been blessed...

Hi everyone! I want you to meet my dear little princess... 

Ms. Charlotte Ivymarie E. Miranda

Birth Information

Date of Birth: August 4, 2011 by Caesarian Section

Place of Birth: Saint Gabriel Hospital (Arch. Gabriel Reyes St. Corner G. Pastrana St., Kalibo, Aklan

Time of Birth: 3:16 a.m

Birth Weight: 2.8 Kg

Birth Length: 48cm

Head Circumference: 33cm

You can always visit us anytime you want at http://tim-charlotteivymarie.blogspot.com

See you around :)

When death comes, I will never stand by your grave and I shall never weep

I saw all these things coming my way. Something I once desired while I was longing to live quietly…just quietly as quite as it could be for I know to live peacefully is something far beyond this way of life. I said I will never stand by your grave and I shall never weep. It is not my loss; never will be. For one good reason, I can never lose something that is not mine… You were never mine, I was never yours—the only certain about the two of us.

There are things that cannot be

Again, allow my honesty to be part of this ranting…

How could these things be possible? I crushed myself into the finest pieces that I could be to mold a brand new self. I exhausted myself running so when I ran out of air, I can breathe new ones.  I dropped thousands and tons of tears not to cleanse my soul but for me to be able to walk burden-free… so to envision life ahead of me. Did I fail? Did I?

I desired for nothing but of your death, by death I mean not to bury you six feet under the ground. I desire not of death alone that could vanish your existence but the downfall of walls we created for a supposed backbone of us, the same walls that imprisoned us for years and eventually walls that separated us.

It's been years we've chosen which side of wall to go--I went on the other side while you stayed--we freed ourselves from the worst that could happen. With that, we are both our own heroes.

Gone are the walls, weakened by time. But the dust blown by the wind as it falls down had stirred up the once forgotten emotion—hate and disgust overpowers us. Perhaps, this is what it takes if you create a wall out of a rotten reality. It all falls back to you. Chances are, you will inhale every dust of it and little by little will suffocate you until you find yourself floating down to the dumps.

Have I really been running away my life? Maybe I was just there on the other side of the wall waiting for it to fall down for me to see how far you have moved. Partly, I was there laughing my ass out to create atmosphere that could fan the flames of pain on your side. Perhaps on one part or another, you did exactly the same thing for me. I do not know.  But I guess that is not how we're playing the game. We actually started to live our own lives and finally we found the right person for each other. 

Well, to my surprise I never imagined this could be hard, irritating in a way--why am I so bothered hearing your wedding bells anyway? I should know, you can't actually stay alone right there. You're weak. 

Things are getting clearer our way, reality just sinks in--we been living our lives without each other anymore.

As the walls had fallen apart I saw the death I been waiting my life.  The superficial pain now on its deepest and I found myself trying to ease the pressure. One thing I could assure myself of, this time there will be no shattering, crushing, running, and crying. I had enough of it.

The death is here…starting to furnish each others disappearance…cleaning up!  a little more dust to sweep along the way…and everything will be good. I believe

Sisihan, Opinyon ulit... Kuha mo?

Noong nakaraang linggo lang, ipinalabas sa 100 days to heaven kung paano sisihin ng mag asawa si Madam Ana sa mga nangyari sa buhay nila. Una, sinisi nila si Madam Ana dahil nakunan ang babae, na kung tutuusin wala naman talagang kinalaman si Madam. Hindi naman kasi ipinaalam ng babae na buntis sya dahil natatakot sya. Sa simula't sapul alam nya na maselan sya kung magbuntis pero pinili nya pa rin makipagsapalaran. Anong kasalanan ni Madam Ana sa pagkakataong yon? Kung alam mo ng stress sau ang isang bagay at makakasama sau iwasan mo na dapat. Lalo na buhay ang nakasalalay.

