Coin

“I was told that if you happen to find a coin along the street you have to pick it up because it brings good luck. This morning, I found one but… I didn’t pick it up. 

Simply because I’m tired of believing that there is."

...that there is a good luck for me.

I just had a bad Monday to start the week. Opportunities always slip and I hate it when it does especially in a stupid way. Last Saturday, HSBC recalled informing me that I’m going to report today as a trainee. That was after failing their screening exam last month. Undeniably, I am lucky for the chance. But I was so drunk during the weekend that I didn’t make it. I woke 12:00 pm today while I was asked to report at exactly 6:00 in the morning. I know I am stupid. I let go of the opportunity they’ve given me and I so hate myself for being irresponsible

Silence

My idea of writing is for me to comprehend my environment. It is my own simple way to understand myself. But I came to a point where I passionately stayed away from pressing the keyboard and get rid of picking up a pen to write a single word. Sometimes, our own thoughts can be that scary. Times when you thought of someone you don’t want to remember, tasks you don’t want to do, acts that you considered you never did, an event you don’t want to take place, blames you don’t want to cast upon. Some words that can at times are too good to remain unsaid because talking can be regretful. I always regret how I connect words and turned them to harsh statements. I wanted to lessen my regrets if I can. I had enough of them; I’m not creating another set to make myself bad. Silence is good and to remain as one in times of hatred feels great. 

To delay things when needed can be hard—as hard as acting mature when you’re really not but it can make you one.

Regrets

Its been 2 months.. And I don’t know where I've been . Now, I can officially label myself as a genuine stupid person. All I did was to cry all day long and night as if I was really alone... I do feel that I am but I still Believed I'm not

As I remember, yesterday was December 21, 2009.. But when I woke this morning, to my surprise, today is February 20, 2010… where have I been?

This is exactly what I'm feeling today

I was in hell… no one had pushed me to be in, but I did for no good reason. I feel bad, empty and regretful that I tried after convincing myself not to. I am my greatest enemy… hard headed as I used to be. I knew it was dangerous but I did took the risk of doing it hoping I can tolerate the pain. I so hate being myself at times like this. My thought of things differs from what I feel.

I started to hate life, but I cant get even… though I wanted to. I cant argue with what is happening in my life right now. There are a lot of forces beyond my control. I wished to manipulate things but I failed… there is no way for me to do that. I have no energy left, I feel weak at this very moment. I called up for rescue but then refuses to accept hand. I want to be alone and be myself for some time, but I was too scared to be left behind. Seconds seems to run like years… so slow that it irritates me…

But am I really left behind or I am just in a hurry to put things right that I missed everything. Did everyone around me had changed or it was I who is different now. It is the same old feeling I got here… and I forgot how I managed to survive before…. I wished to remember because I don’t want to feel this way all the time, it impairs me.

I been missing so much opportunities now a days. I tend to let things happen. "Let it be" moments and "it isn't true" instances. I wished to start another walk of life… I wished to walk once more… take one more chance-- I am not giving up.

If I knew

A poem or a song? I'm not even sure  but whatever it is, thanks dipher for rendering this to me. mwah! loves
loves...

If I knew it would be the last
time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in a more
tightly
And pray to the Lord, your
soul to keep

If I knew it would be the last
time
That I'd see you walk out the
door,
I would give you a hug and
kiss
And call you back for one
more.

If I knew it would be the last
time
I'd hear your voice lifted in
praise,
I would videotape each action
and word,
so I could play them back
day after day.

If I knew it would be the last
time
I could spare an extra minute
or two
to stop and say "I Love You"
instead of assuming you
would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last
time
I would be there to share
your day.
Well, I'm sure you'll have so
many more,
So I can let just this one slip
away

For sure there's always
tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
And we always get a second
chance
To make everything right
There will always be
another day
to say our "I love you's"
And certainly there's another
chance
To say our "Anything I can do's"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much
I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not a promised to
anyone,
Young or old alike
And today may be the last
chance
You get your loved
one tight.

So if you're waiting for
tomorrow.
Why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day.

That you didn't take that
extra time
For a smile, a hug, or a kiss
And you were too busy to
grant someone,
What turned out to be teir
one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close
today,
And whisper in their ear;
tell them how much you love
them
and that you'll always hold
them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry"
"Please forgive m," "Thank you"
or "It's okay"
And if tomorrow never
comes,
You'll have no regrets about today.

-Tricia youngson

Originally Posted at cristymay.multiply.com

the Rubix Cube

And what do you called this thing?  Puzzle? (Dude...I don’t knowJ) but this is not an ordinary thing for me... because this represents my life... (wahhhhaaaay pang Miss Universe! hhaha)
it was fixed and everything is in place... it reminds me of my childhood days...colorful...  I got my family, I got my friends... I got everything... contentment, laughter, peace of mind... what else could I ask for... I got all the care in the world...


I was young I guess. I was pampered... I was supported... I was happy... and I took things for granted for me Life is not a life if I'll remain standing forever... as if nothing will happen?!?.  I must make things happen...

I decided to make a new world. it was nice... rearranging everything is a perfect adventure... I laugh... as if it was funny seeing things that changed and transformed into a new one.
The Transformation was good... for a change. But I never thought of it, Changing my world also changes people around me. little by little the color fades away...  In some point, I woke up with no friends around... they gave up on me... hard-headed as I always was


... I don't care, who cares?!?... I can stand alone...I am tough...I can clean my mess alone...if they don't know me, the more that I don't know them too...not until I lost the support of my sister... that's it... the  most alarming moment of my life... I was told I am not her sister... she don't know me anymore


(Whaaattt?!?)... this is what I got in rearranging my world


  so why did I rearranged them again?!? EWAN KO BA! loka loka!

Broken life. Broken Identity... I was nowhere in this world. Gone with the days of laughter and Peace... Welcome to reality! wherein every single point is a challenge. I Guess it will take millions of effort to bring things back in proper place... life must go on... cleaning mess and to patch up things together again...  Life





Originally Posted at
cristymay.multiply.com