Hello, Monday

When someone woke you up, call you at around three in the morning (having your phone set on a full-volume  annoying ring tone, if in cases of emergency), just to ask you "what are you doing?"... A not so good way to start a week, hey! today is Monday. That was sweet actually, how could they be so thoughtful?-- inviting you to eat something from the nearest convenient store because they're all worried you might be hungry after eating ampalaya and egg from the last night's dinner, not the usual food we had. But I'm sorry because I am totally pissed off. I Shut my cellular phone off and tried the hardest I can to calm myself so I can go back to a sound sleep. I somehow did.

and so my Monday madness started... Rock on!

Today, I am also going back from a long weekend of movie marathon to the radiology office where I am currently rotating. These days I'm spending half of my day trying to identify anatomy out of a black and white films and go home feeling mentally drained, oh headache! I was left reading Anatomy books.

The Photographer said "I like that smile, it's perfect"... yes! its the Photographer, and he needed to say those lines, actually!

Went to the Graduation Pictorial. One nice lady made my hair with all her patience, a young lady shaped my eyebrows into something I don't actually like, an obviously spoiled brat who happens to have an obsession on eyelashes (that was according to her mom) added a false eyelashes to mine, and a not-so-young-not-so-old make-up artist made the final touches. One chair after another. What was that all about?

The make-up artist mentioned clients, personalities (I'm not familiar with), experiences that tells everyone in the room she is actually a good artist. I heard a lot of marketing strategies like the usual: This one is better... Those were expensive products... you are actually paying us less (400php for the hair and make-up and 100php for the false eyelashes) than we deserve to receive because we wanted you to look better than you expect... I heard lines and lines and lines that would convince us they're good. I had my mouth shut all through out since I did not expect for a service likened to a high-end salon. Felt better then.

The photographer maybe 4-ft away from the subject uses an SLR camera, two studio lights, a black background, a chair. At the corner of the room is a mountain of shawls of different colors  that we could use as our formal dress, one toga that we pass on to the next person in line, and coat and ties for the men. Nine of us occupied that little office turned studio where we hardly move.Awkward! they don't even have the curtain where we can change. Aside from the 2350php we paid for the graduation package we still have to pay 300php for the extra shot and another 350php for all the copy of pictures saved on a CD. Goodbye 3600php, Sad face. 

Thank goodness for being in a circle of crazy people,  instead of complaining resolved to just laugh.

Tomorrow is another day, Tomorrow is no longer a Monday.

Love... Love... Love...

A lot of us think that expressing one’s care by words is juvenile. I am one of them. 

What I'm just trying to point out is that there are a lot of important things to talk about than exchanging sweet nothings which has nothing to do with your day but to make you feel good for a minute or two. It may bring you to euphoric state but won’t take you any farther. It may inspire you a little bit but not completely. It will get you boosted to do daily tasks, motivate you to feel good about yourself but that’s just it. As the old saying goes "action speaks louder than words". And action we mean that  in a responsible way.

There are a lot of ways to spice up a relationship...

Source: topit.me via Cristy on Pinterest

(I will not talk against sweet nothings because I believe in them. I love hearing them.  Again, I just don't put so much importance with it like every minute should be spend with such sweetness, that could bore a relationship)

I find it pretty awkward to tell the world out loud that I am in love and I am missing someone. I am not the kind of a person who talks about her partner all day with her friends. 

Being a melodramatic is already my nature but to express this kind of good emotion is way different when expressing love out of a broken relationship. The reason why I seldom write about how good being in love is. Most of my posts then talks about the other side of love like  break-ups and pains.

I hate when I am asked to talk about my love or when somebody accuses me of denying details of my own love life. Denying is a very different story. Yes, I may at times talk that I am comfortable being single despite the fact that I am in a relationship. I find it decent to claim my relationship status being single. Anyway, in legal papers you can be either be single or married or widowed. There is no such thing as "in-a-relationship", "It's complicated", "in-a-love-triangle" and so on.

I realized that stating a relationship status is not so important (but still it is). When you’re good you don’t actually have to label your better half as your boyfriend or as your girlfriend because as long as you do relate with issues then be it. You can be together and their will be this silent vows that will assure you of loyalty. Words, may it be uttered or written in a piece of paper is not enough. Everybody can sign a paper, everybody can talk, but not everybody can be real with what they feel. 

Sometimes some of us chooses to go public not because we are proud of ourselves for having a good partners but to rather assure ourselves that everyone around us is informed that we are already taken and they should not be disturbing us anymore. A sort of insecurity.

Source: xiaoxizhang.com via Cristy on Pinterest

I’ve been there. Some tend to become showy, those we labelled as Public Display of Affection type of lovers. When I was younger I used to be one of the PDA type not because I wanted my partner to feel me but because I wanted to tell the world that my partner is my own— that no one should come near him. I have fallen so mad that I made him my world, and the moment his gone I found myself floating in space because I lost my world. That was funny. It’s not that I don’t want to repeat the same experience of behaving like a 24/7 guard-on-duty kind of a girlfriend. 

I think it would be unfair not to express anymore just because of the past. The issue lies not as to whether you are proud enough to show affection in public but on how you show it to the right person.

It’s not that I don't want to show love. It's the mere fact that  it’s not the people around me I love and I’m missing so why should I tell them? It's not them and it's not my obligation to get them updated. I learned a better way. Talk to the person directly because it is not everybody’s business to hear and see how you love each other. 