Pangalawa, naghiwalay daw sila gawa ni Madam Ana. Sa relasyon wala namang dapat ibang sisishin. Kung mahal nyo ang isa't-isa walang madam ana ang makakapaghiwalay sa inyo. Kinalaunan, napag-alaman na hindi handa ang dalawa sa buhay may asawa. Naniniwala ako na labas na ang ibang tao sa isang relasyon. Kung may nanggugulo sa inyong relasyon kelangan nyo magpakatagatag kasi responsibilidad nyo ang isa't isa at responsibilidad nyo na panatilihing matatag ang relasyon nyo kahit ilang Madam ana pa ang dumating sa buhay nyo. 

Pangatlo, naging taong grasa ang babae dahil sa kalupitan ni Madam Ana. Oo nmn, hindi biro ang mga nangyari sa kanila. Sino bang hindi mababaliw. At hindi natin masisisi ang isang tao kung naging mahina sya sa mga pagsubok. Lahat tayo minsan gusto nalang mabaliw para wala na tayong maramdaman na sakit. Pero sana wag naman sisisihin kay Madam Ana lahat yong kamalasan nya. Hindi naman kasalanan ni Madam Ana kung ang napangasawa nya ay duwag at hindi matatag na sandalan. 

Sa buhay may mga pagsubok. Si Madam ana ay isang napakalaking pagsubok sa buhay ng mga taong nakapalibot sa kanya na dapat ay nagpapatatag sa kanila. Pero kabaligtaran ang nangyari, imbes na maging matatag at matuto ang mga tao naging mahina sila at naunahan sila ng galit. (Unang Opinyon ko tungkol dito.)

Ngayong gabi, may sisihan na naman. Sinisisi ng isang tao na kaya sila nalugmok sa kahirapan ay dahil hindi binili ni Madam Ana ang master piece nila?!? Negosyo nga di ba? bakit nila kelangan sisihin si Madam Ana sa lahat ng kamalasan sa mundo? Oo, kelangan nila ang pera kaya nila binenta ang master piece, bakit kelangan ba ang tulong sapilitan? At pag di tayo tinulungan ng tao na may kakayahang tumulong e pwde na tayong magalit? ang saya naman non di ba... Sana pumunta sila sa ibang toy company, baka may iba pang tao na pwdeng magtiwala sa sinasabi nilang master piece. Hindi rin naman magiging master piece at nag click yon sa masa kung hindi magaling si Madam Ana di ba? Kuha mo? Pag may product ba ako at hindi mo binili, pwde na pala akong magalit. So kelangan mo bumili kung ayaw mong gumanti ako sau? makuha ka sa tingin! ganon ba yon?

Hay, stress ka! 

Tayo ba e talagang pinalaki na manisisi ng kapwa natin tao. Na kelangan may ibang taong managot sa mga nangyayari sa buhay natin? Di ba kelangan marunong tayong tumanggap ng pagkatalo, at tumayo ng walang sinisisi. Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras pabor ang tadhana sa atin.

Kawawang Madam Ana, nagkataon na magaling at madiskarte lang sya sa buhay. Nagkataong sya ang nanalo...kaya yan lahat ng paninisi sa kanya na...ikaw na Madam ang magaling. Lahat na iyo, kahit ang sisi. hehe

Sana nakasalubong ko pala si Madam Ana sa kalye, tapos sininghalan nya ako para may rason akong sisihin na minalas ako dahil mataray sya at inapi nya ako :)

Maging responsable tayo sa mga nangyayari sa buhay natin, kung bumagsak man tayo kelangan natin bumangon. Hindi tayo bumagsak dahil may nagtagumpay. Hindi tayo gaganda kung tatabi lang tayo sa isang pangit. Hindi tayo malas dahil may taong sinuwerte sa buhay. 

Kung bumagsak tayo, pag isipan natin kung saan tayo nag kamali, dagdag pa nang konting effort,bumangon tayo.

Nong nag aaral pa ako, laging kong sinisisi si prof na terorista kung bakit ako bumabagsak. Nong huli naisip ko kahit naman terorista si titser kung magaling ako hindi ako babagsak e. Kung nag aaral ako at sapat ang oras na binibigay ko sa pag aaral makakapasa ako, wala yon sa ibang tao.

