Under Control

Three weeks of mentally somewhere in the middle of nowhere and three days physically out of the hospital...crap this life!

Im on a battle of ignoring the life I made myself. This is actually way too complicated than what I expected. Big trouble out of a little fun. hey! Things should'nt be this serious!

Things like this, happens, the least you expect (Trying to justify my situation).

Its not as easy as saying "I dont care" because no matter how may times I utter those lines to convince myself, I get tortured by reality. I do care. I am affected by actions, voices, words, stares, treatments of each and everyone.

Tortured by the need of not letting people know that I am hurting. At the very least, not to let them know reasons behind. And each time they notice there is something wrong, I easily sugar coat sadness by saying "I'm just tired" making it easier for me to avoid explaining myself because no one will question why Im tired.

Hurting because I once fell. I'm pained. I'm trapped. And Im like the kind of a patient who"ll say "I can't remember what happen" to all your queries because I don't want to remember. Simple as that. Time,date, place, nature has nothing to do on how you will treat me, or perhaps, knowing things from me will only make you add more insult which will aggravate unwanted situations. So... what choice do I get? Neither wont be a help.

I'm keeping myself in silence, instead. Ignore things around me, act like Im not seeing things that causes my heart suffer, go on like I don't hear words  that is hurting. ---too weak to accomplished all these plans yet.

My only fear is replacing this pain with anger, i can probably punch someone's face then (someone who is not affected at all!) for being part of this craziness too (kidding).

I'm wearing my blazer on again, not today, tomorrow  maybe. I will.

Ill get use to this. Ill get use with people and things around me. I wont be jelous, wont be mad, wont be crazy.

I left myself with only one choice.  I'll deal with the consequences which I actually anticipated from the very start. I'm not making this my unfinished business. This will end.

Face the situation, accept what is needed, and move on.

Be brave, my dear self.




"You can't control your emotions, but you can control your action" 

Love affair

To cross the line and to go beyond the boundaries, that is what friends do: Two people enjoying the comfort being between a serious relationship and being just a simple friend. Such relationship do exists but how could that possibly be safe? Physically, emotionally, Spiritually, Socially and morally it is not healthy, obviously. It is beyond norms thus it is one of the relationships that you can never be proud of. 

How about being in a friends-with-benefits-zone while the two of you are in a serious relationship with someone else? Infidelity. It is way too complicated. Complicated relationship made even more complicated. Sounds sad. Sounds irritating. Sounds real.

Since our culture dictated us what is supposed to be the right relationship, anything beyond is considered unacceptable. A violence to each and everyone around, even a violence to people who has nothing to do in your life.

Behind the line "relationship just happened" is a deeper reason why people gets involved with one another. Whatever that is, who are we to judge them? 

Is it Love? Happiness? Security? Boredom? Hate? Insecurity? what then? 

We all have our reasons.  Love sometimes is not enough. You want to feel being wanted and accepted. You're just happy with that someone.  Perhaps, that physical attraction every single time your eyes met is way too strong that you can't resist. Any reasons do. Maybe, its a way of getting even to those who have hurt you. It can be just a plain curiosity.

Falling in love with someone else is a choice, falling out of love is also a choice, to keep the relationship is a choice, and what relationship to keep is as well a choice. But an affair is an affair, the choice to make it serious is uncertain. 

Standing between the boundary of a serious relationship and friendship is fun. but you can't stand there forever. While you are still in that boundary, there are things to remember:

