Opinyon ko to. Kuha nyo?

Gabi-gabi akong sumusubaybay sa teleseryeng "100 days to heaven" ng ABS-CBN. Kaya halos gabi-gabi din akong sumasang-ayon sa kung ano mang prinsipyo sa buhay meron si Madam ANA. 

OPO! Para sa akin may punto lahat ng sinasabi ni Madam. Kung ako nabigyan ng pakakataon na magtrabaho sa kumpanya nya baka isa na akong henyo at palagay ko magiging isang napakagaling na empleyado ako kahit saan mo pa ako ilagay...(ah, opo... yon nga po ay kung hindi ako mabiktima ng linya nyang "you're fired!, kuha mo?). 

Gusto kong balikan ang ilang mga pangyayari...

Unahin natin ang personal drayber nya, mali ba si Madam kung magalit sya dahil nagtetext nga naman ang drayber nya habang nagmamaneho?. E di ba nasa batas na bawal ang magtext habang nagmamaneho? Kahit ano pa man ang pinagdadaanan natin sa buhay hindi rason ito para mag tatanga-tangahan tayo sayo batas. Kaya nga may batas. Palagay ko dyan nagsisimula ang linyang "Hindi ko sinasadya". Kung nadisgrasya silang dalawa dahil sa kakatext nya malamang nakarinig tayo ng "hindi nya ko sinasadya, disgrasya lang ang nangyari". Naiintindihan ko ang drayber, pero sana alam nya ang responsibilidad nya bilang drayber. 

Sa opisina, halos lahat ng empleyado galit sa kanya. Kung hindi magagalit si Madam matututo kaya sila? Ewan ko na lang, kasi ako gustong gusto ko na napapagalitan ako kasi hamon yon para sa akin. Pabor nga sa akin yon, kahit papano malalaman ko ang mali ko, ibig sabihin lang non alam ko kung ano ang dapat kung baguhin sa buhay ko. Ang pag disiplina ang nakikita kong hangarin ni Madam para sa mga empleyado nya. Para nga syang isang magulang na pinapagalitan ang mga anak nya. para lang matuto. 

Para sa akin mas lalo mong mamahalin ang isang bagay at bibigyan ito ng pagpapahalaga kung pinaghirapan mo 'to. Wala namang kachallenge-challenge kapang ang boss mo ay di ka pinapakialaman. Nakakasama ng loob, oo, pero kung iisipin malaking tulong sayo ang mapagalitan. Libreng training yon.

Naniniwala akong si madam ay nagsasabi lang ng totoo at may hangaring tumulong sa mga tao. Matataas lang talaga ang pride ng mga tao ayaw masampal ng katotohanan. Gusto nating maging maayos ang mga bagay-bagay sa paligid natin pero kontra naman ang lahat sa pagkakaroon ng bataas. Ayaw sa salitang penalty o di naman kaya ay sa consequence... Lahat gusto ng madaling buhay.

At isa pa... Sang ayon ako kay Madam na sa mundong ibabaw wala kang dapat asahan kundi ang sarili mo. Wala kang dapat pagkatiwalaan kundi sa sariling kakayahan na maipagtanggol ang sarili. Walang ibang magmamahal sayo ng totoo kundi ang sarili mo lang. Kasi lahat nagsisimula sa SARILI natin. Paano ka pagkakatiwalaan, patatawarin, aasahan, at mamahalin ng ibang tao kung hindi mo ito kayang gawin sa sarili mo? Sarili mo nga di mo kaya, ibang tao pa kaya?

Aminin na natin, tama si madam... lalamunin tayo ng sarili nating katangahan. May mga tao dyan sa paligid natin na akala mo kung sinong santo na tatahimik pero sa loob naman ang kulo. Nagkataon lang na si Madam ay madaldal at sinasabi lahat ng mga naiisip nya. May mga tao dyan, tahimik... akala natin mabait pero mas masama pa nga kay madam.

Kung meron man akong di nagustuhan sa kanya yon ay ng ipinamigay nya ang sarili nyang anak. Pero magbabago naman sya sa huli di ba? Bigyan natin sya ng pagkakataong magbago...