Kaya wag na tayong manisi ng kapwa natin. Bangon na lang tayo! kaya natin lahat ng pagsubok na walang sinisisi at walang binabalikan. Kung babalikan man natin sila, yon ay para pasalamatan sila sa pang aapi dahil kung hindi nila tayo inapi hindi tayo magsisikap na magtagumpay.

P.S.

Alam ko naman ang salitang "Pagkakataon lang ang kelangan ko para magtagumpay". Minsan yon lang naman talaga ang kelangan natin, ang Chance para maipakitang magaling tayo. Pero sa pagkakataong ito, paninisi sa kapwa ang nakikita ko kaya ito ang nasulat ko. Saka ko na ipagtatanggol ang "Chance lang kelangan ko" at "pinagkaitan ako ng pagkakataon kaya medyo miserable ang buhay ko".

Staying young

"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land." Peter Pan

 Apart the desire to look young is the eagerness to hold the innocence we once cling into—those days when we believed that life is beautiful. Those days when we never thought that our playground will soon be a battlefield. No one told us of that actually. Everyone has allowed us to enjoy and then soon after the pleasure was the surprises of seeing the unforeseen part of life—Failures, disappointment, and frustrations do exist. It is never easy to chase a dream unlike imagined.

Growing up, at times, is something we wish we can get rid of. There comes a time when we wanted to go back to the unrestricted world we once enjoyed during our childhood days. We sometimes long for those years when we know nothing about fear, when we ask instead of we search for an answer, when the only task that tired us was to arrange our toys in a shelf. Less troubled world. We are free of responsibilities, duties, and obligations. 

Being young also means the ability to solve tough problems because you are not baffled yet by the possibilities of failing. Focus was never an issue back then. Panic was never a part of life.  Thus, younger minds have better ideas. Sadly, some of us somehow lose the ability as we aged, as the roads we took distract us. 

To stay young.  It is the first thing we could ever wish for when our hearts are broken, whenever we are blamed, when we are discourage by life, when we are disappointed by our shattered dream,  and whenever we find ourselves astray amidst of nowhere.

When this kind of time will knock our day, it is not bad to pamper ourselves with everything we loved during our younger years. 
Walk down to the sea shore barefoot to collect shells
Climb a tree and have some time alone like there is no way for you to fall
Dance under the rain like no one cares
Have a break to play
Laugh out loud with old friends
Talk to someone younger than you
Remind yourself on how to laugh, how to make fun, how it feels like to be young. 
Freshen up your mind because there are times when we forget how to laugh.

It is not bad to laugh like a kid. Just set your limitation on how young you would go. What am I talking about? to follow peter pan to Neverland (it's your choice anyway). The idea of flying away to a magical world with Peter Pan is a fantasy of many because everyone wanted to stay young.  Despite my envy to him for he is embracing a world of fun, I never wanted to be like him. He is a man (?!? / a little man?!?)… Whatever! He is someone who did not take on the responsibility of adult life. He is now flying around the never land—no job, have not settle into a relationship, he is watching generations suffer as it comes and go. I wanted some of the things Peter does not want. I want to be one responsible grown-up, I want a job, and I want a relationship. Peter pan might embrace the joy and wonder of being young but has lost sight of the purpose—that part, I do not want to happen in my life.

Well, I do not really want to condemn Peter for what he is right now. Everyone has a purpose and choice. I want to respect them whatever it may be. I have my own and my purpose in life is to grow up and conquer life.

Gone are those days… Peter Pan is not going to fly to my window and will not take me to Never Land. If he will, I'll choose to stay here on my own real world. Here, I can stay adventurous—I can stay young at heart.

"Second to the right, and straight on till morning." Peter Pan

Happy Father's Day

Fathers are just wonderful in a million different ways.
My father...