• Don't fall in love. This is just an affair and this won't last. 
• Accept the fact that there is no real love in affair, if there is,  then it is no longer an affair. Hopes of leaving the primary relationship will never happen. If one of you does, THINK again.
• Expect something worse. You're cheating (yes! a serious act of cheating) so the one you cheated on can leave you anytime and you have no chance to save the relationship. you can be forgiven, you can't be trusted.
• Keep it a secret. This is a relationship you can never be proud of. No one will be proud of you and no one will praise you how good a cheater you are. Chances are, you'll soon be losing friends and getting their eyebrows raise. Wear that poker-face and act there is nothing between the two of you. 
• keep it simple. Since this is a no-strings-attached kind, there's no need to demand for anything especially for time and attention. So you shouldn't be complaining and there should be no explaining.
• No messages, no emails, no comments on social media, just nothing.
• Protect your health. This is not all about having fun in bed. Think of getting STDs. 
• You can't be jealous. You can't be emotionally involved. Go back to the first bullet

If you can't live with  guilt. Don't get involve! End it then, the soonest you can

Happy Father's Day

Fathers are just wonderful in a million different ways.
My father...

• A simple man, he has no classy attribute, he is comfortable wearing worn-out clothes and slippers (sometimes of different colors already)  He is humble in many ways.
• A no-show man during PTA meetings, Closing exercises at school, Tribute to Parents program but he did surprised me when he showed up during my college graduation
• The man who don’t smoke, don’t drink… the only vice he is into is giving his roosters a quality time (instead of having moments with love ones) but never involved himself in any cockfighting event
• The man of sacrifice and works so hard just to provide his family with their needs and wants
• The man who spent half of his life as a military man but talks with patience and was never strict to us as expected by many…
• The man who seldom talk but whenever he does, he talks with humors
• The man who prefers silent whenever a harsh time knocks
• The man who never fought back his wife (hindi sya under-the-saya, mabait lang talaga sya).
• The man behind Boracay's Best...ADEL’S Polvoron

To my dear Papa,

This is for all those times that...
            you love me, although I am not worthy of "too much"…

            you gave me advice, but I raised my voice to argue instead…

            you gave me back my faith every time I lost a fight...

            you stood by me although I pushed you so hard so you’d go away...

            you held me although I wanted to be independent...

            I neglected your authority as my father...
            I took you for granted...

            I disappointed you...
            Down the line...
 
I am sorry

But

I love you Papa

I am proud of having a man like you...

Thank you for being you despite having a daughter like me…

Here's a Special Prayer for our Dads

Lord,please bless our fathers,
these men who mean so much to us,
who are greatly responsible
for who we are and who we are becoming.
Bless them for having the courage
to do what’s necessary to keep us out of trouble,
for making us do the right thing,
for helping us build our character,
even when it makes us angry;
and bless them for pushing us to do our best,
even when they just want to love us.
Bless our fathers for being our protectors,
for leading us through stormy times to safety,
for making us believe that everything will be all right
and for making it so.
Bless our fathers for quietly making a living
to provide for those they love most,
for giving us food, clothing, shelter
and other necessary and not so necessary material things,
for unselfishly investing time and money in us
that they could have spent on themselves.
Bless our fathers, Lord,
for saving some energy for fun,
for leading us on adventures
to explore the outer reaches of ourselves,
for making us laugh,
for being our playmates and our friends.
Bless them for being our secure foundation, our rock,
for holding on tight to us...until it’s time to let us go.
Lord, bless these men we look up to,
our role models, our heroes,
our fathers.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

By JoannaFuchs

Again, 
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
 

My almost lover

There seem to be no acceptable defense why an unfaithful individual exists. Exploring new emotional break outside a relationship is very common in this day and age. Losing your partner to your best friend is possible almost everyday. Why? Like most of you, I should have known already but I haven’t. It happens. To reason out is pointless because reasons are beyond our understanding and since it is beyond then it is something we can barely agree to.

“We are both happy living our own lives. Before you came, I just started to embrace the kindness of the world that once I’m deprived with. I started to see the beauty of life. I just gave myself a chance to feel happy by letting him in into my life.”

To love and be love back is the greatest desire of all.

 “The day I saw you is the day I lost sight of him. It’s the day I realized that we're not meant for each other because that day entails a lot of weakness: The love was not enough to stand  me against the pull of new attraction. That kind of attraction happens only where there is no love—maybe there was really none.”