Sa ngayon, hanga pa rin ako sa prinsipyo ni Madam....

Good bye

My dear,

I'm supposed to write a letter that could inspire your day. I remember the day I promised myself to never let you feel sad…to never start your day bad just because I am feeling bad… because we are here to inspire each other’s lives...

But today my dear, I woke up feeling empty—

I am neither happy nor sad.

*sigh*

A sigh because the feeling is actually a well-defined one...

The truth is I’m wearing my other face to mask the reality.

I should be keeping this myself but allow me to be honest for once.

Allow me to say that I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling. I was trying to ignore the fact that I was brought by the emptiness to a place where I forbid myself to go. I found myself adrift the space of promises that made me feel unsatisfied to where I am to an extent of feeling discontented with what we are having.  I wanted to ignore the reality and trick myself to change what I feel (that’s why I said I’m neither happy nor sad) but the pain stabs so bad enough. Forgive me for this is not the life I wanted.

I said it was the happiest…

I promised to cherish the memory we created and we’ll create more of a lasting memory that could inspire both of us…

I was wrong…

It wasn’t easy and I’m not seeing any worth to keep this relationship any further…

I’m a weak. I was scared, I trembled until I lose grip…

I can no longer hold on because I can’t find the reason why I should…

Still, I hope to be reminded with because I love you…

But my dear, if saying good byes were destined…Let it be.

We don’t have to wait for us to be broken…

We don’t need to  feel the pain so to push each other…

All we need is just the word “Good bye”…as good as it is…

Let us allow happy thoughts to linger as we make our own ways…

Let's part our ways bringing happy memories with us because I wished to be in a place someday remembering all those times…

P.S.

Our bows had been in silent...

I hope that would make things easier.

I'll always love you

Because I have to walk away

I found myself walking alongside a busy aisle…

Everyday faces having familiar voices…

I seem to be lost in crowd but I am not…

I’m certain with each step that I took…

I know which way to go…

I’m sure of my steps…

I have seen no one to follow…

So I make my own…

I walk as slowly as I could…

Looking intently on all the things around and beside me,

Trying at my very least to identify a single ground

No one talks but I hear voices from all over the place I barely comprehend

Crowded but I feel no one…

So plain…in a simplest form of illusion

I saw one man holding a promise of good life

Once…our paths had crossed…

Our eyes once again meet…

But gone were the smiles once worn…

Meaningless….

And we walk on our own ways without leaving a word…
the silence we just made was empty...

Sometimes walking away speaks it all…

and the footprints could define them...

Short…fast… and shallow breaths…

I walk as many steps as I could…

I seem to be in a search,

in the middle of the crowd…

I don’t have to stay…

I don’t have to wait…

I can't...

I have to live...

I have to walk away…

Operation Big Brother...

I can’t remember her name, how old she was that time, where exactly we’ve met but I remember her smile and I remember this was from her:

A fancy wristband I found inside my closet, maybe once the most precious wristlet for her but will forever be precious to me. Fancy it may look around her little wrist but the moment she transferred the bond to mine it became special that brought unsurpassed emotion. A gift made of sincerity and valued with sentiment. 

It was her pure heart who gave me the bond. I remember her saying “Don’t throw this away when you step out from this orphanage; promise me to keep this for this rubber band means a lot to me”. I was wordless that moment, bowled over to say the word “thank you”.  She spoke like it was the most expensive gift a child could offer.

It is a tradition of The Beta Sigma Fraternity and Ladies Corps to conduct “Operation Big Brother”  every December with its purpose not just to show people the good side of being a frat man but also to extend hands free of will—gift giving, foods, games-- just to make the orphans happy. That was the only OBB I attended.

The whole body agreed to visit “Kanlungan sa ER-MA Ministry Inc.” on 2008 somewhere in Laguna. I was hesitant to join the programme with a thought that it would just make sad children sadder by slapping them with a reality that they’re just an orphan contented with a small visit. I was wrong. 