• A simple man, he has no classy attribute, he is comfortable wearing worn-out clothes and slippers (sometimes of different colors already)  He is humble in many ways.
• A no-show man during PTA meetings, Closing exercises at school, Tribute to Parents program but he did surprised me when he showed up during my college graduation
• The man who don’t smoke, don’t drink… the only vice he is into is giving his roosters a quality time (instead of having moments with love ones) but never involved himself in any cockfighting event
• The man of sacrifice and works so hard just to provide his family with their needs and wants
• The man who spent half of his life as a military man but talks with patience and was never strict to us as expected by many…
• The man who seldom talk but whenever he does, he talks with humors
• The man who prefers silent whenever a harsh time knocks
• The man who never fought back his wife (hindi sya under-the-saya, mabait lang talaga sya).
• The man behind Boracay's Best...ADEL’S Polvoron

To my dear Papa,

This is for all those times that...
            you love me, although I am not worthy of "too much"…

            you gave me advice, but I raised my voice to argue instead…

            you gave me back my faith every time I lost a fight...

            you stood by me although I pushed you so hard so you’d go away...

            you held me although I wanted to be independent...

            I neglected your authority as my father...
            I took you for granted...

            I disappointed you...
            Down the line...
 
I am sorry

But

I love you Papa

I am proud of having a man like you...

Thank you for being you despite having a daughter like me…

Here's a Special Prayer for our Dads

Lord,please bless our fathers,
these men who mean so much to us,
who are greatly responsible
for who we are and who we are becoming.
Bless them for having the courage
to do what’s necessary to keep us out of trouble,
for making us do the right thing,
for helping us build our character,
even when it makes us angry;
and bless them for pushing us to do our best,
even when they just want to love us.
Bless our fathers for being our protectors,
for leading us through stormy times to safety,
for making us believe that everything will be all right
and for making it so.
Bless our fathers for quietly making a living
to provide for those they love most,
for giving us food, clothing, shelter
and other necessary and not so necessary material things,
for unselfishly investing time and money in us
that they could have spent on themselves.
Bless our fathers, Lord,
for saving some energy for fun,
for leading us on adventures
to explore the outer reaches of ourselves,
for making us laugh,
for being our playmates and our friends.
Bless them for being our secure foundation, our rock,
for holding on tight to us...until it’s time to let us go.
Lord, bless these men we look up to,
our role models, our heroes,
our fathers.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

By JoannaFuchs

Again, 
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
 

How good is it to be pretending all the time?

Pretending to be someone and something else isn’t a bad thing (not all the time). In nature, most of the living creatures camouflage to remain unnoticed by their predators. They tend to blend with the environment for protection so as to survive, often times remained immobile until predators were gone of their sight. 

Humans on the other hand wear this concealed mask called pretension. For some, pretending is a way of survival. The world is crazy! The more you show the world who you really are, the more they will be eager to see the other side of you. You should know what mask to wear on the right place and on the right time to the right crowd.

Then...consider that fact that the more you show real emotions (especially serious dreaded emotions) the more you condemned yourself to the losing side. One of my college professors always remind me not to present the negative side! (He was referring to my papers) but I think hiding the bad side is also of a good help to cope up with life. It can help you recover from pain easily. Because sometimes, it is the people around you who knows everything about you that can make things more complicated. there are times that even if you already moved on, the people around you will pull you back because there are people out there who find pleasure in your tears.

If pretending is not your business in life, if the term PRETENDING is not listed on your vocabulary as you say (because you think pretending is way of telling “I tricked on you!”) then better wear the poker face. Better to keep things neutral. Don’t react. Don't talk. Stay right in the middle of the situation. Think of first which way to go before moving. With this, you will not be held liable on fooling someone because you did nothing. I personally agree with this. Just like playing the cards where they keep poker face on to win the game by misleading the opponents into making false assumptions. By that, they can make their moves without distractions. 

In life we should learn tricks—a lot of ticks to survive. Pretending and Wearing a Poker face.

When my friends and I went to Tagaytay for a coffee, a performer outside the shop got me thinking about how good it was to be like him pretending. He is a white-faced man. His face concealed with thick make-up but his eyes spoke for him. 
Tired 
Exhausted 
Unhappy 
Ashamed
Yet he still tried to make us laugh. He showed enthusiasm, tried to make faces to entertain thus appeared good in front of the us. 

In one point I told myself he is a  kind of a strong man. He entertained regardless what he really feels that time. Maybe he is doing the same thing in his life. He faces the world everyday no matter how bad he feels. 

