored on my failing brain cells. Being eligible of taking the removal exam made me feel lucky despite of the feeling "I-know-nothing-because-I-simply-don't". I was crazy indeed but reading his writings instead of reading Nelson and del Mundo's textbook made me feel a whole lot better. I was inspired.

I remember, one moment at the CAS when we're all in the heights of deciding whether to shift or not to shift courses because of MATH 17 and CHEM 16. He saw me carrying books, not of mathematics but of poetry and literature. He asked me then why stay being a biology student when I loved reading those books and I do loved to write. He confused me. I don’t know what happened…I don't even remember what I told him. The next thing that I know was I saw him excelling in his new life while I struggled to survive being a biology student.

Since then, I started to admire the way he live his life and the way he deals with it. That was success. Being happy of what you are doing, success is not about of "they're happy of what you're doing". He is not happy being a biology student, so do I. He chose to leave and fly, I stayed behind. Because back then I was pre-occupied of what others might think of me--scared of unknown.

Until one of his entries catches my attention --not so interesting one but it interests me though. He was sad, so natural but it honestly surprised me. I never thought of him being tired despite of being lucky. I never imagined him being that scared despite people around him. But who am I to judge him… all I know is what I see--he was him smiling and flying with colors.

What really inspires me was that the fact that he was indeed dealing with reality, and I can feel his sincerity right there. I felt the same thing for so may times… I'm not alone then and even the most successful person I know can feel empty the way I am. He was sad and yet he still manage to live.. He was right, there is no other way to get out but to succeed.