Each kid has their own way to make themselves passionate to us. They never showed discontentment in life. I never heard them talking that they were abandoned by families, rejected by people, left behind by lifestyle.

They possess the power to make simple things priceless as simple as it seems. They can touch heart without knowing how and free from intention of changing one’s life. Life has not to be perfect to be wonderful.

They may be sad but they lift their own spirits not to be doomed in sadness. Inspiring isn’t it?  

At first, I thought that maybe these kids were just overwhelmed by the presents and the foods we prepared. But they weren’t. They were more interested to hear from us… of how good life is outside the orphanage… of how lucky we are with our lives. They were more excited to show to us what they’ve prepared. 

At the end, we we’re the one who was entertained. We were there to extend our hands, we never thought of those children can offer us more than we could.

Some other organizations were still on the list waiting for their turn to visit while we were there; scheduled with only limited time. The long list made me realized that at the end of our visit there will be another me to visit them, another us, and thousands of people like us that will make them forget about the moment we just have. 

I was wrong with that, again. I caught a young lady who wrote a letter to one of our co-member who was not able to come with us that year. So they can remember because they’re all real. That scene made me cry. I never thought they'll be that real, that they know how to cherish two-three hours of acquaintance.

The Kids have known Beta Sigma for quite some time, this visit was already anticipated and some of them were expecting for the same smile they’ve seen a year ago.

That instant, I thought not of the band around my wrist but the little hand that put them in. I was lucky to meet a child whose innocence touches my existence. 

The Tide



The scene reminds me of the poem I read years ago.



"The Tide"

(by Anonymous)

The tide recedes, but leaves behind
bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down, but gentle warmth
still lingers on the land.
The music stops, yet echoes on
in sweet, soulful refrains.
For every joy that passes,
something beautiful remains.

Behind every dark is a light.

I always fail to remember how inspiring this line is. I  tend to detest life's darkest side only to realized at the end that life could never be good without passing through those points. If it wasn't because of the pain I felt yesterday, I could not be the person I am today. If I haven't run away, I'll never be in such a wondrous place where acceptance of who I am exists.  Most of all, I'll never meet the person who made this journey worthwhile.


Life has a lot to offer if we can wait and if we can open not just our eyes but also our heart so we can appreciate what is beyond us.

The "leeches" within us

Are you one of us?

People in our lives always have reason why they tend to stay and of course hundreds and thousands of  reasons why they suddenly go. Among those reasons? survival! 

In a way it's not at all a sudden thing to be left behind or to go away. Partly...perhaps...it is us being preoccupied that made us blind not to see bad things coming our way. Preoccupations and ignorance of what really the problem is. How can you fix something you're not aware of?

People come...people go because there is a need to survive.

We have to understand that as humans, we normally look after the things that could nourish our existence. Most of the time we go for things that can make us happy even others are not. We live to survive and we are all attracted to pleasures.  As a matter of fact, only a few of us will choose to stay and live in agony. Why sacrifice if there's an easy way to get rid of pain? Nowadays, you can always find a new and a happy place anytime and anywhere you wanted in an instant.

Relationships, friends, sisterhood, brotherhood and  for the worst, families--once a treasure but today it is something replaceable.

We are all leeches in our simple ways. We tend to attach ourselves to someone/something that could make us happy... . We satisfied ourselves with what we need. Then before be knew it and when we feel it is enough... detachment seems to be very easy. No buts and whys. Sad but true. We all have the power of choice.

Letting go and leaving things behind is normal when we have reasons. We have to deal with the truth: letting go is not the only hardest sentiment. To  go away feels exactly just the same. Both side get hurts.

So don't hate anyone if they'll choose to leave, they just need to SURVIVE...

Choice

Home Sweet Home all alone

 “Choosing to live your life by your own choices is the greatest freedom you will ever have.”

A lot of things had changed. I am now living all alone... yes! all by myself at home everyday. Sometimes i do wonder if I really should consider it as a home, or it is just rather a place to shelter me every night. I find it hard although it is more comfortable on my part to live this way. I have no one to worry about and I can now do things according to my will without having to hurt anyone—that is, without taking into account the convenience of other people. I don’t belong to someone and at the same time I am nobody’s master.