In another point, he reminds me of my weak soul…

I pretend to be happy although I am not (then complain why people don't understand me *grin*). Most of us laugh in the hope to produce tons of endorphins because laughter combats pain (not bad anyway). Yeah! Not so bad, we should do that laugh therapy.

What if we do this all the time?

We desire to find a hiding place simply because we don’t want people to know us. 
Most of the time we can’t hide from them so we wear mask instead. 
We want to show only the good side of us… as a STRONG person 
We all struggle to meet the world’s greatest expectation—to surpass life’s battle field. 

How good is it to pretend? 
If I pretend to be deaf, am I not going to hear anymore the rumors that discourage me to talk and speak out? 
If I pretend to be blind, am I not going to see anymore the things I intentionally outrun from the past? 
Is wearing a mask can also hide me from my own pain, aside from hiding those pain from the people who has no other desire than seeing me drown in agony? 

The problem comes not just when we hide from other people. 
The problem comes when we forget the reality. 
The problem comes when we lost in touch of our own selves because we overly pretend to be someone we are not. 
The problem comes when we don’t ask for help because we are afraid to be labelled as weak. 

I guess if it begins to hurt us then we have to take it off already. If we can no longer hear ourselves when we only intended to keep our voices from people in our fear of rejection and discrimination. If we can no longer sense ourselves when we should only be hiding it from people who is trying to harm us in one way or another. Take that mask off!

I don’t know exactly why this wearing a mask bothered me so much today. When I woke up this morning I feel so down…I got this superb emotion for no reason… yet I am fed up hearing people say “you should be fine, there is no reason not to”.   

I was thinking to pretend I’m SO FINE… I AM FEELING GREAT TODAY. YEAH!

Heading Towards the Finish Line

I'm on my last trimester with less than 10 weeks until the estimated date of delivery—sixty seven more days to go. I am looking forward to embrace the beauty (as well as the other side of it of course) of parenthood.

Sleepless and Midnight trips to the bathroom to empty my bladder became my way of life this trimester. Getting a good night sleep became difficult again. My bumpy belly (bigger than before) brings no comfort.  That’s why I’m here blogging this early (it's four in the morning).

I’m very excited at the same time a bit impatient about meeting my child. The wait is longer than it seems. I can’t imagine myself waiting for another 10 more weeks.  Taking too long...

Along this waiting are my questions and fears. I can't pretend everything is fine. I have worries, too.

My “seem to be endless list of concerns” include…  

1. The fear of the unknown. While people around me are so eager to know of my baby’s gender. I am, on the other hand, is quite worried if my child is normal. Being once in a class of embryology, paediatrics, Obstetrics, gynaecology, genetics I am aware of certain possibilities. I wonder from day to day if my baby will be and is perfectly fine. 

2. The possibility of having serious complications during delivery aside from developmental failure. I’m praying for a trouble-free birth.

3. If I can cope up the pain of labor. What if I’ll collapse?!?  I’m just holding on to the fact that millions of women survived labor and delivery pain.Pain is temporary... It is! it really is! 

4. Financial aspect is getting on my way. I think of diapers, formula, clothing, bedding, cribs, toys, and much more. I should be preparing them, but I haven’t started yet. I wanted everything done before the baby arrives but we need to save for hospital bills and emergency medical cases instead.

5. Relationship with my partner, family and friends. My baby will surely bring changes. A lot of changes. I hope I can handle the pressures other than the things I listed on my post Bits and Pieces of me --things I already accepted that those will no longer be part of my life anymore. 

6. The Grandparents are going to "take-over" my child. My baby's grandparents from both sides are just as excited. What if they will re-live their early parenthood days and not allow me to feel the beauty of being a first-time mom? But I can’t deny the fact that needed help and they know best. I can really sense clash of ideas between us soon.

7. Worry that I won't be good mother. I guess I’ll just wait for my baby so my parenting instincts will kick in. 

8. Worry if we could provide. We are definitely challenged to offer the best of this world. The protection, the comfort, a good future, the necessary guidance, and less the fear of being alone.

