Numb

            I have to admit this fact that there are still times I thought of people fooling me and making fun out of me… times when I thought of God trying to abandon me… times when I am alone—there is no one to trust to.
            No one likes me and everybody hates me. The previous chapter of my life had impaired me psychologically—it made me believed that life is indeed unfair.
            I know this is an insult to all people who is trying to help me out of depression. To all who been true to me—I am so sorry that I talk this way, I am just being true.

            This is exactly what I feel. Life is tougher than what it seem to be….see, here I am standing in the middle of nowhere... I know pretty well where I am—but i am confused--i am in the middle of nowhere.
            I know people around me—they are all good. I believed that there are still people who are good at heart. But, I hardly managed myself to trust their goodness completely.
            I have these very bad mind-set I know. I thought of it like a history repeating itself. This is just like the old “once good chapter of my life”.
            I been to situation where people around loves me and cares for me—then ended up to … as in dot dot dot—I hate to explain but it reminds me of the NAGARAYA ad where everyone turned into a monster after eating!
            I did the greatest trick of life today; laugh so loud while my heart bleeds seriously. Shame on me—I wanted to cry… all I wanted is to shout to release the burden inside me and wash my soul to purity… and guess what, I was tricked by myself too…I GOT NO TEARS TO CRY.
            So ironic! I am getting numb little by little just what I always wanted to be. But here is the irony of it: It is so irritating to cry over silly things, but isn’t it more irritating when you need to cry for a good cause but you can’t?

Originally posted at
cristymay.multiply.com