June 19, 2007

Meaningless Poetry

I love to write, although I know I am not good at it. I wrote these poems out of nowhere when I was still in high school. I never dedicate this to anyone… but Alchel had given me a good reason to dedicate some of my poems for him. I am not hoping he could read this… for I know, he already erased me completely in his life—the saddest truth as of now. And what’s my point for showing this… I just wanted to let the world know that I am true to him and I am keeping my words.
For someone who told me that I fooled and cheated on him… perhaps, it’s the other way around. It was him who cheated me. I am not happy for that—but there is no way for me to regret that I love him still and there is no reason for me to hate him. Someday, I’ll be the happiest person seeing him in his chosen life… my feeling won’t fade that easy.
For someone who told me that I should find someone to replace him … I am sorry, I may be stupid for loving him this much. But I can’t love somebody else if I still love him. You can never love two people at a time… I am not going to revenge by doing the same thing he did… I am not a cheater and am not going to cheat myself either.
For someone who told me that my parents is not good for raising me and I don’t have a proper breeding… guess what, I am thinking of the same thing for you… for you who been so happy insulting me and who is now rejoicing that Al finally fooled me and used me… thank you very much for representing his family that way… I am so glad to know you. God bless for your plan to investigate my background J
PS: don’t mind my grammar… wheheehehehe

SOMEONE (2002)

In the middle of the night,
Where the stars shine so bright;
I am thinking of someone under the moonlight,
In a place…so calm… so dark
I’m all alone lying in my bed.
Remembering the words someone said.
The last time this someone bid;
Goes on and on inside my mind
I can’t stop these falling tears,
That someone brought…so hard to bear.
I just want this someone will hear;
Just how much I still care.
If only I am given a chance to wish;
It could be for some I miss.
Hope he gone remember his promises;
Words that broke my heart into pieces
So much that I need to say,
Since the day this someone walk away.
But I have to find my own way;
I have to start a new day.

WHEN YOU LEFT… (APRIL 20, 2002)

I don’t like to see the sun that shine…
I don’t like to feel the raindrops pour…
Even take a look at people that smile…
Or hear the birds that sing.
I just wanted to change the ways of the world;
Let the nature vanish that I once behold.
Then throw away the memories I keep for long and hold;
Let the book of my life will be forever close.
I don’t want to go back in places where our special memories are;
All I want is to say goodbye and travel in so far;
To forget all the pains and so I can’t start,
My dream-to-be…expected but shattered life.
All this stupid thought that started to came out of my mind;
When you hurt me by just leaving me behind
Things were so hard to explain… so hard to give meaning.
All I know—how wanted to stop time.
I cant forget the day we met…
Till the day you left;
That was what I called moments;
Although the last day really hurts
Sooner of later I will forget you—I guess.
Not those happy days.
Surely it will be miss…
Empty moments were now hard to fill.

I’LL WAIT (MAY 27, 2002)

I am crying for I am scared to lose you,
When in fact I already do
You’re gone for such a long time
But I can hardly believe you are not mine.
I dreamed but turned to nothing,
I knew its wrong but I expect for something.
I always ask although I lost everything;
I am tired but I keep on waiting.
Yes, I am waiting for nothing—I know
So stupid, there is no courage to let go
The feeling that I allowed to grow
Stranger and stronger in my soul
I don’t know where this love would take
Or what this foolishness will make
All I know is that I’ll forever wait
For you… and for love’s sake

BEST IN THE WEST (MAY 31, 2002)

Every time I see the sun that sets
I came to think of my past years;
Those days of joy and times of laughter,
Those memories of fears and moments of tears
Every time I watch the sun decline
I remember on old friend of mine
A person who dwells inside my heart
And been the best part of my life
Yes, in the direction of the west
Where the sun starts to take its rest
I saw the portrait of my memories
That reminds me a picture of kindness
In the west I found the real place,
In was the home of my spirit
Indeed the world of happiness
Where my memories are kept

FREEDOM (2002)

It is almost the end of the day
Surroundings dwindle to darkness.
The disappearance of the sun,
Sets together with our funs
The birds are flying in the sky,
I am watching them while I cry
It reminds me when you said goodbye
When I gave your wings, so you can fly
I saw your ship sailing away
You may go… I give you all your way
You are free to cruise the bay
You are free—it’s all I can say
This freedom I give to you is not because I don’t love you
But because all I can and I will do
Even for thing that will make my life so blue
And will surely hurt me too

I AM SORRY (JULY 3, 2002)

I have done something wrong
Yet I don’t know how to be strong
Sometimes I sing a sad song
Often times I think of you all day long
Loving you made me free
And letting you go is not easy
It made my life go crazy…
One thing that brought me in misery
You let me feel the love so pure
But letting you go made me no fool
Though I entered and trapped in a hole
Hole of aches that only you can cure
My heart broke into pieces…
Seeing the place I should take
But she already has my space
Indeed—so hard to face all these
I just wanted to say a little word,
Not that I am in this lonely world
I recalled the happiness you brought
And all the good things you taught
I am sorry—that’s the word I mean

I LOVE YOU (March 14, 2002)

Stupid of all word
But it completes my world
I’ve seen you several times—
With the one you truly love
But I am hoping it was just a lie
And someday you’ll realize
That I am the one inside your heart…
But even though how long I tried
I think I am not going to have a chance
It’s because YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND;
THAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Though you don’t feel the same way that I do

 I QUEST FOR LOVE AND PEACE (JUNE 5, 2002)

I’m a gardener that turned into a hunter
That dwells in the garden of anger;
A place surrounded with fence of fears
A garden with nothing but dead flowers
I am looking for a precious seed;
That will bear the fruits of good deeds.
Yet I can’t find what I need;
Because of the obstructive weeds of hatred
I quest for an elusive love and peace,
So that I can freely live
But I am more than of the birds in a cage,
I am a prisoner of an earthly rage
I trued to search for the seed around
Truly it was hard to find
I guess it is so far from a distance
So far not to find inside my heart
But though it wearies me so much
I’ll never give up in taking a chance
Time will come for me to find a plant
And scattered in this troubled land.

RAIN (JULY 12, 2002)

Sometimes I love its sound;
The noisy sounds on the ground
Often times, hatred is what I can find;
That roars deep within my heart
It is always a picture of grim,
It always makes the cloud so dim
But for trees it is a music to be sing
For some, it was a lifetime blessing
Rain indeed a mystery of life,
It is one of heaven’s significant
Though it darkens the cloud above
It led us to the rainbow of love.


DREAM (JULY 29, 2002)

Oftentimes when I fall asleep,
Winds would bring me in a lighted place
Sailing to the world of wondrous lies,
Indeed I am dreaming of you and me
You’re the man I always dreamed of
Yet a mystery to unfold
I felt so warm but you’re so cold
You’re on my dream but not on my road
It was such a wondrous dream
Like a water flowing down the stream
It was nicest among all things
That made me kept to ignore the mornings
You’re the dream that I keep on dreaming
A man I always keep on thinking
You’re all the lies I believe
Yes… you were just a dream

Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com

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