9.  Going back to Med School. Being a “supposedly Soon-to be MD” (currently a Mom-to be), out of school and a super bum for that matter, I doubt if going back to school will still be an option after I gave birth. Although I have plans, going back won’t be easy anymore. I wonder who will look after my child and if I am strong enough to sacrifice.

10. The least I could ever think of is my physique. I’ve been feeling looking exhausted becoming the most ugly woman in our town. I never seen the motherly glow they’ve been talking about.  I got this nose like of Rudolph the red-nose reindeer; I got swollen ankles, my neck turned dark, etc.. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind of a supermodel neither the beach bum who wears two-piece prior my pregnancy. I’m not, but confidence lessened a bit. I’m starting to hate skinny pretty ladies my age.

  

Albeit all these fears is the simple truth that I am overjoyed. I know I can do better than all these. Looking forward to see my first born sometime in August.  

the day I Captured Nemo

The three things I remember from the movie FINDING NEMO:

1. We live our lives as if we only got two options: We either stay in a comfortable zone where it is obviously safer or take the risk to go out where there is adventure. Most of the time for most of us, we choose the power to go out and tend to show everyone how brave we are.

Marlin: Nemo! You’re gonna get stuck out there and I’ll have to go get you before another fish does. Get back here! Get back here now! Stop! You make one more move, mister…

[Nemo lifts his fin]
Marlin : Don’t you lay a fin on that boat! Don’t you dare touch that boat! Don’t you…
[Nemo touches the boat]
Marlin : Nemo! 

2. Life, in one thing or another, never fails to surprise us with a lot of challenge. We have so many things to learn in order to survive and we can learn most of these as we venture. The movie said; when things get tough just keep on swimming. We are all like little nemo (perhaps big daddy Marlin) in this big wide world, it is indeed scary meeting different creatures along the way (mean creatures) We should not allow fear to stop us. We should never give up when life becomes scary.  
There will come a time we needed to go out, no matter how we resist not to (for those who preferred to stay in their comfort zone) Get motivated and be inspired by people around you to get life going.

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. 

3. Our parents love us no matter how hard headed we are. 

Marlin:There, there, there. It's ok, Daddy's here, daddy's got you. I promise I will never let anything happen to you...Nemo. 

The movie showed the father’s fear for the safety of his children. Every family member I think has an instinct to provide and protect each other. We should not take this for granted. Don’t put yourself in so much trouble just because life is an adventure and because you know your family will protect you in the end. Just imagine the pain and the risk it will bring them. 
In addition, there are those who became rebel because they failed to realize that overly protective parent have no intention other than the safety of their children.

One thing I also noticed: 

We are sometimes like Marlin. We refuse to be challenged. Despite the lessons we learned from the past, we tend to be reluctant to face another that gets our way.  But lessons are nothing if we can't apply them in our real lives. knowing a thing is way different than doing it.

But here is my own version of finding Nemo adventure… 
(Traveling back in time years ago)

I found myself shouting “nemo!!!!... Nemo!!!!... Where are you my dear nemo?!?” *very desperate under the heat of the sun along the intertidal zone of Taklong Island* 
From time to time, a teenage boy named “Tata stephen” the young bankero to whom I trusted my life with while I'm in that island would say “Palitan mo na kasi ang study mo Nang, mas madaming Sea urchins... Sea stars...blah blah blah”. A brilliant suggestion. True. Finding nemo wasn’t easy. It’s like a “search for a one peso coin… a coin at the bottom of the not-so-deep intertidal zone”. 

 

At times, I agreed with Tata and was tempted to propose another topic for my special study. But I did not, because I was told by my adviser after my preliminary sampling “that’s a good sign Tim, I’m happy with the progress” after I told  him  I have seen only one clownfish… I’ve seen one little tiny clown fish after a day of boating/ a little diving/snorkeling around the Island.What a progressed!

 My special study  entitled “The species, composition, distribution and abundance of Clownfish along the Intertidal Zone of Taklong Island and Vicinity, Nueva Valencia, Guimaras" brought me to Taklong that year. Studying a community structure of a certain species back then was easy, to find nemo wasn't.