It may be tiring to take care of one’s self after a long day of work, and it is rather depressing too eating a meal unaccompanied.  But the pain from the past when I was still surrounded by everyone is simply unbearable that I am determined to stand alone instead of leaning on a weak wall. All I need to do right now is to stay strong… because I have no one beside me; I have no one to depend to.

This is my choice—I got it—my desire to make a choice.  I am indeed on “other side”, perhaps miles apart from the one I used to. But this kind of life is worth living because I’ve been through a lot to establish this. I am trying to adopt this kind, and my hope is to survive.

HAPPY LONG WEEKEND :)

I’m going to have two days of off from work starting tomorrow.  I actually don’t know what it will be like after I considered that maybe (just maybe) it was necessary for me to work 7 days in a row, one after another so I can free myself from unwanted emotions.  I was so troubled anticipating the impending a supposed mind-numbing weekend. It made me sad especially now that I am aware of how exhausting it is to do nothing than having a long day at work.  In the midst of my concern, I went to the nearest loading station, bought a 300 pesos worth of prepaid card, registered to Globe tattoo’s supersurf220 because I’m going to spend my weekend surfing the net. I’m planning to search for some online tips regarding phone etiquettes and customer service.  I obliged myself to improve on my communication skills (badly needed for my work). 

I figured out today (out of my desperation to make each day meaningful) that a boring day is an off beam choice.  There is no such a “my life is a bore” statement. Remember that there is always a way to make every single day worthwhile, just choose the right one..

Have a happy weekend everyone!

Metal and String Puzzles

The idea is to to solve the puzzle by disentangling one of its metal pieces without bending, cutting, or otherwise destroying its shape. It is a mind stimulating, challenging, as well as irritating kind of entertainment. Hot-tempered should back-off because this game will just start a bad day.


Because  I know that enthusiasm is part of the  game I picked up the simplest metal and string from the box. I am not a freak! I'm just bored and at the same time curious.

To make the long story short, ( because my mind was tortured!) I've been interrupted  by the following ideas:

1. You can never solve a problem without knowing what the problem is all about.

For a minute or two I was just trying to play blankly, inserting one part to another without any point. Until I was told of the objective: " to disentangle the piece of  the ring" attached at one end. At that time I got a clear idea of what to accomplish.  


 2. You can never solve a problem without thinking how to. 

I also realized that I needed to study the whole structure and plan what moves to make. It made a difference. A pause for  while to plan out can save a lot of time. 

3. You can never use a force to make things happen.
Too much of force can ruin things. Every single thing has proper way, if it is seems not to fit, maybe something is wrong.

4. Patience is very important.
Impatience can spoil your mind which will lead to a bad attitude preventing you to make a success.  

mission accomplished!

So that's it for now because there are three more boxes of metal and string puzzles waiting for me out here. 
see yah!

Wave

Life is easy. Only when the universe conspire to make it a trouble-free. But what if the world will make a sudden twist and will rather turn the other way around?  Nothing is certain and to live happily ever after can never be assured otherwise can never be a reality. Life is not a fairy tale and to be sprinkled with a fairy dust is something ridiculous to wait for. Although at times, to wait in vain becomes a part of hoping.

From time to time I found myself wondering if being miserable is an option that one chooses to have or it is something that is destined to an ill-fated individual, something one can't get rid of.  My thought over the issue, no matter how hard I contemplate will always still end up with a question mark because it is something I barely comprehend. Now instead of making it more complicated I sometime mull over on how will my question be a statement--and it is where the trouble begun, making the adventure of thinking unbearable and turning the sincerity of contemplation bore to death.

