Love is something we can never beg for...

Sometimes, it’s easier to say that you’re fine instead of having to explain all the reasons why you’re not

For ten minutes, I rest in silence hoping to cross a solitary ground where I can muse. Nothing happened.

I wanted to break-free more than embracing this concealed loneliness within. There are actually uncertainties masked by contentment brought by the bundle of joy inside my womb. It is the joy that over powers doubt. It is the main reason why I tried not to entertain this doubts.I resolved to neglect all the doubts.

My mind on the other hand is seeking for clarity. It desires for a simple yet defined words that could explain the complications.  Could it be promises? Like an assurance that could otherwise save a desperate emotions.

Could constructing sentences out of a few promising words be enough to build the needed security?  

I doubt.

I was actually considering the possibility of betrayal—to be specific, a past relationship is most likely to regain the warmth of the said lost affection. I am honestly bothered by her who speak out for willingness to return. It took so much courage to do such actions unless very determined.

And I haven’t talk about this yet—of how she is making our relationship unsecured. I couldn't hate her either. In a way, I do appreciate how she is fighting and how she stands firmly for the sake of love.She is very well respected.

So I have chosen to keep things myself not to make matters worse for it can be my reaction (my doubt) to what is happening that can ruin my own life. I felt stupid (part of me disagreed, but my belief holds true) I once told my partner he can always decide, and every decision will be respected without having to explain why and how for I believe you can never dictate someone whom they should love.  Love is free of charge; it is not something we plead, not something to beg for.

This is just a simple choice—unspoken fears—a noble way to love.

There were days I haven’t heard of sweet nothings and half of those days I think of uncertainties.

However it doesn’t mean I don’t believe him. I was thinking that I don’t have to hate him just because of someone wants him back so bad. Yes, I am worried but that won’t make me love him less. I love him more each day despite distance between us.

Each talk we have is a surprise for I don’t expect he’ll make me feel special… lucky... and every word he utters is real. I am thankful. I can’t help but to believe because I can sense how genuine it is. Those doubts seem to be rubbish then.I was even assured but then I know things can happen beyond our control--So I stayed to be real--be open to all the possibilities life could offer.

And that’s reality.

I sometimes hate him.

I sometimes despise him.

I sometimes get jealous.

I am sometimes worried.

She sometimes made me feel insecure.

They both are freaking me out.

But...


I always love him...
and I love him more...
enough for me to believe and trust... 

Source: tumblr.com via Cristy on Pinterest

Promise of a new life

 

The promise of a new life 

beams like the sun rising o'er the East--   

Bright, vibrant, illuminating, warm. 

The light you are destined to bring to this world 

has already brightened all our lives-- 

as it is sure to spread to every corner of this land. 

Yet, even as shadow recedes as noon approaches there 

is always somewhere not warmed by the light-- 

how unfortunate these spaces would be if not lighted

by you--the warmest radiance of all.

And, as it is that we cannot but glimpse the brightness 

of our solar friend without fear of blindness, 

neither can we gaze into your brilliance to see 

what so many tomorrows will bring. 

But the promise of discovery makes every moment elapsed 

an eternity of possibilities.

And though we cannot know what bright future

destiny holds for you, 

we can all imagine, dream, ponder. 

Yet, in the end you will choose on what celestial path 

you wish to wander. 

And, such as the stars arise from the collection 

of matter to one venue, 

So will your life be made from what you gather 

from those around you. 

Thus, though the path you choose will be your own, 

the journey of your life will never be yours alone.

 

*by Chadwick A.


 

"Singsing"

 

Minsan sa isang mall sa Quezon City: 

Friend: ang ganda ng singsing, kelan pa kaya ako mabibigyan ng ganyan?

Ako: Ano ka ba, ba't ka nangangarap magkasingsing? Iba na ang panahon ngayon.

Friend: Bitter ka pa rin hanggang ngayon?!?