It wasn’t that fun but full of adventure. Aside from the main search was the threat of meeting Mr. Coral snake. We actually met one time and it was the funniest day I had in that Island. I hurriedly jumped back to the boat as fast as I can because of panic. I still can't imagine myself. I’m sorry for not presenting my self well, mister!

On our way to Taklong Island

 Motivated by the words “good sign and progress” *so sweet*, we made a lot of a total census until finally found them. And lucky enough to found just exactly like this one (I’m using a cheap, not to mention plastic made, underwater camera of avon [toinks!] so I never got a good picture for my own, sucks!):

So adorable! Mama Clownfish, Papa Clownfish, and Baby clownfish…isn’t a perfect picture of a family?

I captured one of the three, went back to UPV marine station with the rest of the Amphiprions that I got that day then had it measured and documented. While doing the record, I thought of the nemo I separated from its family. I felt guilty and felt sad for the two I left in the field. 

A lot of people were separated from their families for unwarranted reason. Like the nemo family, they were there living in harmony when I found them. They’ve done no harm to me but I disturbed their sanctuary.

I thought of the other two: What if they’ll transfer to another anemone because I already scared them. What if one of them gets their way to look after the one I captured? Not so realistic but well… I rushed myself to finish my documentations and headed my way to the field so I can bring the Amphiprions back to where exactly I got them. Losing a close family member is a truly devastating experience for most of us. I don't want to be the kind of person behind a tragic story.

I also realized the importance of spending quality time with family--to cherished each moment with them. Life, again and again, is full of surprises. We can never tell how precious a person is to us until gone. We don't have to wait for that moment. Most of the time, losing someone special to us is something beyond our control. So we really have to exert effort to make good memories with them.

Honestly, I have a lot of catching-ups and connecting to do here...

By the way, My Study was a success.  Thanks God.

Too Much

The colors we choose make statements about our personality. Colors represent what we feel. We wear bright colors when we are happy, we wear dark when we express grief, traditional wedding gowns are white because it signifies purity. It is as if by wearing colors we blend in and by blending in we feel we found a place for ourselves.

Color	Meaning
RED	warmth,love,anger,danger,boldness,excitement,speed,strength,energy,determination, desire,courage
ORANGE	cheerfulness,affordability,enthusiasm,stimulation creativity,aggression
YELLOW	attention-grabbing,comfort,liveliness,cowardliness,hunger,optimism,overwhelm, intellect
GREEN	durability,reliability,environmental,luxurious,optimism,well-being,nature,calm, relaxation,safety,honesty,optimism,harmony,freshness
BLUE	peace,professionalism,loyalty,reliability,honor,melancholia,boredom,coldness,depth, stability,professionalism, honor,trust
PURPLE	power,royalty,nobility,elegance,sophistication,artificial,luxury, mystery royalty, elegance,magic
GRAY	conservatism, traditionalism, intelligence, serious, dull, uninteresting
BROWN	relaxing,confident,casual,reassuring,nature,earthy,solid,reliable,genuine,endurance
BLACK	authoritative,powerful,Elegance,sophistication,formality,strength,depression,
WHITE	Cleanliness, purity, newness, virginity, peace, innocence, simplicity, sterility

http://changingminds.org

Colors are also said to influence our emotions, affect our mood, our actions and how we respond to various people. I should have leave my room made of palochina woods to influence my everyday life with its natural scent and fresh color. Stay simple. But it seems that apart from the individual colors we appreciate comes a notion that a monochromatic world makes no difference  to a boring world. 

Lifeless. 

 

I wanted a life and I wanted something that I could present to the world. I agreed to paint the room with different colors. Everything I actually did was an attempt to be happy...to be happier.

Remembering the day I (we) painted my (our) room with colours.

We colored the ceiling with green which signifies peace, the ideal real-world, it is said to offer some sense of renewal and self-control. We lined the room with purple which is calming to minds. We painted the wall with brown which says stability, reliability, and approachability. Part of the wall was painted with pink which is young in the hope it can bring us fun and excitement. 