Nothing could come between the pleasures brought about by sitting in a shore to watch the horizon while having chit-chat with old good friends. We burst out with laughter although the surrounding seems to be in wrath.  I feel the cold wind blow so hard. The wind somehow annoys me as it tangles my hair and brings them in front to cover my face and pricks my eyes. It started to rain slightly yet we stayed and made more fun out of it.  I am not sure if a storm is coming or it’s because the sun had set in already. The weather will not matter in any way as long as fun is around. This is being opportunistic though, taking chances to hear myself laughing out loud.

In one point or another I can't resist giving in to the beauty of the coconut trees as it sways along with the blow of the wind.  I can hear the roaring waves while hitting the old port from the distance and it sounds like a beautiful music to me.  I wished to be carried by the wind and fly around the trees nearby and dance with them-- it is indeed a heart melting moment, an overwhelming one. I came to realized that the anger shown by the whole environment is not as bad as it portrays.

One good realization to end the day, that no matter how bad life represents itself, its intention is not as it is. There is a beauty behind to be discovered. Beyond the rumbling and roaring sound of a mad life, there is a fine music waiting to air.

Glimpse

I was standing in a corner, somewhere at Olivarez Plaza where a perfect view of stoplight can be seen. I saw no traffic enforcer and the street were busy, disorganized, and noisy. A security guard nearby stared at me with suspicion. Earlier than that moment I was hoping that he was just curios why I was there standing  all alone. Later, I was alarmed by the way way he look so I decided to walk a little distance from him. I've been standing for 5 minutes or so-- I'm not actually sure of how long I've waited for my brod and my sis. We agreed to have another cup of coffee, for a break I supposed.

I saw the way of living as I was standing in that dark corner of Olivarez Plaza . It was well represented by that  busy street with people from all walks of life. I saw different kinds of existence right at that very moment.
A lady passed by me, she  walked gracefully and with confidence . 
A young man appeared from nowhere with bowed heads while his one hand inside his pocket the other holding a brown envelope.  
Two ladies wearing white T-shirts and  an old  faded jeans laughed out loud.
A young couple arguing.
A mother, a father, and a little boy walked hand in hand.
The conversation of the two old man seems disappointing and sad.
Group of individual from each side of the street crossed hurriedly.
A young pregnant woman passed by going to work (I guess)  but looks tired and exhausted.
An irritable man parked his car nearby.
The sleepy street vendor is counting the coins from his belt bag and sighed twice one after the other.
And there was a lady in thirty-something smiling at me as he walk down the street.

Different people, different lives. Happy. Sad. Disappointed. Contented. This is life. Everyone and everything exists.

I was inspired...

I visited his blog entries last night instead of reviewing for my pediatrics-2 removal exam on Monday…that's for tomorrow already and I haven't had enough knowledge stored on my failing brain cells. Being eligible of taking the removal exam made me feel lucky despite of the feeling "I-know-nothing-because-I-simply-don't". I was crazy indeed but reading his writings instead of reading Nelson and del Mundo's textbook made me feel a whole lot better. I was inspired.

I remember, one moment at the CAS when we're all in the heights of deciding whether to shift or not to shift courses because of MATH 17 and CHEM 16. He saw me carrying books, not of mathematics but of poetry and literature. He asked me then why stay being a biology student when I loved reading those books and I do loved to write. He confused me. I don’t know what happened…I don't even remember what I told him. The next thing that I know was I saw him excelling in his new life while I struggled to survive being a biology student.

Since then, I started to admire the way he live his life and the way he deals with it. That was success. Being happy of what you are doing, success is not about of "they're happy of what you're doing". He is not happy being a biology student, so do I. He chose to leave and fly, I stayed behind. Because back then I was pre-occupied of what others might think of me--scared of unknown.

Until one of his entries catches my attention --not so interesting one but it interests me though. He was sad, so natural but it honestly surprised me. I never thought of him being tired despite of being lucky. I never imagined him being that scared despite people around him. But who am I to judge him… all I know is what I see--he was him smiling and flying with colors.

What really inspires me was that the fact that he was indeed dealing with reality, and I can feel his sincerity right there. I felt the same thing for so may times… I'm not alone then and even the most successful person I know can feel empty the way I am. He was sad and yet he still manage to live.. He was right, there is no other way to get out but to succeed.

