May 26, 2010

It feels so bad to know what to do but doesn’t know how to make it happen"

I feel numb while struggling to convince myself that practicality as flexibility is way ahead than spending my time being in despair. I once thought to resolve in doing what is best and what is right. But the thing is I honestly had no idea what I’m talking about. I don’t know how it is to be best and how is it to be right. It feels like having a car in one’s garage, you got the key, you discerned where to go but the problem is you don’t know how to drive.

I can talk with Ideas. I got them; it may be wrong for some or can be good to others. Indeed even the smallest and the invisible thing (I am actually referring to what we called “ideas in our minds”) can actually drive us crazy, isn’t it? Believe me, it feels so bad to know what to do but doesn’t know how to make it happen.

Look, what is happening right now in my life is very serious but this time I am not taking it that way because if I will I’ll be mad like no other. The way I see things—some parts of my life and my dream had fallen into a “not so right place”. To fall apart is just a start of a story, but to get going? It is another that I haven't started yet. But one of life’s ironies is that we’re all trying to balance everything. It takes a lot of effort to level off bad and good that’s why life has its ups and downs no matter what you do—just the way of it. sitting on a see-saw is not fun if two great forces will not let each side feel how it is to be down or will not allow feeling the rush of going up. It was not meant to be that way. So as to life, it is not a “life” without all this bits and pieces that pressed a person to be down and eventually pushed them to go up once again.

The hardest deal in my life is happening. But I'm actually thinking of those that happened before hand of this, isn’t it also had been the hardest? I guessed I’m entering another level of difficulty. It is like facing a horror  one after another and it is making me stronger than I thought.

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