There are a lot of uncertainties in life. No one knows what a sunrise could bring along its beauteous rays. Things can change in a snap without you noticing how and understanding why.

 “Just remember the day we hang out. I’m beside him, you’re beside her. He was holding my hand while you hold her’s. All those time our eyes talked their own language. No words were spoken, no actions were done... just our eyes”

There are things beyond our control. There are passionate longings you can never explain—like missing the person you never been with.... or loving a person you never met.

  “Then we found ourselves together. Feeling your arms around me we’re real—almost perhaps. I became weaker than I was. In one point it is somewhat a self degrading to fell in love that way... perhaps it’s the guilt that overshadow the happiness... or maybe feeling sad why should it be that way. Feels like having the right love on the wrong time... seems like been loving the wrong person and finally found the right one.”

There are times we are aware of an impending tragedy but we choose to let it happen. Forbidden love. Being with and loving someone else. But love happens—it actually happens beyond control.

 “I know what it takes to have you—trouble. A lot of troubles. So I choose not to have you, at the same time, not to be with him anymore. Now that we’re separated by distance, chance, and time...the magic still remain. And someday when these three allowed our paths to cross again I want to give and feel the love we both deserve. Maybe someday it will, who knows?"

Love happens—it actually happens beyond control.

Is it really being unfaithful or just being true to what you feel?

*This post is part of the past and is not the current love story of the author*

Hear me whisper

I want  to feel your warm hugs.

I want your sweet kisses.

I want to hold your hands.

I want to hear your voice.

I want to hear random stories from you.

I want to see you smile.

I want to smile back to you.

I want to hear our laughs.

I want your face next to mine.

I want your hands rub my back.

I want to lie beside you tonight.

I want to wake up next to you.
I want to see your face first thing first in the morning.

I want you home.

I'm missing you so bad.

Sometimes things just don’t mix up

Today’s hottest issue on news TV is about DIVORCE. The question lies whether “to legalized divorce in the country or keep the matrimony sacred”— a clear clash of ideal and real.

 It is by standard to keep marriage sacred no matter how difficult a problem is to handle. The couple should manage because it is part of their promises. However, reality said that the relationships of today are way different than the kind of relationships established by our “ancestors” or maybe by some of our parents who endure the dilemma of marriage.  I am sure that there are factors that surround them that favour a long and a lasting marriage. Long before women were contented staying at home, men was excited when they day ends because someone’s waiting and…they both socialize together—there was a little chance of building a tension to ruin a relationship.

Should we really have to insist to live the same kind of life in a different kind of environment?

Nowadays, temptation is just around. There are a lot of factors beyond everybody’s control as much as they wanted to make marriage a happy ending—that includes individual priorities, level of contentment, the likelihood of falling out of love and falling in love to someone else because random crap happens. Social lives of each say the modern world contributes.

And we have to consider the fact that a cycle of violence inside a relationship is inevitable once started, once tension is build by the modern world:

“Happy relationship—tension builds—abuses takes place—apologies and excuses—Happy relationship”.

And sadly, it doesn’t stop with a “happy relationship” it rather goes all over and over. I think no one likes to stay and exhaust oneself with this kind. The mere fact that it is a cycle then the relationship won’t go any further. It’s not that they don’t try or they’re not responsible with their obligations, sometimes things just don’t mix up.

The willingness then to stay was replaced by practicality. By practical I mean, why should you doomed and hurt yourself if you can be free from pain and find happiness with someone else? To live with someone is quite a challenge. Imagine how hard it is for two different people trying to fill the empty spaces to complete the existence of one another. A sort of a lock and key is essential to gain a stable bond. If it’s not meant for each other, it will never work unless one of them is willing to modify and choose to become flexible so the other will fit in, which is not always the case.

So who are we to let an individual suffer by not allowing them to be free because of “standard”?