Forwards and a Little of Backwards

I am now ready to face reality that today will never be the same as yesterday. I'll be facing life and circumstances all alone with no one's hand to help me. I am determined to make a new step. Steps forward will do and a little of backwards to guide my way. I know, somehow I am strong and I can do this little by little… it is being dependent on others that made me weak. And now that I have no one to depend on, I can have my strength back in no time.

As I always believed since I was younger than I am right now ;) (I admit it that I am getting younger no more) loving one's self is a beginning of a life long romance… I have to stick with this. I have to love my self consistently, not loving today and hating tomorrow…but consistently. I have to accept everything about me, get rid of insecurities and seeing others as lucky unlike me. I am lucky. I know I am, only that, I was not able to appreciate because I was pre occupied with insecurities. The culprit! Being so insecure with others make me unlucky… I was the one who made me unlucky. And I'll be the one who will make my self into a lucky one.

Happy 2010

A struggle worth struggling for

Tomorrow I hope to start a new life... And I mean it… hopefully I will.

I honestly miss being myself. I wanted to get my old life back. I mean the old one, long before I met him. Long before I decided to join the Beta Sigma Fraternity and Ladies Corps.

But this fact hurts me as well. Maybe the disappointment it brought to my life. Perhaps, being one of them… I mean us… whatever! Ok, one of us or them is indeed tough. I personally walked in a rocky road. I now understand the importance of light, 'cause it is indeed a dark place to live in. My light was gone. To pass a letter of denouncement is not easy, not part of my stupidity… I supposed. I believed that it was not stupid to quit and turn my back away from them because I have reasons.

Been here for almost a week already, and all I did was bug him down, blame him, and tell every single regrets I have … though part of me believed that I am unfair and I am acting rude for being such. I always wanted to stop doing those stuff, but I cant! Discipline and self control is nowhere to find, perhaps because of hatred. I hate myself for being so… I don’t know exactly what to describe me… perhaps nothing could.

I'm here to think, and ponder on things. I should be… I've been a monster for months already, my manner is unforgivable and the words I utter is as smelly and fishy as it is. I am a monster who wants to get her old self back… the one being respected by many and the one who respects herself because she deserves to be. Respect… how can I ever respect myself if we fight and still sleep together and the next day acted that there is nothing comes between the two of us anymore. How come we see each other once in a while, stay together for a week or two under one roof again and if asked we both tell everyone we decided to take paths of our own. Stupid and degrading, isn't it?

I don’t want to do those stuff any longer, I wanted to stop. I've been in my worst self… I was worst and getting even worst every day.

Everyday was a struggle to me, an unnecessary one. And today, I wanted to start a new struggle worth struggling for. I don’t want to waste my time blaming myself why I wasted my life with him…its like wasting my life because of my wastes. Making mistakes from another mistakes. I want to stop hoping for something so impossible.

Sometimes, reminding myself that life is better off without him is not enough because I often stayed to give chance for both of us… that what if he will change..what if I'll wait for a while ... There were so many what Ifs going on in mind. Nothing changes. He loves to tell lie s and he has always something to hide. Despite it all, I once hoped someday I can hear him telling no lie and act with no pretensions. That one day he will wake up and will live in honesty. He is a big fat liar from the very start of our relationship and yet I accepted him hoping he'll change...

Everyday, I talked to the Lord. I already told him everything: how scared I was that there will be no one to protect me, how I always wanted to be loved and to gain his respect …how I longed for those times of him being proud of me. I already did my part of giving us both chance to change and make things right. I had nothing to offer now. I already give what I have.

the Rubix Cube

And what do you called this thing?  Puzzle? (Dude...I don’t knowJ) but this is not an ordinary thing for me... because this represents my life... (wahhhhaaaay pang Miss Universe! hhaha)
it was fixed and everything is in place... it reminds me of my childhood days...colorful...  I got my family, I got my friends... I got everything... contentment, laughter, peace of mind... what else could I ask for... I got all the care in the world...