We painted the room with colors that represent all the things we desire.

We painted the whole room like the way we wanted to add color to our relationship. Just like that, we failed to appreciate what we got because we occupied ourselves in wanting MORE. We kept ourselves busy by searching for greater things until we lost the great ones that we already had. 

It's not lifeless at all. It's the mere fact that we are not satisfied with what we got. As today’s trend in life is discontentment, we are inclined to want MORE…MORE…and MORE.

That Palochina woods were supposed to remind us the beauty of simplicity... until such time... we realized we can make it better (not a bad intention actually).  We went through a lot of cravings--searching--demanding--before we knew it, everything was gone.

I thought painting the room with different colors could change the people inside--us to become better. I thought painting the wall could add colors to our life as well. I was wrong.

 “We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

The trick is to simplify our life—to appreciate what we got. Let the colors bloom itself, don't dictate the destiny on what kind of color to apply in your life. Don't make life complicated by overlooking simple things.

That Woman...

Sketched by my high school friend, Merwin Abello

She was once the woman of determination
She once had the courage to conquer what is ahead of her
Strong as she was
She once a picture of a woman who stood undisturbed amidst circumstances

Time passed by her
She remained where she was until rusted
Until discouraged by her own fate
She lost it all
She remained hanging on that same wall
She remained just a picture

She forgot who she was
She even forgot where she came from
And then she forgot what she wanted to be

Forgotten by all
She abandoned her old self

That woman
Behind the picture is a woman wanting to live again
she wanted to bring with her the courage and determination she once had
She wanted to be the woman
...that woman

Time travel: The Search for FUNGI at Negros Occidental

Negros Occidental, the Philippine’s major sugar producer is not all about sugar canes. Being the one who wanted to travel the world but has the desire to explore her own country first, Negros Island/Bacolod City is on my list. I heard a lot of good stuffs. (The truth is) I simply wanted to see a real land of sugar canes. Unfortunately, the first time I set my foot in that land was not for an adventurous nature trip but it turned out like one. We were there to collect FUNGI. Yes! FUNGI. 

Mycology class (2003-XXXXX)

Division of Biological Sciences, University of the Philippines

Looking wasted...Why? because I was so excited that I  had fallen to sleep only an hour before the trip (it was my first time to travel to Negros Island). My friends had a hard time waking me up that morning...so i have to got up from bed, changed clothes, grabbed my bag and ran ourselves to the Ilo-ilo pier to catch a scheduled trip going to Bacolod City (no bathroom rituals) whew!

Who cares about an old man driving an old and worn out non-air-conditioned mini bus on a rough  and uphill road when you got a fascinating scenes along the way. That adds a travel worth remembering…a very usual experience when you travel to provinces where transportation is quite a problem. At first, I doubted if we can reach our destination (we did though). So there goes an adventure from Bacolod City to Negros Occidental—having a trip with a potential danger. 

Scenes along our way to Guintubdan Mountain Resort

Negros Occidental is a very old place—aside from the rough roads are the well-reserved Hispanic and ancestral houses, old churches, old buildings that echo the lifestyle of people century ago. Too bad we never had the chance to visit each place because and again we have a lot of fungi to collect.

A Perfect destination for nature enthusiasts: 

Location: Sitio Guintubdan, Bgy. Ara-al, La Carlota City, Negros Occidental

A tropical hideaway beneath a canopy of forest where you can enjoy the cold weather, fresh air, springs, waterfalls, giant trees, ferns, among others.

over night stay at Guintubdan resort with the rest of the class

We also visited The Quiet Place Farm Resort...

The Quiet Place Farm Resort,an agricultural estate in Bago City

For our eyes only:

• Mini gym and covered court
• boating on the lake
• biking through the paved path walks

Because the reasons why we visit Quiet place Farm resort was to collect samples of FUNGI. The place is where Ganoderma Lucidum is cultured owned by one of the UP Alumnus. 

We actually experienced to walk-through in a forest of tropical tree, passed by rice fields, passed through the rows of banana trees, we enjoyed garden filled with tropical blooms while collecting samples.

It was fun...