..what we do, what we have, what we are, all depends upon what we think...
There are many instances in my life wherein my subconscious mind, perhaps, warned and informed me regarding how my future will be yet I disregarded them all those times.
When I was in my 4th year high school, my adviser asked me to write a Class Prophecy. It only took me a night to finish my 10 pages article. I wrote down every single thing that crossed my mind. The first paragraph goes this way:
“Everything seems weird; all I remember was that I am a high school student of Maloco National High School. I thought it was just yesterday—time is so fast. I can’t believe myself I am entering a room with a sign on a door saying “the Doctor is IN” Cristy May B. Espańola, M.D. I am wearing a knee-length white gown and a stethoscope hangs on my shoulder. And on my hand I got a plane ticket to Aklan. I am going home after 10 long years—it is been such a long time I haven’t heard from my friends…”
There goes my prophecy. After reading my piece in public during our JS Prom, someone sit beside me and asked “Are you serious you will not be home for 10 LONG YEARS, where will you be by then?” I just shrugged my shoulders--i dont know.
Today, I wanted to see that curious man and tell him that I already got a good reason why I am not going home—one great reason of not going home.
On April 14, 2002 I wrote a journal about my fantasy of studying at the University of the Philippines. During those times, I was not yet sure of pursuing on a Medicine degree due to financial instability. So I set my mind to study nursing instead and go abroad to seek greener Pasture.
That same school year, I took an entrance exam at West Visayas State University for a degree in Nursing and at the same time, I did took the chance of applying in the UP for a pre-med course. I did pass both the exams but still I hold on to my decision of studying nursing till my mother told me I can go to U.P. and study medicine afterwards. There, that was the best news i ever heard.
On the night of April 14, 2003 –that was a year after, I was packing my things and getting ready to attend the U.P. summer bridge program the following day.
Recently, I remember in our literature class, we were asked to write a short story —topics that interests us will greatly do. A simple test on our imaginations. Then, I decided to write an article entitled “BUTTERFLY”—a sad ending story. It is all about how life being so unfair—like a caterpillar who struggled to climb up a tree, who wished someday to become a beautiful butterfly flying free from one garden to another, enjoying the nature and God’s blessings. A calm caterpillar working alone, strong and determined but unaware of the fact that she lives in an unjust big world—upon reaching the perfect place where she can undergo metamorphosis—the awaited moment of her life—poor caterpillar was attacked by a cruel hungry flying creatures. Deprived of something you struggled for after all the sacrifices you made.
Let us just put it this way, some of us struggle yet often times we failed. others just sit down but got everything they need in just one snap.
This is the way of the world of telling us life is unfair and living is a risk. We are indeed judged by our actions and people around us failed to recognized our intentions. We often times underestimate slow and sluggish people but we never know their intentions and potentials. Who are we to misjudge other people anyway? Do we have the right to judge one another?
I continued the story and relate it with the life of poor charlotte. A young woman who been the best among people in her place—young as she was, she died of leukemia. Well, I hope it won’t happen to me—dying of leukemia!
The story of charlotte also has its own sad romance. She was supposed to marry his childhood buddy in months and afterwards will enroll in a college of medicine at school nearby. But his fiancé happens to marry another woman (sounds familiar huh!) and she found out about her illness.
When I wrote the story, I have no idea that what happens to charlotte will partly happen to me so soon. Though I am luckier than her, I still got chance to live because I decided to live. Maybe if I am weak, I'll be like Charlotte who dies after a love death.
Everything happens with a silent alarm. i keep ignoring it before but starting today I should be more aware of things that crosses my mind. Things I never intend to say might be someday become meaningful. There is always a meaning behind every dream we made.
Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com
I dreamed of peace, and I quest for the inner one. I wished to wake up one morning free of fear and hesitation to face the world. Walk onward to welcome life as what it is— define it as a place where pain and happiness conspires to make a better world. Later in my existence, I wished to be remembered not as the weakest person like what I am today—I desired for a tougher persona..jpg)
How I yearn to be the child in solitude. Perhaps I am just scared of what I am right now making me feel the eagerness to go back in silence..jpg)
Running away from here is tiring. This is reality and I know very well there is no way for me to run away... so I press on and fight to live. 