Ako: Hindi sa ganon, pero nakita mo yang nakadisplay na yan? 3 pirasong singsing... kung saka sakaling mapapasayo yan e di isa sayo... isa sa mapapangasawa mo...at isa para sa isa pa nyang mahal! Nakakaloka ka! Mabuti pa ang shop na to, alam ang mga nangyayari sa mundo.

Saleslady: ay hindi po, design lang po talaga namin yan...(sabay kuha sa isang singsing)

Joke ko lang dapat yon, si ate naman defensive lang talaga :)

Pambihira. 

Madami akong gustong sabihin, madami akong pinapaniwalaan at kanina lang sabi ko sa sarili ko hindi ako iimik. Deadma lang kasi korny...kasi mababaw ang naiisip ko sa araw na 'to...

Pero kita mo naman, "tao lang din ako" at may blog site ako noh :)

Sabi ng lola ko (kasi sa totoong buhay ay di ko matandaan kung sino talaga ang nagsabi sakin) or sabi nga ng bida sa isang pelikula (over!), kung mahal mo ang isang tao gagawin mo ang lahat para sa kanya, ipaglalaban mo sya hanggang sa huli, at higit sa lahat hihintayin mo kahit gaano pa sya katagal bumalik. Sipag at tiyaga lang naman ang kailangan mo para magtagumpay ka sa lahat ng mga pinapangarap mo buhay. At syempre pa tayong mga pilipino ay naniniwala sa kasabihang "habang may buhay, may pag-asa".

Kaya ako, hindi ako magtataka kung balang araw mababalitaan ko na lang na nagkabalikan na ang taong mahal mo at ang dati nyang karelasyon lalong lalo na kung determinado ang isa sa kanila.

Hindi mo alam kung anong mangyayari bukas. Hindi mo alam na sa mga oras na to nagbunga na pala ang sipag at tyaga nya. Hindi mo alam na habang nagsusulat ako d2 dumating na pala ang hinihintay nya. Malay mo naman kasi sa pwedeng mangyari sa buhay mo. 

Hay naku. Kanya-kanyang gawa ng eksena. Kaya ikaw, Huwag kang magagalit kapag mangyayari sayo ang mga sinasabi ko ngayon kasi may moment ka din--pwdeng ikaw 'yong taong hinihintay, pwede din namang ikaw 'yong aasa. Depende lang.

 

Iilan lang ba ang nabubuhay ng tapat dito sa mundo para sabihin sa'yo ng harap harapan na nagbago na ang ihip ng hangin at hindi na ikaw ang taong mahal nila?... na hindi lang pala ikaw ang nag iisang minamahal nya. 

Kadalasan kelangan mo pang mag research or maging tsismosa para hindi ka mahuhuli sa balita. Todo effort lang lagi.

Ilang tapat na tao na ba ang nakilala ko?

sabi ng isa "mag enjoy lang tayo ngayon kasi malay mo bukas hindi na natin kasama ang isa't-isa, hindi naman natin masisisi ang tadhana kung may makikilala pa tayong higit sa atin" 

sabi naman ng isa "Hindi ko maipapangako sa'yo na hindi ako magmamahal ng iba ha...Tao lang ako"

At may nagsabi pang "Mahal ko naman kayong dalawa e..."

Nakakaloka.

Hindi mo alam kung matutuwa ka ba dahil tapat sila o maiinis ka lang dahil proud pa sila sa kung ano ang pinapaniwalaan nila sa buhay pag ibig. Ipagmamalaki mo ba sa mundo na ang taong mahal mo ay sadyang mapagmahal dahil lahat na yata ng mababait at dyosa na nakilala nya ay mahal nya?

Sino ba ang pwedeng magsabi kung sino ang dapat mong mahalin... ang dapat nyang mahalin? at... at...at kung ilan ang pwede nyong mahalin?

Kasalanan mo ba kung mahuhulog ang loob mo sa taong may mahal ng iba at may nagmamahal na? Kasalanan bang magmahal ka ng iba habang may minamahal ka? 

Masisisi mo ba ang mga taong nagmamahalan? (Charing!)

Sino ka ba para mag sabing "isang malaking pagkakamali ang pagmamahalan nyo?"