I was young I guess. I was pampered... I was supported... I was happy... and I took things for granted for me Life is not a life if I'll remain standing forever... as if nothing will happen?!?.  I must make things happen...

I decided to make a new world. it was nice... rearranging everything is a perfect adventure... I laugh... as if it was funny seeing things that changed and transformed into a new one.
The Transformation was good... for a change. But I never thought of it, Changing my world also changes people around me. little by little the color fades away...  In some point, I woke up with no friends around... they gave up on me... hard-headed as I always was


... I don't care, who cares?!?... I can stand alone...I am tough...I can clean my mess alone...if they don't know me, the more that I don't know them too...not until I lost the support of my sister... that's it... the  most alarming moment of my life... I was told I am not her sister... she don't know me anymore


(Whaaattt?!?)... this is what I got in rearranging my world


  so why did I rearranged them again?!? EWAN KO BA! loka loka!

Broken life. Broken Identity... I was nowhere in this world. Gone with the days of laughter and Peace... Welcome to reality! wherein every single point is a challenge. I Guess it will take millions of effort to bring things back in proper place... life must go on... cleaning mess and to patch up things together again...  Life





Originally Posted at
cristymay.multiply.com

Dealkylation

I already heard and read the word “dealkylation” for so many times! It is just a chemical process wherein there is a removal of alkyl group in a molecule. But the word seems new to me when it was mentioned yesterday in our biochemistry class. And there I go again, “lost in space”, I been busy considering the word alkylation as my next step for my complete reinvention (haha! The hell, if I am not the one writing this I’ll probably raise my eyebrows while reading this blog—good thing its mine)

I made a simple correlation (Literally. It is just a "Sounds-like-drama" reminding me of something....the dealkylation and dealchelation... again, making this blog an eyebrow raiser! hehehe (pardon me but the term "eyebrow raiser" just pop up in my mind out of nowhere.. just laugh with me)...

from my chemistry class; I noted that alkylation is one of the steps in various toxic and must-to-know-biochemical-pathways, a necessary step before having the needed end-product.  Without which, a pathway could not be completed even if there is an alternative way. True, continuing the process without the removal of the group (if there is really a requirement to do so)—seems possible—you’ll just end up accumulating the precursor molecule or perhaps you will probably end up with a different product. For all we know, there is always a need to remove something from a molecule, if needed, in order for it to enter the site of reaction and in order for the next reaction to occur properly.

Dingdong! Does it ring a bell, or it was only I who could make this kind of strange link? If not, I guess I have to believe my high school teacher that everyone born in the month of February inherit their weirdness from the month itself (as weird as it is)


It seems right, taking this step is my way of “getting more closer and closer to becoming Cristy May”—and this confirmation from a mentor whom I respect most is just a relief.


That’s all for now—I am anticipating for a more toxic yet proper reactions to come.

Originally posted
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Crazy-Lazy-Future-MD

Is it stupid to say that the world indeed has the capability to turn us upside down? My innocent belief when I was once a little kid attacked my mind early this morning. Those days when I pictured out myself living outside the planet, so when it turns around the solar system we have to be very careful because we might fall out...well then I tried to convinced myself that we live inside the planet, so I don’t have to worry of falling out into the solar system!  I will never live long out there—it is so dark even if it has all the stars I love.

It scares me until I learned from my basic science courses about gravity and the likes. Hmmm… see what a simple science can do? It can clear up our puzzled thoughts and can make us feel better—giving us peace of mind by answering all our questions with giving us  reliable basis. That’s why I love science! It explains us very well the cause and effect of a thing up to its detailed and tiny element. That’s how science amazed my young mind.

            Loving science, I took up biology  and was inspired to enter medicine—for an everlasting wonderful world of discoveries.

            I am not going to talk about science technicalities here, I am not good at that… though I was exposed to science for years… I wished to master the secret of science! I really love to study and learn more facts. But, i guess it won’t happen for a lazy crazy future MD like me, right?
         
            The problem with me was I am too pre-occupied with my dreams. I wanted this and that. I planned for this and that. I am going to be like this someday… someday… and someday.