No one refuses to go along with a happy ending, every one is dreaming of a happy end so I think when someone want a divorce it is not their intension to be just separated. They want freedom because it is everybody’s instinct to survive. It’s because every one is learning the art of changing their lives especially if it is not worthy to live.

With this, I can never tell that having a divorce is a wrong act.

Bits and Pieces of me

The top ten list I used to get pleasure from...

 

1.       A comfortable couch and a hot Caramel Macchiato with friends at our favourite Coffee shop

2.       Cold buckets and towers of beer with small talks and loud laughs

3.       Smoke "yosi break" whenever the night became like a crap

4.       A way to say goodbye to a bad hair day—Spend a day at beauty salon to feel good again

5.       Scream or laugh out loud inside a movie house all by myself with a bag of M&M’s and a cup of mango shake (that's my personal choice) 

6.       Night swimming with good friends and even a week at the beach which means sunset and Sunrise everyday

7.       Rant all I can at blogger.com

8.       Road trips and food trips, still with good friends

9.       Greet my friends “Good Morning” via SMS everyday

10.   My beauty rituals—Whitening and slimming products among others

The top ten things above will just be part of my young and free life.

My good bye to all! *sniff* because I’m going to make a new and different list of top ten things to enjoy in no time *wink-wink*

A boy?... A girl?...

I’m eleven days earlier my appointment.

My non-productive cough got on the nerves of my mother that prompted “her” to consult me to a doctor. So to make the consultation story short, the doctor advised me to just rinse my throat with a saline solution since she found no significant findings upon auscultation—that cost me 250php already.

At least my visit served my prenatal-check as well which mean I don’t have to come back in the next two weeks anymore as scheduled. So! I am now weighing 60 kilograms and my fundal height measures 19cm. The doctor said it seems I was the only one gaining weight, not my baby. According her, I may be adequate on size but I don’t fit with the average 27-week old pregnant. I don’t really understand her. She always comes with “but’s and then’s” and after that will eventually tell me “You’re doing good, there is nothing to worry about”. I think I’ll never have a chance to like her.

In any way, I’m still looking forward to pay her a visit next month. I’m counting down the days! It’s because next month will be the month that I am going to know my baby’s gender. Cheers for that!!! Two out of ten people I know said I’m having a boy; the rest believed it’s a girl. Let us wait until next month then.

I am excited at the same time scared. Why? It’s because all this time I was bothered by the possibility of my baby to have some structural deformities.  I never knew, I never seen my baby developed…all I know is that my baby is alive and kicking. Is that enough?

Until next month… I'm praying for my baby’s good health. 

Si Nanay

I used to call her Nanay...like everyone does.

She is my Aunt actually, my mother’s eldest sister. The person behind my mother's success in life as I was always told, "hindi ako makakapagtapos ng aking pag-aaral kung wala si Manang" hmm...that part is a long story. I'm not going into details.

Earlier, I wanted to talk here not as one of her niece but as a person who sees her as a good individual. I wanted to go out of the circle for once and will speak as another person… but I realized that won’t change anything because I think that we all look up at Nanay in just the same way whether we're part of her family or not.

Me, Nanay, and Mama

She is not a potential saint which in her conviction there is none. Being a born Adventist she doesn’t worship anyone other than God in heaven—so I guessed it won’t make her feel good if I considered her a future saint because we should not worship anyone other than God (One lesson from her). That’s why I’m hot going to worship her…if it happens that by the end of this post her name will be uplifted then that is just because she deserves a good testimonial.

It is in her nature to help the needy. She has the ability give, the power to bend her back, and has the talent to sacrifice.

Ask Nanay to make you a dress—you’ll have it in no time. She made me hundred of dresses already since I was little (From casual to school uniforms, party dresses, Prom gowns, etc.) and I am thankful for that although there were times I despise her style, still I wore all of them. Ask Nanay to pray for you—she’ll be singing songs of praises too. Ask Nanay for knowledge and wisdom—she’ll guide you to come close to God to attain that.

