always wanting the “other” thing

In 2007, a long and  a winding road had given me enough reason to sign up for a site. "cristymay.multiply.com" became my hiding place, my bin for my trashes, my megaphone for my shouts. It was always a relief by then to hang out online and let go of ramblings from time to time. Those were the times I felt I was heard and understood because a lot of my contacts tend to connect with me almost sincerely. My posts gathered comments like “yeah, I know how it feels” or  I always had a shoulder tap from a friend the very next day while saying “hey, I read your blog”.

In 2009 I decided to concentrate on posting pictures than posting blog entries in the thought that pictures do make a thousand of words. For three years I posted 158 photo albums all in all. Not bad for someone like me who only got a 2.0 mega pixel camera phone to take pictures.

But sometimes too much of connections can be annoying especially readers tend t visit for an update or to clarify the gossips they just heard and not really into relating their lives into yours. My hiding place became crappy. So I longed for privacy. As a result I limited myself on just posting pictures at multiply then transferred all my blog entries at blogger where no friends follow me.

Now that I'm having the privacy that I wanted, I'm feeling stupid that no one responses on my posts. I was wondering if there is someone out there who reads my posts. I wonder how it feels again to be understood and be heard. Sometimes i just reassure myself that I don't need readers at all because I am writing to help myself in making attributions on tricky situations.

The bottom line of this is that I am a natural being who will never have a sense of satisfaction—always wanting the “other” thing.