What really matters most is to show the person you love how much you love them.

Family

My family ain’t perfect so as the tie that bonds us together. We never had chance to have fun as a whole. We all have our ways, own lives, and own point of views where mine is the greatest—but, I guess they feel the same thing with there’s.

The only typical about us is that we argue and we are all silly.  While we, siblings are all likened to cats and dog, our parents then are the lion and the tiger. We argue, argue, and argue. It feels weird not to.

We live in a house which was never a home. 

When I was younger one of my hopes in life was to own a house with doors since the old one only got three—the one in front, the other at back, then the third for the comfort room—all the rest has curtains instead. I now realized that house made of bamboos and woods having only three doors are far better than our present where we got doors all over the place. Here, we learned how to bang all them whenever we wanted, our simple way of communication. So sweet, isn’t it? 

I’m pretty sure our parents did not teach us to bang the doors. They trained us in a way wherein we walk inside our house very slowly not to make any sound. That’s how strict they’ve been to us. I don’t know what happen then. Maybe it’s our nature to act that way. 

Our main problem is communication. We never compromise. Hopeless. 

In a way, those doors are of help for it made us feel we’re not home alone by ourselves.  

Confession of a crazy-lazy-future-"..."

Crazy-lazy-future MD is happening no more. By fault or by fate, chances of  not becoming a future M.D. is way too high. Beyond the doubts that I’m having is an understanding of how I’ve been. My acceptance (perhaps) of what I am worthy of .  "Doc Tim" is not meant to be,...at all. True to the fact that I had took things for granted, I acted like I had nothing to worry about despite the fact that there was, and for being the kind of student who never waited for weekends to party, go to classroom to sleep, go shopping after class, and stayed up late on-line--all of these are proofs that I never valued what I have started. I did lost my determination to become one of the greatest physician of our town. I failed because I prioritized what should not.

Sounds like a denial to defend myself or a justification perhaps, whatever this may be… it makes me plead guilty for something...argh! I do not understand why I'm feeling this way. I'm feeling bad that I struggled  to earn a BS Biology degree, went to a Medical school... and now working as an admin assistant. Isn't that too great? Don't get me wrong, It's not my work per se that makes me feel this bad.

No one told me that I can be one of the underemployed not because of my capacity but because there is such an "employer's fear" of hiring someone who haven't completed her post graduate school requirements  YET--that such level will be as good as a "High School Undergraduate". I am often distracted by my educational background, especially how other people treats me as a college undergraduate.  It bothers me too good and is degrading me. Although I have no intention to defend my profile--because I always believed that no one deserves to access the details behind this journey. I am not delivering a speech to explain what was done. There will never be a public explanation on why's and how's. A nod is enough, I'll let people believe what they want to believe but still I am going to fight for what I think is right.

Crazy-Lazy-Future-MD

Is it stupid to say that the world indeed has the capability to turn us upside down? My innocent belief when I was once a little kid attacked my mind early this morning. Those days when I pictured out myself living outside the planet, so when it turns around the solar system we have to be very careful because we might fall out...well then I tried to convinced myself that we live inside the planet, so I don’t have to worry of falling out into the solar system!  I will never live long out there—it is so dark even if it has all the stars I love.

It scares me until I learned from my basic science courses about gravity and the likes. Hmmm… see what a simple science can do? It can clear up our puzzled thoughts and can make us feel better—giving us peace of mind by answering all our questions with giving us  reliable basis. That’s why I love science! It explains us very well the cause and effect of a thing up to its detailed and tiny element. That’s how science amazed my young mind.

            Loving science, I took up biology  and was inspired to enter medicine—for an everlasting wonderful world of discoveries.

            I am not going to talk about science technicalities here, I am not good at that… though I was exposed to science for years… I wished to master the secret of science! I really love to study and learn more facts. But, i guess it won’t happen for a lazy crazy future MD like me, right?
         
            The problem with me was I am too pre-occupied with my dreams. I wanted this and that. I planned for this and that. I am going to be like this someday… someday… and someday.

        Becoming a medical doctor or working in a laboratory, or  working on a special problem regarding the community structures organisms, then let me come up with an excellent scientific paper… life is great by then.

I am so busy daydreaming, building castles in the air, creating perfect stories out of imagination. I got all life’s fantasy. I been the person I always wanted and been to places… so may of those, only in my dreams.

            I had miss to realized the fact that I have to work hard in order for me to reach my dreams. Daydreaming won’t take me into reality. I have to work so hard—double time to catch the wasted time—if I can.

            I am a medical student. I should be studying so hard and learn facts religiously. I should not go to bed tired of solving the mystery file games and diner dash—I got case studies in biochemistry still. I should stop taking for granted those little facts.  I should spending more of my time with my books and not with Tom&Jerry.  I should be writing a Physiology laboratory report instead of editing my friendster profile. I should study Gross anatomy and master the parts of cadaver instead of judging people around me.

I had been so lazy, so crazy medical student for past few months.
It is not a good start I know… I am not learning the way a future doctor should… and I know pretty well that if I am not going to change my bad habit then I am not going to be a good Medical doctor someday.

            Well, what do you think guys? I hope identifying these faulty ways of medicine life could awaken my lost determination of becoming a GOOD doctor.


Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com