Experience wise, I’m pretty sure she made it through a lot of hard times. That’s why she understands. That’s why she helps. That’s why she sings amidst the trouble… I bet she been through one horror after another. She has a lot of untold stories that made her that good and that strong. 

Her life today can tell...no one will argue but everyone will agree.

The balloon that symbolizes the desire of each family member--They will fly as high as they can together

Today in her 70^th birthday (having 5 children, 12 grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren on her side) Nanay is a picture of a contented happy woman.

Very Inspiring...

Seeing her smile today, I can’t help but to wonder whom to consider lucky. Is it Nanay for having a successful family or her family being raised by Nanay thus became successful? I guess both sides feel exactly just the same—proud of each other.

My mother decorated this cupcakes and cakes for Nanay...

I'm kind of a big deal, but not actually.. hehehe
I just wanted to show I'm also proud being part of the family

Listen...

The line “I have to tell you something” is quite alarming, isn’t it? You don’t have to be brainy nor a nerdy to know that there is a magical event happening downtown, maybe an imagination  created from someone else’s mind that came into words transmitted from one person to another—gossip!!! What is worst about it? It happens during the transfer when add-ons and segregation of details are most likely. How deadly!. 

Did someone already beat an imaginary contender?  Entertaining gossip makes you a loser, that’s what I have learned from my walk.

“Blah…blah… blah…” I heard a lot of rumors lately and all I did was to shrugged shoulders. Honestly it is annoying.  But If I do allowed myself to listen maybe I fainted already due to suffocation, it is too much.  I rather live with annoyance instead of rendering my last breathe pitiful.

There are blossom of rumors here, there, and all over the place. Such unfounded information can bring one’s life into ruins (if entertained). Our relationship had been the target and we’re nearly hit by.

How did I know anyway that the gossip I heard from a “good friend” is far beyond the truth? I simply know whom to believe and whose words to trust. When I was told of the “on-going affair” my partner is having with his ex-girlfriend I thought of confronting him but with due respect I stayed calm. I’m on the process of making my own point logical. My initial reaction can be very bad—realizations are always found at the end of line. I’ll be there the soonest I can. I'm on the other end.

Okay.. that kind of fight won't happen...

Moving on…

How related could the gossip be with the truth? A gossip is simply an altered truth—every now and then it is altered to sustain an existing intention. 

Gossip can serve a warning of an upcoming “break-up”…but if we were to part our ways (not that I wish for) I’ll make sure it’s not just because of gossip but because of the truth.

In any way he must be living hell with me if that was not a gossip. One of the secret you can never keep is to tell the world you fall out of love. Keeping so can make you a prisoner of your own. I believe he is not that dumb to stay if he doesn't want to.

If no one can dictate me whom to spend life with, so do him. 

Why should one doomed himself by staying in the present while living in the past? In reality this only last for a couple of months (maybe during the denial stage). Each is born with an instinct for survival—some may be slower than the other but everyone find way to move on and live.

So when my partner showed me he moved on I no longer had that reason to believe what other people wanted me to consider.

Thank you for you concern anyway :) 

Operation Big Brother...

I can’t remember her name, how old she was that time, where exactly we’ve met but I remember her smile and I remember this was from her:

A fancy wristband I found inside my closet, maybe once the most precious wristlet for her but will forever be precious to me. Fancy it may look around her little wrist but the moment she transferred the bond to mine it became special that brought unsurpassed emotion. A gift made of sincerity and valued with sentiment. 

It was her pure heart who gave me the bond. I remember her saying “Don’t throw this away when you step out from this orphanage; promise me to keep this for this rubber band means a lot to me”. I was wordless that moment, bowled over to say the word “thank you”.  She spoke like it was the most expensive gift a child could offer.

