Lately, I deleted lists of people from my facebook account whom I never meet in person. Then I started to hide posts of some friends especially those who are making great life. I hate seeing them celebrating and achieving. It made me feel bad but I don't want to be totally disconnected so they'll stay hidden for awhile.
While my friends is celebrating life, allow me to post a picture of my messy room--a little picture of the world I'm partly in. Untidy, stinky, dark and isolated just like my life.
I have no man to publish this blog entry to any of my other social account. I just wanted to rant hoping to realize something good before having my signature and clicking the publish post bottom.
I got a messy room. This is where I sit and think of what and where could I be if I'm not here. This is supposed my comfort zone but look at it. I should be planning of skyline walk at Cebu City, Palawan escapades, sunset at Boracay Island, perhaps enjoying the cold weather at Baguio City with someone special, learn to surf at La Union. Instead of that, I imagine myself changing baby's diaper everyday, I'm troubled on how to carry a baby, and I am indeed suffering over the thought of staying at home all day.
Often times I thought of me being selfish for bringing an innocent in this weary world. I wonder if I can truly protect and can provide needs. If I can be a mother who can raise and grow a good citizen. I am just a bum. I am an anxious mom-to-be who wishes for nothing else but to free her child from mental and emotional problems so that he or she can handle the demands of the world. How could that possibly be with this kind of attitude?
My baby will surely kick my ass and slap me the hardest if he/she can read this blog right now. This is absolutely bad. I should be posting my happy thoughts and talk about contentment more than ranting. Anyway, I am undeniably fortunate for having them. I just can't deny this side. My apologies.
Anyway, today is Sunday...I have to go and clean my room. I am hoping to clean up my life and clear my mind the soonest I can for my baby and my man.