SAHM: Stay-at-hospital/home-mother

My very own Princess

2 years, 8 months and 20 days being a mother to this lovely daughter, but there are only 332 days of which that I become a full-time hands-on mother to her. The rest of the days, I spent time at the hospital to take care of  other people. Pursuing an MD degree isn't easy. We had to stay in the hospital for a 24 hour duty, 10 more hours of from duty status at the hospital before heading ourselves home; so we're given a 14-hr rest (that includes spending time with your love ones too) then go back for another 10 hour pre-duty status at the hospital then another 14 hour rest before the next duty starts. Physically tired, sleep deprived, mentally drained and emotionally tortured.

Becoming a doctor is a tough decision. A decision you actually have to renew again and again each time you feel like giving up. 

Going home tired and sleepy to your daughter whom you know waited for you maybe the worst feeling especially that instead of using part of your 14-hour rest in playing with her, you needed to work on your reports that is due the next day. On the other hand, how exhausting is it in your part that instead of sleeping straight through the night you have to wake up every 2 hours because you needed to change diaper or make a milk formula. 

I almost give up. Perhaps I really did in some point. But I stayed. I stayed becoming a physician and stayed being a mother in the hope that someday I'll be good with both. I'll make a way to make it all work. 

I'm staying. Someday, sacrifices will make sense. 

Too Much

The colors we choose make statements about our personality. Colors represent what we feel. We wear bright colors when we are happy, we wear dark when we express grief, traditional wedding gowns are white because it signifies purity. It is as if by wearing colors we blend in and by blending in we feel we found a place for ourselves.

Color	Meaning
RED	warmth,love,anger,danger,boldness,excitement,speed,strength,energy,determination, desire,courage
ORANGE	cheerfulness,affordability,enthusiasm,stimulation creativity,aggression
YELLOW	attention-grabbing,comfort,liveliness,cowardliness,hunger,optimism,overwhelm, intellect
GREEN	durability,reliability,environmental,luxurious,optimism,well-being,nature,calm, relaxation,safety,honesty,optimism,harmony,freshness
BLUE	peace,professionalism,loyalty,reliability,honor,melancholia,boredom,coldness,depth, stability,professionalism, honor,trust
PURPLE	power,royalty,nobility,elegance,sophistication,artificial,luxury, mystery royalty, elegance,magic
GRAY	conservatism, traditionalism, intelligence, serious, dull, uninteresting
BROWN	relaxing,confident,casual,reassuring,nature,earthy,solid,reliable,genuine,endurance
BLACK	authoritative,powerful,Elegance,sophistication,formality,strength,depression,
WHITE	Cleanliness, purity, newness, virginity, peace, innocence, simplicity, sterility

http://changingminds.org

Colors are also said to influence our emotions, affect our mood, our actions and how we respond to various people. I should have leave my room made of palochina woods to influence my everyday life with its natural scent and fresh color. Stay simple. But it seems that apart from the individual colors we appreciate comes a notion that a monochromatic world makes no difference  to a boring world. 

Lifeless. 

 

I wanted a life and I wanted something that I could present to the world. I agreed to paint the room with different colors. Everything I actually did was an attempt to be happy...to be happier.

Remembering the day I (we) painted my (our) room with colours.

We colored the ceiling with green which signifies peace, the ideal real-world, it is said to offer some sense of renewal and self-control. We lined the room with purple which is calming to minds. We painted the wall with brown which says stability, reliability, and approachability. Part of the wall was painted with pink which is young in the hope it can bring us fun and excitement. 

We painted the room with colors that represent all the things we desire.

We painted the whole room like the way we wanted to add color to our relationship. Just like that, we failed to appreciate what we got because we occupied ourselves in wanting MORE. We kept ourselves busy by searching for greater things until we lost the great ones that we already had. 

It's not lifeless at all. It's the mere fact that we are not satisfied with what we got. As today’s trend in life is discontentment, we are inclined to want MORE…MORE…and MORE.

That Palochina woods were supposed to remind us the beauty of simplicity... until such time... we realized we can make it better (not a bad intention actually).  We went through a lot of cravings--searching--demanding--before we knew it, everything was gone.

I thought painting the room with different colors could change the people inside--us to become better. I thought painting the wall could add colors to our life as well. I was wrong.

 “We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

The trick is to simplify our life—to appreciate what we got. Let the colors bloom itself, don't dictate the destiny on what kind of color to apply in your life. Don't make life complicated by overlooking simple things.