It is a tradition of The Beta Sigma Fraternity and Ladies Corps to conduct “Operation Big Brother”  every December with its purpose not just to show people the good side of being a frat man but also to extend hands free of will—gift giving, foods, games-- just to make the orphans happy. That was the only OBB I attended.

The whole body agreed to visit “Kanlungan sa ER-MA Ministry Inc.” on 2008 somewhere in Laguna. I was hesitant to join the programme with a thought that it would just make sad children sadder by slapping them with a reality that they’re just an orphan contented with a small visit. I was wrong. 

Each kid has their own way to make themselves passionate to us. They never showed discontentment in life. I never heard them talking that they were abandoned by families, rejected by people, left behind by lifestyle.

They possess the power to make simple things priceless as simple as it seems. They can touch heart without knowing how and free from intention of changing one’s life. Life has not to be perfect to be wonderful.

They may be sad but they lift their own spirits not to be doomed in sadness. Inspiring isn’t it?  

At first, I thought that maybe these kids were just overwhelmed by the presents and the foods we prepared. But they weren’t. They were more interested to hear from us… of how good life is outside the orphanage… of how lucky we are with our lives. They were more excited to show to us what they’ve prepared. 

At the end, we we’re the one who was entertained. We were there to extend our hands, we never thought of those children can offer us more than we could.

Some other organizations were still on the list waiting for their turn to visit while we were there; scheduled with only limited time. The long list made me realized that at the end of our visit there will be another me to visit them, another us, and thousands of people like us that will make them forget about the moment we just have. 

I was wrong with that, again. I caught a young lady who wrote a letter to one of our co-member who was not able to come with us that year. So they can remember because they’re all real. That scene made me cry. I never thought they'll be that real, that they know how to cherish two-three hours of acquaintance.

The Kids have known Beta Sigma for quite some time, this visit was already anticipated and some of them were expecting for the same smile they’ve seen a year ago.

That instant, I thought not of the band around my wrist but the little hand that put them in. I was lucky to meet a child whose innocence touches my existence. 

Happy Monthsary baby!

 “Monthsary” is an occasion commonly celebrated by young and deeply in love couples. 

Today is nothing special, it is not our monthsary... not even tomorrow, and not yesterday.  Monsthsary is out of our way. It’s not because we are no longer young, not that we are not in love with each other, and its not that I am against on celebrating such romantic occasion. 

I simply don’t have the idea “when” to celebrate ours. May be on the 1st? 18th? 19th? 20th? 30th? I really don’t know!

So every month is just an ordinary month. We had no monthsary to remind us how we started. 

Well, I have to admit that our relationship is not as typical as one could expect. I was comfortable being alone when he suddenly came. I am comfortable in the sense that I am enjoying the freedom of being a single woman without having to consider anyone in my everyday way of life—freed from demands of relationship. What else could I ask for? I can do whatever I wanted to do, go wherever I wanted to go, and talk on whatever is felt. 

We somewhat established a no-commitment kind of  a relationship. That was from my point of view, I don’t know from his.For me(at first), he was just  “a romantic companion” nothing is special about that.  By that term you will figure out that we never had the chance to assure ourselves  that we are committed to one another. It is actually my personal choice not to assert that it is not serious. There is a silent rule that governs us: “no-strings attach”  and we are tracking a two way street—that is, we can still make special friends as much as we wanted.Ofcourse it doesnt mean I’m dating someone aside from him. He got my loyalty which I never asked that he could pay me back with the same. He was still free to date someone else. Still fair enough for me.

I am not afraid of commitment, but that was the last thing I needed especially I realized how good it was to be free. Aside from the fact that we are on a freaking ground. People around are all freak about us, and I bet they freaked out when we told them we are having a baby so soon.

Things has changed between us. From being not  we became committed to one another not just because of the baby but also because of the connection we manage to established. However the people around remains the same,I may not hear directly from them but their actions would tell of how disappointed they are for the  two of us. For them I’m just that kind of a woman who has a baby in her tummy that sustains this relationship. That  fact is quite depressing. 