        Becoming a medical doctor or working in a laboratory, or  working on a special problem regarding the community structures organisms, then let me come up with an excellent scientific paper… life is great by then.

I am so busy daydreaming, building castles in the air, creating perfect stories out of imagination. I got all life’s fantasy. I been the person I always wanted and been to places… so may of those, only in my dreams.

            I had miss to realized the fact that I have to work hard in order for me to reach my dreams. Daydreaming won’t take me into reality. I have to work so hard—double time to catch the wasted time—if I can.

            I am a medical student. I should be studying so hard and learn facts religiously. I should not go to bed tired of solving the mystery file games and diner dash—I got case studies in biochemistry still. I should stop taking for granted those little facts.  I should spending more of my time with my books and not with Tom&Jerry.  I should be writing a Physiology laboratory report instead of editing my friendster profile. I should study Gross anatomy and master the parts of cadaver instead of judging people around me.

I had been so lazy, so crazy medical student for past few months.
It is not a good start I know… I am not learning the way a future doctor should… and I know pretty well that if I am not going to change my bad habit then I am not going to be a good Medical doctor someday.

            Well, what do you think guys? I hope identifying these faulty ways of medicine life could awaken my lost determination of becoming a GOOD doctor.


Originally posted at
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Drivers of Life

Life is unfair... coated with layered of ironic facts…and the fact that no one can go out alive is a good basis to enjoy it. It feels like your living inside an empty but convoluted box—this is an adventure.

            It is not a race; it is not about destination, it is not driven by destiny, tis a journey regardless of those things. It is how you walk and take each step. It is how you deal with the ups, downs, curves, and cross points. It is how you interpret the “traffic lights and street signs” of life—stop when you need to stop, slow down when needed, turn left, turn right, have a U-turn only when allowed. Isn’t it fun? Isn’t it exciting? And isn’t it tiring? This is a challenging journey, utilizing your gained energy till you drained out and trying to test your patience in unreasonable way.

And what is the point of all of this hardship when we can travel like we are going away to a grand vacation? Pack all the things we want and drive down the road while singing a happy song—a long smooth journey.
   
            What's the point?  sarcastically or what, there is none. traveling is not that easy. we can't go on a vacation everyday.  
            
          A mere fact to realize is that when problems stikes us, we have no choice but to keep moving--if you're mature enough, I guess... like when it rains, we don't stop driving our life, the journey must go on.
       
        Identifying the Ironic fact, when it eventually shine we can find rainbows in the sky afterwards. Think. Our pains and our happiness can make us a better and enhanced individual… success comes after tears and laughter reacts together. Just like Sunshine and rains can make a beautiful rainbow.

Fine!... And what is the distinction between the unfair life and the ironic life. What is unfair and what is the irony of it?

        Confusing reality can drive you crazy. No one knows the exact difference of it. people can perhaps tell you by words, but deep within—it confused them too... why is life unfair and why it does need to be ironic.

I guess, no one is obliged to know… but it is a necessity for us to be aware of it, it’s a fact… and we should surpass all this craziness… there is no reason for us to be ignorant—pains should not surprise us anymore—it is already a part of our life.


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Physiology, talaga naman

Failing the Physiology shifting exam today is not bad at all. I mean, I deserved what I got. Besides, the score was even better than what I expected (heheh).  Blame it on me. I know its bad but I honestly did not read my notes last night. I just don’t feel reading those chapters and chapters of “blah blah blah” basics of medicine.
Basic as it is!...and I hope I understand what a "basic" means in medicine, right? (sigh).
Anyway, its good that I failed the exam (though i was the only one in class who feels lucky:-) and oh! I forgot to thank Dra for cancelling my seminar report on Headache! (After I printed it out and after making a presentation for the class) sarcastically aside... it makes me feel good--coz it is my way to shift my "hatred" from something stupid... at least i am hating the right thing:-)

xa cge, gising na si weng! sa wakas kakain na kami...hehehe

Originally posted at cristymay.multiply.com