April 25, 2014

SAHM: Stay-at-hospital/home-mother

My very own Princess
2 years, 8 months and 20 days being a mother to this lovely daughter, but there are only 332 days of which that I become a full-time hands-on mother to her. The rest of the days, I spent time at the hospital to take care of  other people. Pursuing an MD degree isn't easy. We had to stay in the hospital for a 24 hour duty, 10 more hours of from duty status at the hospital before heading ourselves home; so we're given a 14-hr rest (that includes spending time with your love ones too) then go back for another 10 hour pre-duty status at the hospital then another 14 hour rest before the next duty starts. Physically tired, sleep deprived, mentally drained and emotionally tortured.

Becoming a doctor is a tough decision. A decision you actually have to renew again and again each time you feel like giving up. 

Going home tired and sleepy to your daughter whom you know waited for you maybe the worst feeling especially that instead of using part of your 14-hour rest in playing with her, you needed to work on your reports that is due the next day. On the other hand, how exhausting is it in your part that instead of sleeping straight through the night you have to wake up every 2 hours because you needed to change diaper or make a milk formula. 

I almost give up. Perhaps I really did in some point. But I stayed. I stayed becoming a physician and stayed being a mother in the hope that someday I'll be good with both. I'll make a way to make it all work. 

I'm staying. Someday, sacrifices will make sense. 

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