The only special thing we got is the mere fact that we both believe we have each other everyday.

Having no monthsary to celebrate with is not bad after all... Everyday seems to be special.

But then, Happy Monthsary to those who are celebrating today!

Love is something we can never beg for...

Sometimes, it’s easier to say that you’re fine instead of having to explain all the reasons why you’re not

For ten minutes, I rest in silence hoping to cross a solitary ground where I can muse. Nothing happened.

I wanted to break-free more than embracing this concealed loneliness within. There are actually uncertainties masked by contentment brought by the bundle of joy inside my womb. It is the joy that over powers doubt. It is the main reason why I tried not to entertain this doubts.I resolved to neglect all the doubts.

My mind on the other hand is seeking for clarity. It desires for a simple yet defined words that could explain the complications.  Could it be promises? Like an assurance that could otherwise save a desperate emotions.

Could constructing sentences out of a few promising words be enough to build the needed security?  

I doubt.

I was actually considering the possibility of betrayal—to be specific, a past relationship is most likely to regain the warmth of the said lost affection. I am honestly bothered by her who speak out for willingness to return. It took so much courage to do such actions unless very determined.

And I haven’t talk about this yet—of how she is making our relationship unsecured. I couldn't hate her either. In a way, I do appreciate how she is fighting and how she stands firmly for the sake of love.She is very well respected.

So I have chosen to keep things myself not to make matters worse for it can be my reaction (my doubt) to what is happening that can ruin my own life. I felt stupid (part of me disagreed, but my belief holds true) I once told my partner he can always decide, and every decision will be respected without having to explain why and how for I believe you can never dictate someone whom they should love.  Love is free of charge; it is not something we plead, not something to beg for.

This is just a simple choice—unspoken fears—a noble way to love.

There were days I haven’t heard of sweet nothings and half of those days I think of uncertainties.

However it doesn’t mean I don’t believe him. I was thinking that I don’t have to hate him just because of someone wants him back so bad. Yes, I am worried but that won’t make me love him less. I love him more each day despite distance between us.

Each talk we have is a surprise for I don’t expect he’ll make me feel special… lucky... and every word he utters is real. I am thankful. I can’t help but to believe because I can sense how genuine it is. Those doubts seem to be rubbish then.I was even assured but then I know things can happen beyond our control--So I stayed to be real--be open to all the possibilities life could offer.

And that’s reality.

I sometimes hate him.

I sometimes despise him.

I sometimes get jealous.

I am sometimes worried.

She sometimes made me feel insecure.

They both are freaking me out.

But...


I always love him...
and I love him more...
enough for me to believe and trust... 

Source: tumblr.com via Cristy on Pinterest

Special Request

A special request to the following to become our baby's godparents:

 Sheena dela Peña

Ellyn Villanueva

 Danielle Vanessa Ereñeta Arisola
Shannah Laminero

Aicee Alvarez

Roa Fuentespina

Christine Cogolio Feraren
Ma. Rowena Novillos

Ronald Esquillo

 Arnaldo Bangalisan
Thomas Albacete

Tets Camingawan

Dominic Pecadizo

Anthony Linsasagin

I'm little now, but I want to grow and be strong...
I want to do great things and make a difference in someone's life...
I want to live for the moment and enjoy the precious things that happen in the everyday and not take them for granted...
I want to walk along the paths that had never been walked and discover the beauty hidden there...
I want to be still and quiet and know that even though I am alone, I am not lonely...
I want to see the world and the majesty that lies therein...
I want to share my thoughts and dreams without being afraid of ridicule...
I want to be special...
I want to be loved and cherished for who I am...
I'm little now, but I will grow, and I want you there with me...


I indeed need some extra hands to help me learn and grow. 
I think that yours would be the best.
'cause Mommy and Daddy told me so.


Will you be my Godparents?

(note: I got the text from a pre-made online card, not my own words)